Posted by Hannah Rae on Jun 3, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
- Gabe is fine. Now that he is 18 and making his own life choices, I will refrain from writing too much about him, other than how his choices are affecting me as his mom. Right now, I miss him and am not really sure how to be. Still working on that.
- Jeremiah is really struggling. He’s been struggling for almost a month now. Daily. Icky, horrible, not fun! He’s deeply afraid of a lot of things, including himself, and loving me. Today, the fear was that he will have to leave. He shouted through tears that he “will not leave! Even if they drag (him) away!” It’s so hard for me to hear, and understand. I’m trying. I just don’t know how to respond to the constant-ness of all the behaviors.
- Baby E is doing great after 3 days in the hospital due to a UTI. She spiked a fever Tuesday night, and after 4 hours of tests (until 5 AM) they admitted her. They kept her for 3 days, 2 even after the fever was gone, because there was a count that came back higher than they liked. So I caught up on naps, sort of. I was so glad to bring her back today. I missed that little face so much.
- Hubby and his dad have been working very hard on our garden beds. For all you southerners, this must be a shock, but you see, it was below freezing last week. So, we are hoping for an Indian summer.
- The menfolk are also working out a plan for our chicken coop. They chickies are full size, and happyily perching on their box. They need to get out of the garage. A dear friend gave us a coop, but it will have to be reconfigured a bit. I am so thankful for my father-in-law.
- There is a new design for this blog coming! SO EXCITED! It was a total surprise from my beloved hubby. It’s gonna be Suh-WEET!
TTFN
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Bright Eyes, foster care, Gardening, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 29, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
When an infertile woman suddenly has a baby…
- She realizes just how right she was that something was missing.
- She realizes how much she loves her husband and how amazing he is.
- She realizes how holding a baby (especially in a moby wrap) makes people react to you differently. (More on that soon.)
- She prays for God’s healing of her body more than ever.
- She glows. (or so Hubby tells me.)
- She wonders about God’s plans and purposes…a lot.
- She loves… a lot, and gets a bigger picture of God’s love for her.
- She realizes how much she has enjoyed the freedom of sleeping in.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Bright Eyes, faith, infertility, marriage, parenting, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 23, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
After multiple phone calls from multiple sources, the consensus seems to be that Baby E will be coming home TOMORROW!
The hospital wants me to do an overnight to make sure I understand how to care for her…
Really?
She’s a baby! Yeah, she has some special needs, but we’re not talking a g-tube or ventilator or anything, she’s just ultra sensitive to noise and light.
Anywho, I totally think it’s overkill, so I am going to insist that it is not a necessary step, and not really possible right now anyways.
So, tomorrow I will be picking up a baby girl. Then I will promptly be going to Targe’t to get some essentials since our baby shower hasn’t happened yet.
Thanks to many generous (and fertile) friends, we have the crib and cradle, which are the most important, and plenty of clothes to get started with. I’ll have to get at least a pack of diapers, since the Flips I ordered won’t be here till Wednesday. And I’ll need to get some formula too. I’ve never anticipated using formula, but since I won’t be allowed to breastfeed this little one, well, a woman’s got to do what a woman’s got to do. And yes, I mean allowed, because if we were adopting an infant I would breastfeed…’cuz God made our bodies totally amazing, and I could do that.
Someday.
Anywho, very excited.
Also, I’m hoping J gets a conscience sometime between now and then, because otherwise I just may have an aneurysm.
Oy.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: foster care, infertility, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 23, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
2 Corinthians 2:5-11
“5 If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. 6 The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. 7 Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. 9 Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. 10 Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, 11 in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”
Chewing on this right now. I’m having to do some forgiving, and I’m not feeling strong enough to do it at the moment.
And then he does MORE.
His lack of conscience shakes me to the core. I just don’t know how to handle this today. Don’t know how to respond.
But I’m NOT GIVING UP!
OY!
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, parenting, prayer, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 20, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
I went to visit Baby E again today. She was sleeping when I arrived, so I scooped her up and rocked her, singing and singing. She never stirred besides a few grunts and groans. I love that little face. She seems very peaceful. The nurse said she had a good day and that she is eating really well. She spits up a little, but no reflux, so that’s good. I only stayed about an hour, because she was sleeping, but I know her basic schedule now, so hopefully next time I go (tomorrow?) she will be awake and we will get to chat some more. Did I mention that I love that little face?
I got a present from my dear friend Sherry today. She asked me if I wanted to wait till my shower, and I said “It depends!” She thought it would something I could use right away, so she went out to the car and got it, made me close my eyes, and then TAH DAH! A wet bag and a portable changing station. YAY! Loot! I have such beautiful, giving friends. I love hanging out with them so much. They are truly like sisters.
Anywho, the journey continues. I can’t wait to get the precious girl home.
In the meantime, we are really seeing some regression with Jeremiah. His Psychiatrist took him off of his mood stabilizer about 3 weeks ago, and it has really been a tough time here. He is obsessing over his behavior, and then making the same mistakes/bad decisions over and over and over. And the self-hatred absolutely breaks my heart. I cried at the doctor’s office today, and told Dr. C. that I just can’t stand seeing him feel so hopeless.
