Mrs. Stubborn’s Class

I met my class tonight.

My wonderful kids. 6 girls. 3 boys.

My classroom is ready. Mostly. Really.

Cubbies are labeled with names and animal symbols.

Curriculum is pulled out for the first week. Well, the math any way.

The lesson plan is written, through lunch anyway.

Juji is accustomed to her new, important spot by my desk.

I am commissioned, anointed, and equipped.

God is good, and I am so excited!

Blessings!

Hannah

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You don’t make sense to me

You don’t make sense to me.

You say all the right things when they are easy to say,

and lose it when it really counts.

You can go and go and go, never missing a beat

and then suddenly explode.

I never see it coming.

You don’t make sense to me.

In the moment you can’t stop yourself.

When you speak in love one moment,

you touch in anger the next.

You are a total contradiction, and I can’t grasp your intentions.

You want to love, and you do.

You don’t want to hate, but you do.

And your hands wring with anger, and your jaw clenches with rage.

And everything you read leaves your mind when you need it most.

And you pray. And you pray. And you pray.

But you still are who you are.

Angry.

Me, you don’t make sense to me.

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Welcome to THE Family

Today

was a day

to CELEBRATE!

We celebrated with family.

With OUR family.

With THE family.

We celebrated with E and J. Two faithful finally finding each other.

YAY!

God is FAITHFUL!

They. The whole church family. CELEBRATED US!

Prayed over us.

Spoke words over us.

Sang joy over us.

Committed to us.

Spoke encouragement and guidance and wisdom.

Words straight from the Father.

Words straight to our hearts.

We prayed over Rachel. Saying goodbye for a little while. Sending her off to do her diligent work.

She was blessed.

We celebrated as a FAMILY.

As THE FAMILY!

And here’s the song that Melinda and Phil blessed us with (at my request).

Thank you, Mel and Phil.

Oh, and thank you, Psalty.

Welcome to the family, we’re glad that you have come to share you life with us as we grow in love, and may we always be to you what God would have us be, a family always there, to be strong and to lean on.

May we learn to love each other more with each new day, may words of love be on our lips in everything we say. May the Spirit melt our hearts and teach us how to pray, that we might be a true family.

Oy. One of those lines just really struck me right now.

Let it be.

Blessings!

Hannah

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Officially Stubborn

It’s official.

Both boys are now officially stubborn.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, our last name means stubborn. Yes. It does. Really.

Anywho, yesterday Jeremiah was officially adopted.

He didn’t attend the ceremony, Just Hubby and I went. Jeremiah didn’t want to attend because he is a very self-aware child and he let us know way ahead of time that if he went to court he would feel like he would need to test to see if we would really go through with it and cause a big scene. So, we respected his wishes and left him and Gabe at home with Auntie Rachel and our best friends E and T, and their lovely children, our godchildren.

We traveled a good 5 1/2 hours through beautiful countryside with cherry and apple stands every other driveway. The tribal court was a little hard to find, but we managed to be the first ones to arrive. I loved looking around the courthouse at the different decorations and posters on the walls. They had a series of parenting posters that were in English and Chippewa encouraging parents to talk to and listen to their children, to hold their hands, hug them, and show them they are loved. I found them very interesting, and it made me want to ask about them in more detail, so if there are any of my Native friends out there that would like to enlighten me on the cultural implications, I would be grateful.

Anywho, court went smoothly and was quite nice. It was more formal in a lot of ways than Gabe’s was. The judge read through more of the formal proceedings and actually heard testimony from Jeremiah’s GAL, the People’s lawyer, Jeremiah’s worker, and then our worker. They all said over and over how glad they were that this child has found a family, and how much he truly wanted to be in one. That made me feel good. The people’s lawyer said that he got choked up when he looked over at us holding hands, and that he had a hard time not losing his composer.

It made me feel good to know that these people, who often get criticized of simply being a part of “the system”, genuinely cared about the best interest of Jeremiah and wanted to see him in a good family, and that they felt WE were that family.

It was good.

Anywho, all was signed, we shook hands with all, I asked a couple of questions about the decorations on the wall of the court room, and off we went.

We ate at an overpriced “grill” that had a good crab-cake sandwich, but not much else. But at least the state will be reimbursing us.

At this point, Hubby was not feeling well. He had not been feeling well all day, sinus stuff, but now he was getting light-headed and dizzy. So I drove.

