Manners work. Even at 3:30 AM. From the “Without Daddy Adventures.”

Saturday night at about 10:00 PM, my dad, step-mom, lil’ sister, sons and I left for the Minneapolis air port. I knew that we were expecting to get to the air port at about 4:30 AM, so I had called our hotel to see if we could get an early check-in, like 6 AM. Nope. Not happenin’. The gal I spoke to told me she couldn’t guarantee me anything from another person’s shift, and that I would need to call the person on shift at the time, but that the earliest we would probably be able to check in would be 10 or 11. Ugh. Not good.

So…we get to the airport at 3:00 AM. A whole hour earlier than anticipated. I was wired the whole drive and couldn’t get any sleep, which is unusual for me. Anywho, after dropping the parentals and sister off, we easily found our way to our hotel. It was big…like tall. I’ve never stayed in a hotel that tall before.

Anywho, the guy at the front desk was lounging in a chair and came to the door to meet me. I explained to him our situation, how I had been up all night, and how we had booked a room but didn’t anticipate getting here this early etc…At first Peter (I always try to learn names) said that they were completely full, but then noticed that we had booked a suite, that we were Elite members (thank you to Hubby’s business trips) and that we were using points to pay for our suite.  He told me there was nothing he could do because we were already into the next business day. I calmly and politely asked him to please check again. He found out that he actually had a suite available, but he would have to charge me the Saturday rate (which was a lot). I told him that it wasn’t really acceptable to pay that much just because I couldn’t use my points, especially since it was already 3:30.

Anywho, after calling the Elite line, and few more pleases and thank yous a yes sirs, Peter said that he could charge us for 1/2 night’s stay, which came out to $5 more than what we would pay with points…and we would keep our points. YAY! I thanked Peter immensely and told him what a huge help he was.

So at 3:30 AM, the boys and I had a place to sleep. And sleep we did. And as we said our good nights (in the early morning) I reminded the boys how we got the room. I didn’t yell, scream, and make a scene, I simply let the man know our needs and was polite, assertive, and more polite.

Every time they see this, I hope it sinks in a little more. I hope that I am not only showing Christ’s love to the strangers I encounter, but my sons as well.

Blessings! (To you especially, Peter)

Hannah

1 comment so far | Tags: Being set apart, family fun

I’ve been thinking…in bullet points.

