Posted by Hannah Rae on Jun 5, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
This week I hope that…
- My garden seeds will finally get here, and that the weather will cooperate so I can actually get them in the ground.
- Jeremiah will use his head instead of his butt (our new catchphrase) and will find other ways of amusing himself other than finding ways to try to piss Mom off.
- I finally get my hair cut, cuz my ponytail is getting really heavy.
- The chicken coop gets assembled successfully with as little stress to the hubby as possible.
- Hubby gets a specific phone call that he wants to get.
- I actually get to make important phone calls that I’ve been needing to make.
- Baby E has her first visit with her mom and dad, and that it goes well.
- Hubby continues to draw closer to the lover of his soul.
- I remember that God is good…always…ALWAYS!
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, Bright Eyes, foster care, Gardening, marriage, parenting, prayer, RAD, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 29, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
When an infertile woman suddenly has a baby…
- She realizes just how right she was that something was missing.
- She realizes how much she loves her husband and how amazing he is.
- She realizes how holding a baby (especially in a moby wrap) makes people react to you differently. (More on that soon.)
- She prays for God’s healing of her body more than ever.
- She glows. (or so Hubby tells me.)
- She wonders about God’s plans and purposes…a lot.
- She loves… a lot, and gets a bigger picture of God’s love for her.
- She realizes how much she has enjoyed the freedom of sleeping in.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Bright Eyes, faith, infertility, marriage, parenting, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 26, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
May 25th
2:30 PM – I FINALLY get the call from the hospital social worker that I need to get to the hospital because they are getting ready to discharge the babe.
2:45 PM- I arrive at the hospital and scrub in. E is sleeping, so we get goin’ on paper work. I run to the hospital pharmacy, which was packed like a sardine can. I wait and wait and wait. I get E’s meds and head back to the NICU and scrub in again.
3:45 PM – The wonderful nurses help me double check E’s car seat and pack up all her stuff. (Hurray for free baby formula!) I bring my car around to the pick-up point and head back to the NICU. I scrub in again, but just quickly this time, and get E packed up into her car seat. The nurse puts her on the car and all the amazing NICU nurses say their bittersweet good-byes. I promise to send pictures. I almost cry, ‘cuz they were.
4:00 PM- E sees sunshine and breathes fresh air for the first time since she was transfered to the NICU. We load up into the car and head over to a friend’s to pick up Jeremiah. We are welcomed with ooo’s and awww’s. I have to say a difficult “No” to a friend that asked if she could hold her. I’m guessing that will become a common thing in the next few days. E gets her first floor time ever, and she happily checks out her new world. She even gives a few smiles.
4:30 PM – Jeremiah, Baby E, and Aiti (the Finnish word for Mommy) head home. She sleeps the whole way.
5:15 PM – Isa (Finnish for Daddy) gets to meet his new foster daughter. He falls in love. He immediately asks to hold her AND asks me to take pictures. She is incredibly alert and awake and wants to look at everything. She hangs out with Isa for nearly 2 hours before finally falling asleep.
7:00 PM – Just after she falls asleep, grandma and auntie show up to say hi. They hold the sleeping babe as we visit. She wakes up just in time for them to see her beautiful blue eyes before they leave.
9:00 PM – She sleeps for half hour increments and will only take an ounce of formula at at time. It looks like it will be a long night.
1:00 AM – Aiti is chillin’ on the couch watching the last Oprah episode on the DVR. Babe wakes up at about 1:30 and Aiti gives her her 2 AM med (yes, she takes her meds at 2 AM!) She finally takes a full 4 oz. and falls asleep quickly. She fusses quite a bit, but finally settles in and sleep soundly until…
7:00 AM – Babe wakes up and wants to be fed NOW! I give her her Morning med and try to settle her down. It doesn’t work for more than 10 minutes at a time.
9:00 AM – We’re up an about. I put on the moby wrap (thank you to whoever got that for me btw) and she snuggles in. LOVES IT and is good to go for the rest of the morning. She eats well and stays awake, but calm in the moby.
