I’m sorry I’ve been quiet again.
My heart is hurting and I want so badly to write about it, but I can’t. Everything is just too confidential and sensitive.
Things are changing. Big time changing.
Like…. I don’t know what God is doing, but I hope this season is coming to an end and the next is full of all kinds of joy….kind of changing.
One thing that has my heart in a vice is that Baby E will be moving on after Christmas. We thought we might have the opportunity to make her ours forever, we fought for it, but it just wasn’t meant to be….apparently. The family she will be going to has her older two sisters as well, and they are an amazing family. They love Jesus, and they will raise her up in the right way. If I could pick a family to take care of my precious girl, they would be it….but they just aren’t us.
Hubby is crushed. We both are. It comes in waves. Every time she smiles at us it makes it worse. It feels like our joy is leaving.
Okay, Lord. I know. You want to be our joy. But this still hurts.
Too much mourning in too little time. Too much loss. Too much change.
So what’s next? The challenge for me is going to be to rest and wait and try not to jump into something to try to fill these holes I am feeling. The holes are in my identity. Who am I now? What am I here for? How do I wait effectively? How do I allow myself to be healed? How can Hubby and I heal together?
Lots of questions. No easy answers.
So there you go.
Be patient with me.
Blessings!
Hannah
Oh, Hannah, that is so sad.