• I’ve been really blessed to bless some more new mamas recently. I’m getting through baby shower season pretty well, and am really enjoying the friendship with some awesome women. I really love being able to be a part of these little one’s lives, as well as encouraging their parents and offering to babysit whenever, and I mean it!
• I have found an unlikely friend in the mom of one of Jeremiah’s teammates. She is 44, also an adoptive mom, and has worked in the social work and child care field for a long time. We chat at the games, ride together whenever possible, and are really enjoying eachother’s “knowing-ness”. She has been very real with me, and I am extremely thankful for that, even if what she has to say is not always easy to hear….aka, wisdom.
• I really love my husband. I want him to be happy so badly, and when he’s not, well things just don’t feel right. We have a date night on Friday, and I can’t wait. There is nothing I would rather do than spend time with him. Even after almost 9 years, I still feel like we’re dating….well, almost.
• Gabe is on a new med that has less potential for abuse, which is definitely something we wanted to take out of the equation. I am hopeful that he will not have to be dependant on meds as an adult, and this is a good stepping stone.
• Jeremiah is really a medical mystery right now. His platelets are low, causing really easy bruising, which is really fun for a clumsy kid in sports. Also, his calcium level is really high, which his doctor says it is caused by his parathyroid gland being overactive. Interestingly enough, a high calcium level can cause digestive issues and mental health/behavioral issues, both of which Miah struggles with.  Being in the remote area we are, a hematologist is only available monthly, and the endocrinologist only comes up every three months, so it might be a while before we have answers. Prayers are appreciated.
• Gabe’s adoption is being finalized on Monday in our local county’s court. YAY! He is very excited and has invited a bunch of our family and friends to come celebrate with him. We are hoping that Miah will be able to hold it together, cuz it would be a bummer if we had to intervene on Gabe’s big day.
• We still don’t have a day for Miah’s finalization. I am hoping to hear from our worker this week, but we are waiting on a signature from downstate. Ah, the infamous signature.
• Due to some cues Miah has given us, we are most likely leaving him with our close family friends while we go downstate for court. He has expressed quite clearly that if we take him he would not be able to handle it and WILL make a scene. Basically, he wants us to prove that we will fight for him, and in his mind that means a battle. So we are respecting his feelings and will be leaving him home. I’m sure his caseworker and GAL will be disappointed, but as a good friend told me, I’m the mama, and I’ve got to watch out for my kid first. They are adults. They will get over it.
• I’ve got myself on a behavior chart. My goal is to go 2 weeks without losing my temper. It’s been very hard lately with the amped-up behaviors. I did not like who I became the other day, and I fear that I destroyed the progress we had made the day before. Anywho, my goal is that if I can go 2 weeks without losing my temper (which I know very clearly when that happens) I will earn a pampered day off all to myself. So far, 2 days! YAY! 12 to go.
• Gabe has had privileges back for 4 days now, and is really struggling today. He has gone a little privilege drunk, and is starting to really push boundaries. He doesn’t like the freedom in a lot of ways but, of coarse, loves it in many ways as well. I’m trying to treat him l like a 17 year old, but it’s very hard when he is acting like a 12 year old.
• Both boys are doing really well with their summer studies. Jeremiah is loving Mathletics, and asks to spend time on it every day. He’s lost the website privilege for a couple of days but, thankfully, they have printable workbooks, and he’s been really succeeding with those as well. His teacher also gave me access to a website their classroom uses for reading, social studies, and science, so he is working in each of those subjects on almost a daily basis.
• Gabe is working with a family friend who is a very gifted tutor. He is mostly working on Chemistry to get ready for taking it in the fall, and also composition, which is something he really struggles with. His tutor is assigning him documentaries to watch, and then he writes an essay on what he watches. It’s a formula that is working really well. I’ve also ordered some Drive-Thru History episodes that come with teaching materials. They should be here in a couple of days. Exciting!
• God is really working on my heart about what holiness and discipline really mean. More on that another time.

Blessings!

Hannah

1 comment so far | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, Being set apart, Education Everywhere, faith, family fun, infertility, marriage, parenting, RAD, The SAHM Adventure

In Words

Not sure really how to explain this. It may sound arrogant, or horrible. Not sure.

I’ve been realizing the past couple of weeks that I’m not perfect.

No. Really.

I know you all know I’m not. And I’ve known it too. It’s just that sometimes I feel like this life is all a movie playing out in front of me, and that if I just follow the script, or push the right buttons things will just turn out right. Play out the way that they are supposed too.

I suppose my belief in God, my faith, has added to this strange concept for me. My husband has said of me recently that I am oddly covered with an amazing grace for others. I don’t get offended too easily, because….well…actually I don’t understand it. People who are close to me have said and done some pretty horrible things to me, but I am usually, oddly unphased. Usually. I should be mad. Crazy hurt, mad. But I’m not.

I’ve been working on this post for 3 days now. I am still not quite understanding what my heart wants to get out.

I explained to Hubby that it’s like every part of who I am is being challenged, and I feel like I’m losing each and every challenge.

In my heart, it feels like this:

Wife- Failing. Don’t know why I feel this way except that my hubby is incredibly stressed out and I am helpless to help him.

Mother- Failing. I’ve been losing my temper much more often than I prefer. I read how things are supposed to be done, and know quite clearly that I don’t measure up.

Woman- Nope. Still can’t make those babies. I realized today that I haven’t had a cycle in two months now. Great. Yup. Can’t even do that. (Sounds silly, doesn’t it. Oh well. That’s how hearts work sometimes.)

Sister- Failing. I don’t know my role in my sister’s life lately. It’s so complicated.

Daughter- Besides being WAY to far away, and seemingly helpless with all the drama and trauma that’s been occuring recently, this is the one area I at least understand how to be.