I didn’t really feel any different after the ceremony. We called Jeremiah at the restraunt and to tell him all was official, and he cheered. But that was pretty much it. The biggest thought I had was that I am relieved that I won’t have to ask permission for traveling out of state any more.

The reason I am guessing I wasn’t thinking much of it is because Jeremiah has been my son for nearly a year now. I have never considered him my “foster son” or anything less than my son, so yesterday was just a confirmation of what has been. Of what is. So, good job, Michigan, you finally caught up!

So now continues the journey. I am so curious to see where God will lead our family this year, how He will shape us. Adventure.

As for Jeremiah’s response, well, let’s just say that he had a GREAT day yesterday, but had to do one very specific big “no no”, just to make sure nothing had really changed. That we were still who we’ve been. That we could really be trusted. And yes, we came through on that.

So here we go, continuing on our journey. Our new normal. I wonder how long that will last.

Blessings!

Hannah

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Back to school…for ME!

It’s been very busy around the Stubborn house lately.

Mama has been getting ready for school.

After being laid off since last October, I am going to be teaching preschool and kindergarten this fall at a small Christian academy. I’ve been contracted all summer to get the licensing process done, and we are in the very final step of completing that. I just had to make some minor adjustments to our policies and procedures. Very minor, since the school has most of what’s required written already.

I really have been torn all summer about going back to work, and so has my whole family. Hubby has gotten used to having me available to manage the home and keep the boys appointments and such in order, and that is going to be more difficult with me working full time again. Also, both boys have versed some anxiety over Mama working. Jeremiah is especially having a hard time. Even if I have to leave him at home while I attend a meeting, when I come home he makes sure to make it very clear that he was NOT HAPPY that I left him.

THANKFULLY Jeremiah will get to attend the school for free, so I will not have to be 1/2 hour away from him. YAY! I am hoping that he will feel more secure…as much as possible…with me just down the hallway. I’m hoping that it won’t mean that he will have more “home-style” behaviors at school, since he has proven himself to be very well-behaved at school.

Miah is also VERY excited to bring his lunch to school this year. Last year, since he got free lunch at school, I insisted that he take advantage of it. This year, since our school doesn’t serve hot lunch, he will get his dream. I am guessing the excitement will last about 2 days…maybe 3.

Gabe has been very supportive, and since we only had 2 suspensions last year, I am confident that he can handle being a little further away from Mom. Also, he has an extra motivator for good behavior, because he is playing football this fall, and Mom and Dad have made their expectations VERY CLEAR as to how much…or little…tolerance we will have before football goes bye-bye.

BUT the whole work thing kinda sucks because most of Gabe’s games are away…like really away…and I will have a hard time making those. Thankfully 2 of the first 4 games are home games. Hubby will have no idea what’s going on on the field, but he is excited to see Gabe play. I’m excited that Gabe is so excited.

So, the Stubborn house is really movin’ right now. Papa Stubborn is all in his own category. Lots and lots of prayers for him would be appreciated. Lots. Biggest thing being stress and time.

I am very excited about teaching, just concerned about the details and how everything will run.

Oh! Speaking of running! We are trying to figure out what to do about my car. I have a ’98 Buick PA that has seen better days. We are trying to decide whether to spend the good sum of money to get my car up to par so it will be able to handle the 60 mile round trip each day, or to trade it in to get a newer vehicle. Wisdom wisdom. Yes, Lord.

Okay. That’s all for now.

Oh! One more thing! Anyone know of good teacher discounts out there? Special offers?

Blessings!

Hannah

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Happiness is…(Chicago edition)

Happiness is

laughing about how it took you 45 minutes to drive 2.7 miles.

Happiness is

being glad your hubby is such a good driver (which means you don’t have to drive).

Happiness is

your 11 year old eating Indian food for the first time

Happiness is

Mango Lassi (Sooo much better than champagne)

Happiness is

seeing a dear friend, a brother, join together with the one he loves.

Happiness is

God being glorified regardless of….

Happiness is

Being picked to dance and loving every second.

Happiness is

Walking 7 blocks in downtown Chicago and seeing the wonder in your sons’ eyes.

Happiness is

Finding a Borders Books that is open while you wait an hour for pizza.

Happiness is

Pizza worth waiting an hour for.

Happiness is

Mini chocolate eclairs….all gone

Happiness is

Beating my sons and husband at Munchkin…again.

