Nothing has changed. Gabe is still gone.
We know where he is, and we know he is going to school, but everything else seems so…
surreal.
I’ve cried a lot. I didn’t expect this to happen so soon. So abruptly.
We have choices to make, but not yet. We are still waiting.
We’ve put it out there in as many ways as possible that we will welcome him back home.
Yes, there are conditions, but nothing beyond taking responsibility and showing respect, which most certainly terrifies him.
Today we got our laying-hen chicks, something Gabe was looking forward too, something he was going to help me with since he’s taken care of chickens before.
I cried for him. I felt betrayed. I wanted to enjoy this with him. Why didn’t he want to do this with me? Why wasn’t I important enough for him to stay?
A thought just occurred to me as I was typing that last sentence. Am I feeling a small taste of the confusion, betrayal, and abandonment my boys have felt?
Crap.
It sucks.
Damn it! I DID NOT want to feel empathy right now.
Anywho, we are waiting. My mind is rushing ahead to other things, and at the same time anxiously waiting to see what he will decide.
Tomorrow: Baby Chick Pictures!
Blessings!
Hannah
The part about betrayal and wanting to share the good stuff with him, reminds me of what our
Lord most likely feels when we choose to go elsewhere for our love, purpose, security, companionship, wisdom, guidance, affection and significance. Hmmmn.
Love you Hannatta, you are doing and being everything you should and can be…please do NOT see it as any failure on your part.
Hannah….you are so dear. You radiate compassion.