Worshipper- Yup, been failing at that too. My faith and reliance in God is probably the strongest that it’s ever been, simply out of necessity. But my discipline SUCKS! I keep WANTING to do more, pray more, read more. I want to study and memorize and soak. I can’t seem to get out of the Psalms, and the same ones over and over. Not that that’s bad, but I want MORE. Even in my ambition to train up the boys,  I’m failing. I can’t rely on my memory forever. Especially  not lately. I’m so tired, and worshipping my Lord, which should be the most essential, energizing thing, seems to be the thing requiring the greatest energy and strength. Can’t do it. Not well at least.

So now I will be teaching in the fall. Kindergarten and preschool to be precise. And I’m terrified. This is a gift that God has clearly given me since I was a little girl, and now I’m terrified that this part of my identity too will be challenged, and that I will fail. Miserably.

Then what will I have left?

See, there’s where the whining comes in.

Good days. Bad days. I understand that they will comes as they will.

I just need to push through this wall somehow.

Somehow.

Blessings!

Hannah

2 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, faith, infertility, marriage, parenting, prayer, RAD, The SAHM Adventure

Mother’s Day Part 1

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. It’s an interesting day for me because of children I parent and the hurt they come from. It gets even more interesting when you add my journey with infertility into the mix.

One comment from an excellent post on RAD and Mother’s Day says it best, “The best thing about Mother’s Day for a RAD blogger mom is that it’s worth at least a week’s worth of posts.” Thanks, Kerrie. I guess I will be typing a lot this week.

Anywho, yesterday Miah shared a deep piece of pain from his heart and how much he misses his birth mom. It was so hard for him to share, and I was so proud of him. I told him that one thing our counselor suggested was that he could write letters to his birth mom and keep them in a special place so that he can give them to her if/when he finds her some day. He liked that idea. He felt good that he knew that I was not hurt by the fact that he misses her.

Today, I paid for that conversation.

He had let me in close, and today he felt terrified that he had allowed himself to open up to me like that.

Not. A. Fun. Morning.

He raged passively (yes, you can do that) and aggressively for a long time. It got even worse when I told him that my heart was telling me that maybe he was mad that he let me in close and told me about how he misses his birth mom. “How did you know that?” he yelled. “Who told you that?” I’d hit the nail on the head. Whoops.

More raging.

Finally crying.

Finally rocking.

Finally crying, and sobs, and memories, and reassurances.

“I know.”

“You’re right! It’s not fair. I wasn’t your choice.”

“I know. You miss her so much.”

One part that made me laugh…sort of…was when he was describing her and said that she wasn’t skinny, but big, like me. Thanks, Babe. Glad to know that brings you comfort.

It’s a very different journey, parenting these two boys of mine. Gabe has 15 years of memories with two other Mommies before me. Jeremiah has 6 years with who knows how many Mommies….at least 8. Gabe was not old enough to remember his birth mom. Jeremiah was. He was 6 when he had his last visit with her. He remembers just enough to make what he doesn’t remember that much more painful.

My husband has said of me lately that I am uniquely covered with God’s grace. It’s what my name means. I don’t quite understand it. In my mind I feel like I should be hurt by the fact that my boys, especially my baby, miss their mommies. But I’m not. I am a little jealous of the moments I missed out on, but when Miah talks about missing his mommy, or Gabe talks about wanting to find his mom someday, I understand. I’m thankful to God for that covering of grace, because feeling that jealousy or hurt would make this job that much harder.

Tomorrow will bring what it brings. I am teaching Children’s Church, so that will be fun.

Blessings!

Hannah

2 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, Being set apart, faith, infertility, marriage, parenting, RAD, The SAHM Adventure