10:00 AM- Jeremiah gets up and starts playing dumb IMMEDIATELY. He is visibly nervous and needing a lot of hugs. I have him sit on the floor and put the babe in his lap. We talk about how none of this was her choice. I talk to him about making better choices to show her love (as some of the choices were directly aimed at showing his disapproval of her presence, although not directed at her.)
12:30 PM – Headed out to the pediatrician. Had to be there early to fill out paper work.
2:00 PM – First pediatrician’s appointment. Nurses ooo and awww over the little bundle in the green moby. They asked me quite a few questions about the moby, so that was fun. I really enjoy the doctor. He asked all the right questions and answered all of my questions as well. He wants to see her once a week for a while, as he was concerned about her tremors and other withdrawal symptoms. Developmentally, however, she is right on track. YAY!
3:00 PM – Ran errands in town (gotta make the most of every trip, cuz we spent $12 in gas to get there.) Baby E slept the whole time. I had Jeremiah stay in the car with her, cuz it was a bunch of 5 minute stuff.
4:00 PM – Got home and chilled. Jeremiah drama.
7:00 PM – Hubby’s mom showed up with a big surprise, THE SWING I WANTED! Thank you, Mom! Oh, and she must be feeling grand-baby deprived, cuz she also brought a bag of amazing baby loot. She tried to shrug it off that it was all on clearance, but DUDE! I am so overwhelmed with gratitude.
8:00 PM – Got swing put together while watching the season premiere of “So you Think you can Dance?” which I’ve been counting down to for weeks. Put Babe in swing and MAGIC! I think this may be a more peaceful night. It may be cheating, but until her withdrawals are under control, I am totally okay with that.
9:00 PM – E woke up for a little snack, I swaddled her up, and then back to sleep she goes.
11:00 PM – Hubby brings me a giant bowl of Mackinaw Island Fudge ice cream. Dude.
And tonight? Hopefully sleep.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Bright Eyes, foster care, parenting
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 23, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
2 Corinthians 2:5-11
“5 If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. 6 The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. 7 Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. 9 Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. 10 Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, 11 in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”
Chewing on this right now. I’m having to do some forgiving, and I’m not feeling strong enough to do it at the moment.
And then he does MORE.
His lack of conscience shakes me to the core. I just don’t know how to handle this today. Don’t know how to respond.
But I’m NOT GIVING UP!
OY!
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, parenting, prayer, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 20, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
I went to visit Baby E again today. She was sleeping when I arrived, so I scooped her up and rocked her, singing and singing. She never stirred besides a few grunts and groans. I love that little face. She seems very peaceful. The nurse said she had a good day and that she is eating really well. She spits up a little, but no reflux, so that’s good. I only stayed about an hour, because she was sleeping, but I know her basic schedule now, so hopefully next time I go (tomorrow?) she will be awake and we will get to chat some more. Did I mention that I love that little face?
I got a present from my dear friend Sherry today. She asked me if I wanted to wait till my shower, and I said “It depends!” She thought it would something I could use right away, so she went out to the car and got it, made me close my eyes, and then TAH DAH! A wet bag and a portable changing station. YAY! Loot! I have such beautiful, giving friends. I love hanging out with them so much. They are truly like sisters.
Anywho, the journey continues. I can’t wait to get the precious girl home.
In the meantime, we are really seeing some regression with Jeremiah. His Psychiatrist took him off of his mood stabilizer about 3 weeks ago, and it has really been a tough time here. He is obsessing over his behavior, and then making the same mistakes/bad decisions over and over and over. And the self-hatred absolutely breaks my heart. I cried at the doctor’s office today, and told Dr. C. that I just can’t stand seeing him feel so hopeless.
Dr. C. said that he is displaying a lot of obsessive symptoms, some that I didn’t even realize he was experiencing, like obsessing over object position. The perfectionism I HAVE noticed. Basically, he feels like if he can’t be perfect, than he might as well purposely mess up, because he is, he feels, perfect at that.