Happiness is

Being here. With my beloved. With my sons. Being here, as a family.

Happiness is

Being a family.

Blessings!

Hannah

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If you were willing to listen

Really listen…

I’d tell you how hard it is to be 20-something and feel like time is slipping away for you to really live you most intimate dream.

I’d tell you how a love story can be real, and hard, and amazing, and beautiful, even when you get married at 17.

I’d tell you how sometimes it’s easier to build relationships with animals rather than people.

If you were willing to listen,

really listen,

I’d tell you that Fetal Alcohol Syndrome SUCKS.

I’d tell you to tell everyone that you know that alcohol and pregnancy DO. NOT. MIX.

I’d tell you how many kids are waiting for families, and they deserve to be loved.

I’d also tell you how hard it is to love them sometimes.

I’d tell you about a God who called a young woman and a young man at an early age.

A God who is so crazy about you, and wants you to do hard things, enables you to do hard things for HIM!

A God who heals and restores. Who tears down and then builds back up.

I’d tell you about my Jesus.

If you were willing to listen,

and I really trusted you,

I’d tell you things pouring out of my heart.

Things of passion, pain, joy, sex, hurt, healing, love, terror, hope, and fear of hoping.

If you were willing to listen,

even to my ramblings,

I’d tell you how Pepsi is SOOO much better than Coke.

How I was born in the wrong century.

How to bake my mom’s amazing oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

How to sneak spinach into brownies.

How to clicker train your dogs and/or other critters.

How much I adore African Grey parrots.

How obsessed I am with Hebrew.

How I like everything frozen.

I’m sure there’s more, because I like to talk.

But I also love to listen.

What would you tell me?

Thanks for the idea Sarah.

Blessings!

Hannah

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Over the Hell Hump!?!?

3 days of good behavior. Not perfect, but amazingly good.

3 days of a little boy just acting like a little boy.

Playing. Eating birthday cake. Playing. Riding bike. Playing. Laughing. Swimming. Going to movies.

Kid stuff.

Normal. Everyday. Kid Stuff.

Wonderful.

Am I naive to think this is the end? No. Definitely not setting myself up for disappointment like that.

But, I am hoping that this is the beginning.

Yes. The beginning would be good.

Here’s to all our children’s beginnings!

Blessings!

Hannah

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Birthday Bullets (Points that is.)

• Tomorrow, July 28th, is my 26th birthday. Yes. 26.
• My husband is a pessimist, so he (who is also 26) has us at 100 already. You see, we are 26, so we are almost 30, so we are almost 50, so we are almost 100. Get it? Yeah. Me too.
• I am so glad to be home. So so so so so so so so glad to be home. I have missed my wonderful hubby so much, and I have been…ummm….enjoying him thoroughly.
• My friend, Britta, in Germany has informed me that it is already my birthday there. I told her to have some vanilla bean ice cream in my honor.
• Instead of the traditional homemade cake, I opted for a special treat this year.  At a silent auction for the school I will be teaching at this fall, I fell in love with an amazing butter cream cake layered with fresh fruit. It was AMAZING! I tracked it down and ordered it for our family celebration tonight. IT WAS INCREDIBLE! So incredible in fact that my hubby suggested doing the same for his birthday next year, only he wants a chocolate one. Can do.
• It does not feel strange turning 26 because I feel like I am catching up to who I really am. I have always acted and looked older than I actually am, so now I feel like I am closer to the real Hannah. It is still quite humorous when people do the math and realize that there is no biological way I could be Gabe’s mother. I love the look on their faces, and so does he.
• I was so blessed to receive 4 amazing CD’s from my beautiful sister, Rachel; the newest albums from Newsboys (with Michael Tait! YAY!), Anberlin, Leeland, and Tenth Avenue North. I am listening to them right now, and loving every minute of it.
• Poor Zoe. There is a summer thunderstorm on its way, and she is not liking it one bit. Poor puppy!
• The one birthday gift I really want is for Jeremiah to have a good day. A really good, no playing games, no manipulation, day, no crazy anger, day.
• MMMmmm. Vanilla bean ice cream.

Blessings!

Hannah

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So sweet to be home.

Long trip. Long long long long trip.

I missed my sweetie somethin’ awful.

I didn’t realize how much he missed me until I got home.

HE MISSED ME!!!

HE MISSED ME!!!

And to prove it he kissed me!

It’s very good to be home.

Very very very good.

Blessings!

Hannah

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