I’m not lying…

Pictures really will be coming…as soon as I can figure out this darn wonderful Mac.

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This is going to be hard…but I think I gotta do it.

As I posted about before, God is really dealing with my heart on a lot of levels. He wants more of me. He wants more of my eyes, more of my ears, and more of my time. My heart He has, and even my body, but those other things are lacking. He wants all of me, and that is a tough thing.

The imminent move in of a certain 16 year old boy (on Saturday! Happy Birthday, Gabe!) has got my brain thinking even more about this because I realized that when he is over we watch A LOT of TV. Or rather I realized that we always watch a lot of TV, but I just became aware of it because his 16 year old presence was making me self-conscious in its true sense.

Then, I read a wonderfully upsetting post by Margaret in Minnesota, and the comments that followed, that has really convicted my heart that this is what God is leading us to. I say “us” because the whole family is TV addicted. We are looking at some alternatives, cool, tech-savvy stuff, but I want to set a realistic goal of cutting the majority of my TV time out.

Here’s one of my major hurdles: I can’t handle silence…or even quiet. I sleep with noise on (either a CD or the fan), I have to work with noise on (yay Pandora), and cleaning tasks REQUIRE loud music…NOISE! So either Heidi Baker is going to be getting a lot of listens or I am going to have the entire set of FOTF Radio Theater’s “Chronicles of Narnia” memorized. Or maybe, God wants me to learn to be SILENT so I can hear HIM?

I know that my filters can handle most of the “yuck” that is out there, but should I need to have so many filters? Have my filters become clogged so that I am going to start spewing “yuck” without even realizing it?

God, you tell us to be Holy as you are Holy. I am not sure how to do that. It’s going to hurt isn’t it? I’m going to stand out even more than I already do, aren’t I? But that’s the point, right? I hear your heart, and I hear what it means to my life, I am just not sure how to implement it, or how to get my family on board. Please give me courage. I want to seek you, not Heroes or Lost. I want to seek your will for me, not Oprah’s. I want to be who you want me to be, not who TLC wants me to be. Be my excitement and my rest. Be the voice I hear in my head and in my heart. Give me courage.

3 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: Being set apart, faith, technology

Things I am learning

It’s always good when you come back from Sunday service and feel like you have really been challenged or that you have gained some vital piece of knowledge that will add to your life. Today was one of those days.

We got to church our usual ten minutes late, which isn’t bad considering we live nearly an hour away, and it was snowing. Our new beast of an SUV helped in that endeavor. Anywho, our church is meeting at the local university on Sundays because we have run out of space in the sanctuary. The good thing is that there is plenty of space for the growing number of college students that attend every week. The not so good thing is that the acoustics in the lecture hall are absolutely horrendous, and our very lively worship team sounds even louder and more chaotic than it normally would. Thankfully, there is a hallway just outside the lecture hall where those of us who don’t want to be blown away can sit, listen, and participate in a way that won’t permanently damage our ear drums. It was in the hall way that I saw a good friend who I haven’t talked to in quite a few weeks because she has been very ill with morning sickness during a much anticipated and prayed for pregnancy. We got a chance to quickly catch up and talk about the impeding baby boom going on in our congregation right now…which I guess is inevitable when you are a church with a 90% college aged population. This baby boom is sometimes difficult for me, as our God has not yet chosen to allow me to participate in it. I try my best to maintain a joyful attitude, and pray to my Father continually for grace, joy, and the ability to truly support the women around me.

Our church has a tradition that, after worship, we gather together in small groups to pray with one another. We prayed with our beloved elder who has just turned 90. His words really struck me. This man thanks and praises God more openly than almost anyone I know, and yet he asked that God would help him praise MORE! Lord, Joe is asking for your help to praise more? It really struck my heart.

Things I am learning #1: I need to praise God more.

After we prayed, Charlie got up and gave the before-offering sermon. Yes, we have mini sermons all throughout our service. I love it. Tidbits of truth all over. Charlie talked about how we need to take the times we are offended by God ,and thank Him that He is working something  in our lives and hearts. Our God knows what He is doing, and when we are offended, He is trying to stretch us. I have definitely been offended by my God lately. Lots and lots of things I don’t understand. So God is building trust…how much can He trust me with right now? Which fits into Pastor John’s sermon about the parable of the talents. How much can you trust me with, God? Am I not ready for these things I want so badly? Are these other young mothers ready? See, there’s that offense coming out again. Trying to trust, trying to become who He needs me to be. No more no less.

Things I am learning #2: I don’t know what God is up to, but He does, and I need to get closer to Him to find out.

On the more shallow end, my husband is teaching me a lot about technology and quality. He is obsessed with my blog right now, and told me that he would be for at least the next few weeks…which is when I said “Oh, so after that it will be old news, eh?” and he said “Absolutley!” But for now, I can ask for as much help as I need to get this thing off to a good start, and he is there for me, except he is leaving for two weeks. BLAH!

Things I am learning #3: I love my husband’s sexy-big brain!

I am going to try to get some of my writings up for you to sample, if you are interested. Most are very child friendly, as my favorite genre is child geared. Some are more adult oriented, but I will try to make it clear so that you don’t accidentally read something out loud that could be embarrassing.

Okay. Here’s to another week of adventure.

Hannah

1 comment so far | Tags: faith, infertility, marriage, technology

Getting things off to a good start…I hope

When you are married to a technology guru, you get very interesting love gifts. Some love gifts received in the past include house-designing software, Siberia and Siberia 2 (both excellent games that I was addicted to and finished in less than a week a piece).  The Sims 2, and my all time favorite thus far, the M*A*S*H DVD Box set. I am a HUGE M*A*S*H fan, and when my husband asked me whether I liked my 23rd birthday/6th anniversary present, I simply pointed to my tearing eyes and said “Hello! Tears!”

So that’s what we wives of technology gurus get as presents. Software, and the occasional amazing DVD box set. This time, I was having a very hard week and feeling rather useless and not very good at anything, so my beloved decides to get me……a dot com. That’s right, my own domain…with blogging software to boot.

We’ve been talking about getting this website going for a long time. A place for me to use my creative juices and displaying my writings…maybe even possibly drawing in some revenue. But yesterday, in an attempt to distract his mind from the current vehicular drama, my beloved put HIS creative juices to work and got my domain registered as well as comparing and contrasting web blogging software to make sure I got the most versatile, fun to play with, software to meet my needs.

1000 Hannah points to anyone who can figure out where my name comes from. I can’t remember whether Kaleb or I originally came up with it, but I do remember feeling especially clever.

So now the problem is that I have a new distraction. Just what I need.

So here’s what I expect you can be expecting with this new outlet for my creative and emotional juices….

- Daily or semi daily entries describing what God is doing in my heart and mind, or possibly just really random stuff that entered into my line of consciousness that I feel is necessary to share, attempting to be transparent, yet tactful…for my husband’s sake.

- Weekly additions to a story line that I have been conjuring up for such an occasion. I am hoping this will become something that parents who read my blog will be able to share with their children, and that their children will look forward to.

- A sample of my child focused writing that I am hoping will be miraculously discovered by someone capable and passionate about publishing quality children’s literature.

- Random and yet not random connection of people, who can support, build up, and share, enriching each other’s lives.

So, is that a good start? I think so. And now I am hoping to learn the ins and outs of this editor so that I can really make this thing schnazzy.

Blessings to all.

Hannah

1 comment so far | Tags: blogging, marriage, MASH, technology