My Blog Post of Bullet Points

• I am currently Listening to this song by Emerson Hart cuz a dear friend wanted to pass the message on to an old flame. I’ve only broken up with someone twice, and one of the men is now my husband, so the sentiment is not the same, but I can see why the lyrics rung so deeply with him.
• I was delightfully surprised today when a box arrived containing a W!!. Hubby knew I’ve been wanting one for a long time, especially the W!! Fit, which he got for me. YAY! I only played for a total of 47 minutes today and already burned about 400 calories, and it was so much fun. I also found out that Jeremiah has been playing it quite a bit at school, and that he CHEATS! HORRIBLY!!!
• I had even MORE fun playing catch with my sons in the back yard today. After two very chilly, windy days it was finally warm enough to play outside. Jeremiah is starting in Little League for the first time, so we needed to get some catch practice in. He is so naturally gifted in everything athletic. I played fast and slow-pitch softball for 11 years growing up, and I was fairly good, so I really enjoyed showing him the ropes. I was excited when I found out that even after about 6 years of not playing at all, it came back pretty naturally. Gabe did a fabulous job of not making himself the center of attention, which is something we’ve been struggling with lately. He encouraged Miah, but let me take the lead. Not one instance of know-it-all syndrome. YAY!!!! Gabe even played catcher for us while I taught Miah to pitch. He really could be a pitcher if he wanted to be. I think he could be any position, but he has really good accuracy in his throwing, so short stop or pitcher might be a good fit. We’ll see. He’s never played in a league before, but because he is already so good at hitting, catching, and throwing, the head coach put him in the Majors.
• The pups are 4 weeks old now, and their personalities are bigger than they are. I am so blessed that we have found homes for all of them already. 2-3 more weeks before they will go to their new homes.
• The only thing I DON’T like about the W!! Fit is that it tracks BMI. I HATE BMI!!!! Even my amazing nutrition professor in college told me that BMI is a bunch of HOOEY and that it has absolutely no accuracy in indicating someone’s health. The stupid thing placed me at 36, which is at the top of their obese scale. Now, I admit I am overweight, and my goal weight is to lose about 50 lbs, but I am NOWHERE NEAR MORBIDLY OBESE! I am 6’1″ and have a large frame, and the stupid thing says that my goal weight is 166 lbs. Yeah. I weighed that when I was 16 and ANOREXIC! You could see my ribs and collar bone for goodness sake. My sister Rachel, who is 5’10 and…well…a little more than 166 lbs  would be considered overweight by this thing. MY GORGEOUS, THIN, ACTIVE SISTER. So, that’s my rant about BMI, and the only thing I don’t like about the W!! Fit.
• I read this awesome post by Goggy about the uniqueness of the journey of the infertile couple, especially when they adopt. It really touched my heart and rang true with me. I will probably reflect more on that another time.
• The pups have been getting so much attention lately, I didn’t want my beautiful Juji bird to feel left out. So here is my beautiful Juji eating her favorite food, corn. She actually  loves to pose, and as I am writing this she is cuddling with my cheek. She’s such a joy, and a BIG trouble maker. Yesterday she hopped down on the floor and raced across the living room (with her famous crow hop) simply to attack Hubby’s feet. What a lovable stinker.

• Both my boys love video games, but especially Jeremiah. He has been willing to do just about anything, including  breaking and entering, to get just a few minutes of screen time. At bed time tonight he asked me I enjoyed playing my new game today. I told him that I had a lot of fun, but I had even more fun playing baseball with him. His eyes lit up and asked “Really? Why?” I told him that no video game could ever replace how much fun I have playing with my sons. He thought that was pretty cool, and because I know how much he loves video games, I know it meant a ton to him. In his prayers after that, he even called me his favorite Mommy. Awww.
• Be praying for both boys, as I know many of you do. Jeremiah is struggling every day with some major flashbacks, and his tantrums have been very violent and self destructive lately. Pray for his safety and that God’s peace and healing would reign over his mind, body, and spirit. He also had some blood work today to test his plalette levels as he’s been bruising really easily lately. A simple tickle fight leaves bruises on his ribs. It may just be his fair skin, but we wanted to be sure. They also checked his De*acote levels, as he’s been growing a ton and his doctor is concerned that it might be having an effect on these mood swings we’ve been seeing.
• Gabe is in some legal trouble right now that he needs lots of prayer cover for. Can’t go into details, but please pray for his heart and that God uses this as a character building time, and a time for us to speak life into him.

• Oh, YAY! Hubby is home for the next COUPLE OF MONTHS! SERIOUSLY! NO TRAVELING! It’s already making a huge differerence with the boys AND with Hubby. He’s so much happier now. YAY! That’s a huge answer to prayer. Not to mention I happen to kind of like the guy, and the extra hugs and kisses have been a huge mood booster for me.

Okay, enough bullets. I hope you enjoyed the update. I’m hoping that the beautiful weather will put me in writing mood this week. I have a lot on my heart, it just needs to make it’s way to my fingers.

Blessings!