So, he is back on his mood stabilizer (hallelujah!) as well as an anti-depressant, which I thought ab*lify was, but I was wrong. That’s another mood stabilizer. So, we will hopefully start seeing some light for him, as we are all quite tired of this darkness.
Peace be the journey.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, foster care, parenting, RAD, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 13, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
My heart hurts for him today.
He’s trying so hard…
to give up,
To be worth giving up on,
To give us no choice but to give up.
He’s trying so hard
To make sure he gets absolutely nothing good
nothing enjoyable.
He is sure
Absolutely SURE
that in my heart
I hate him
that in my heart
I want to squish him like a bug.
My heart cries for his healing today,
believing in our healer
to heal my son’s heart.
Believing in our provider
to give my son the BEST.
Believing in our comforter
to comfort my heart as it cries for him.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, faith, parenting, prayer, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 8, 2011 in
Laughter Lives Tuesday
One wore a helmet.
One left his helmet on the ground.
One was riding to earn trust.
One was riding because trust had been lost.
One came home early just to check in.
One will not be sleeping in his bed tonight.
One is striving for healing, as hard as it might be.
One is walking away from health, determined to stay in control.
Both are loved.
Both are prayed for…and prayed for…and prayed for.
Both are dreamed for.
Neither are forgotten.
Lord, thank you. Lord, have mercy.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, parenting, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 6, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
SUCKS!
Gabe came over today. After a lot of C-R-A-P he finally found the words to confirm that he is not intending on coming back.
Okay.
Hubby and I are at complete peace and have told him that since he is making adult decisions, we will allow him to continue to make those decisions. As hard as it may be. And it will be hard.
He packed up as much stuff as he could, and I told him he has until June 1st to come get the rest, otherwise I will assume it is fair game for my yard sale.
We told him we loved him, we are still his parents, and that he is always welcome to call us if he needs help with something, but we will not come to the rescue for consequences of his adult decisions.
Peace. But it still sucks.
Jeremiah has been having major anxiety over baseball this year. Last year this was not an issue. This year, every day there is practice there are meltdowns. Meltdowns that include phrases such as “I’m just gonna quit! I don’t wanna play baseball anyways.” Then I would comfort him, reassure him, and encourage him. He would go to practice, and seem to enjoy himself, and then the next morning complain about how sore he was.
So, he was supposed to have practice tonight, but last night before bed he started to get grouchy and he told me that he didn’t want to play baseball. Sooo I picked up the phone, called his coach and let him know. At first J pitched a very week fit “I didn’t mean it!” But amazingly, after that he seemed much relieved. Today he kept trying to convince me, or himself, that I was upset with him for his decision. I told him that the choice was made, and it was obviously a good choice because baseball was cuasing him so much grief. He used the choice as a catalyst to have an absolutely miserable day, but once I let him make that choice, he got his misery over with and had a great evening.
I will miss watching him play ball this year, but if he can’t handle it, then it would not be loving to keep setting him up for failure. Still sucks.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, parenting, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 4, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
It may be a tantrum…
But it’s only a 1 hour tantrum instead of an all day tantrum.
There may be stomping and yelling….
But there’s not any hitting, or throwing, or swearing.
There may be sneaking…
But it’s only one or two instead of the whole package.
There may be stinky armpits…
But at least there’s a clean bum.
We’ve come a long way.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Lovin' on the kiddos, parenting, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on Apr 25, 2011 in
Life in the Stubborn house
because…
- Gabe’s still gone, but I’ve said all I know to say about that.
- I still want a baby, I still don’t have one, and I’ve said all I know to say about that.
- Jeremiah still struggles, but is getting stronger every day. I need to learn to say more about that, but day to day it’s hard for me to recognize and process.
I guess I need some new topics to help me feel “un-rutted.”
Do any of my readers have any questions or topics they would like me to write about?
Oh, and I DID take more chickie pictures today, so hopefully I will get them off my phone and uploaded tomorrow. YAY! They are so cute!
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, Being set apart, infertility, parenting, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