Dr. C. said that he is displaying a lot of obsessive symptoms, some that I didn’t even realize he was experiencing, like obsessing over object position. The perfectionism I HAVE noticed. Basically, he feels like if he can’t be perfect, than he might as well purposely mess up, because he is, he feels, perfect at that.
So, he is back on his mood stabilizer (hallelujah!) as well as an anti-depressant, which I thought ab*lify was, but I was wrong. That’s another mood stabilizer. So, we will hopefully start seeing some light for him, as we are all quite tired of this darkness.
Peace be the journey.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, foster care, parenting, RAD, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 13, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
My heart hurts for him today.
He’s trying so hard…
to give up,
To be worth giving up on,
To give us no choice but to give up.
He’s trying so hard
To make sure he gets absolutely nothing good
nothing enjoyable.
He is sure
Absolutely SURE
that in my heart
I hate him
that in my heart
I want to squish him like a bug.
My heart cries for his healing today,
believing in our healer
to heal my son’s heart.
Believing in our provider
to give my son the BEST.
Believing in our comforter
to comfort my heart as it cries for him.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, faith, parenting, prayer, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 8, 2011 in
Laughter Lives Tuesday
One wore a helmet.
One left his helmet on the ground.
One was riding to earn trust.
One was riding because trust had been lost.
One came home early just to check in.
One will not be sleeping in his bed tonight.
One is striving for healing, as hard as it might be.
One is walking away from health, determined to stay in control.
Both are loved.
Both are prayed for…and prayed for…and prayed for.
Both are dreamed for.
Neither are forgotten.
Lord, thank you. Lord, have mercy.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, parenting, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 6, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
SUCKS!
Gabe came over today. After a lot of C-R-A-P he finally found the words to confirm that he is not intending on coming back.
Okay.
Hubby and I are at complete peace and have told him that since he is making adult decisions, we will allow him to continue to make those decisions. As hard as it may be. And it will be hard.
He packed up as much stuff as he could, and I told him he has until June 1st to come get the rest, otherwise I will assume it is fair game for my yard sale.
We told him we loved him, we are still his parents, and that he is always welcome to call us if he needs help with something, but we will not come to the rescue for consequences of his adult decisions.
Peace. But it still sucks.
Jeremiah has been having major anxiety over baseball this year. Last year this was not an issue. This year, every day there is practice there are meltdowns. Meltdowns that include phrases such as “I’m just gonna quit! I don’t wanna play baseball anyways.” Then I would comfort him, reassure him, and encourage him. He would go to practice, and seem to enjoy himself, and then the next morning complain about how sore he was.
So, he was supposed to have practice tonight, but last night before bed he started to get grouchy and he told me that he didn’t want to play baseball. Sooo I picked up the phone, called his coach and let him know. At first J pitched a very week fit “I didn’t mean it!” But amazingly, after that he seemed much relieved. Today he kept trying to convince me, or himself, that I was upset with him for his decision. I told him that the choice was made, and it was obviously a good choice because baseball was cuasing him so much grief. He used the choice as a catalyst to have an absolutely miserable day, but once I let him make that choice, he got his misery over with and had a great evening.
I will miss watching him play ball this year, but if he can’t handle it, then it would not be loving to keep setting him up for failure. Still sucks.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, parenting, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 4, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
It may be a tantrum…
But it’s only a 1 hour tantrum instead of an all day tantrum.
There may be stomping and yelling….
But there’s not any hitting, or throwing, or swearing.
There may be sneaking…
But it’s only one or two instead of the whole package.
There may be stinky armpits…
But at least there’s a clean bum.
We’ve come a long way.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Lovin' on the kiddos, parenting, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on Apr 30, 2011 in
Laughter Lives Tuesday
I have an amazing God that has blessed me with and through some amazing friends.
MINUTES after I posted about our plan to open our home to infants in need I had friends messaging me to let me know that they will help fill our baby-supply needs. Seriously. Hubby and I are blown away by how the doors are swinging wide open.
Here’s what the Lord has blessed us with already through my amazing friends:
- Crib (YAY! Blew me away.)
- Cradle
- Baby bath
- Play mats
- Bumbo chair
- Bottles
- And “Everything you will need, and more”
- Moby wrap (updated)
- Boppy Pillow (updated)
My biggest wish-list item is was a moby wrap (but then as soon as I wrote this, someone GOT IT FOR ME!), because babies who have been exposed to substances tend to have sensory issues, and I am planning on wearing her as much as possible. Plus I HATE those heavy car-seat carriers.
Here is the link to my Target registry again.
In other news, our new licensing worker came today to do our “renewal” and everything was very quick and smooth. The funniest moment of the visit was when I was showing our worker the room where the baby will be, which is currently housing our baby chicks. She looked at me and said “You know that you won’t be able to have chickens in here once the baby comes.” I just smiled at her and confirmed that I did indeed understand that. She then smiled and said “I’ve never had to say THAT during a licensing visit before.” I bet she hasn’t.
Now we are just waiting for our former agency to give our new agency copies of our homestudy, and we have to get our fingerprints done AGAIN. Thankfully, the hours available to do that are much more reasonable than when we first got licensed, so it shouldn’t be a problem. But still. Again?
Anywho, I am feeling so overwhelmed by God’s providence, and Hubby and I together are having total peace and joy over this, which is the coolest part.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, foster care, The SAHM Adventure