Hannah

1 comment so far | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, Being set apart, blogging, faith, family fun, infertility, marriage, parenting, prayer, RAD, the critters, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure

Restoration

Restoration

is hard.

God is healing in a mighty way,

but it’s the stripping away to get at the root kind of healing,

and it hurts.

It reminds me of Eustace, being stripped of his dragon-ness by Aslan’s claws.

Deep, penetrating, painful,

Euphoric, cleansing, freeing.

God, my Father God, makes and is making all things new,

and we must be ready for the journey.

He’s calling us to come further up and further in,

So here we go.

Here we go.

With Psalm 27 and Psalm 32 in our hearts and on our lips.

Here we go.

1 comment so far | Tags: Being set apart, faith, prayer, the hard stuff

How should Christians handle gripes?

We decided to treat ourselves and good friends of ours to pizza today.

We went to our favorite pizza place and were excited to get some fellowship time.

Without going into all the details, let’s just say it ended badly. We were not being loud or rude, there was simply a misunderstanding about a special. When we had just started eating our pizza,  the owner came out to our table and was extremely rude and passive aggressive and began clearing our table very quickly as we were still sitting there, including our drinks, which we were not done with. When I pulled him aside to speak to him calmly (you know, so my husband wouldn’t strangle him) he refused to look at me and kept trying to push past me. It was horrible!

We left with such a sad feeling, because this was our favorite restaurant. Whenever we have a date night, that’s where we go. Whenever we are celebrating a birthday, that’s where we go. The pizza is awesome, and so are the other entrees.  BUT THE OWNER WAS SO BILIGERANT!

We left quietly without making any more fuss, that is AFTER we paid and we tipped our waitress directly and generously, cuz she ROCKED and she felt so badly about the owner’s behavior. But it has stuck with us. How could we have handled things differently? Was I too direct? I don’t think so, and I definitely wasn’t rude. In fact, my 16 year old commented that he was shocked at how angry the owner was, and that he thinks he felt threatened because he wouldn’t give me eye contact. “At least show the person respect.” Gabe said.

So how should Christians handle gripes like this?  He was the owner, not the manager, so I can’t write a letter to the owner. Hubby wants to call and give him a chance to apologize before we do anything else. I think that’s a good plan, although I don’t think he will apologize. Do we complain to the BBB? Do we write to the franchise owner? Or do we just forgive and forget?

I am one of those people who has no trouble sending food back if it is done incorrectly, especially since I have some allergies that I need to watch out for. I am always very pleasant and thank them for their service, but I have no trouble asking for quality when I spend my money. I feel like this is similar. We were paying customers who spend a lot of money throughout the year at that restraunt, and I feel that respect is at least deserved.

I’m having trouble thinking of places where scripture talks about this kind of situation. I know what scripture says about handling gripes between Christians, but this is different.

Wisdom?

Blessings!

Hannah

3 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: Being set apart

God cares about power cords

I want to share a little story about God’s big faithfulness.

We went to my mother’s this past weekend to spend some badly needed time with her, as well as enjoy a Christian music festival. We have all been going through a lot of changes and stresses lately, and this vacation was something we needed in order to be refreshed. Kaleb was actually able to come, which is not always the case due to his responsibilities at work, and he was looking forward to it immensely.

All was going well until we got a call a day before we were leaving from my husband’s cousin who had agreed to stay with our dogs while we were gone. He said that he could no longer watch the dogs, but that another cousin would be able to. That was fine, so plans continued. 5 hours after we left on our trip we got a call from the first cousin saying that he couldn’t get a hold of the second cousin because she was away camping. The first cousin said that he couldn’t take care of the dogs, and what should he do. This is a grown man by the way. Our dogs had been home alone 5 hours at this point, so I told him that he needed to go sleep over there for the night and that we would find someone to take care of the them tomorrow.

Now, Kaleb is a pessimist. He is convinced that Murphy follows us and loves to torture us. He was convinced we needed to turn around and go home. We stopped at a wayside (I love that they are actually called waysides. As in “fall by the wayside.” Hehe.) and we prayed. We prayed because God knew we needed this break as a family and we claimed that He would come through with someone to watch our dogs, but that if we needed to go home we would.

We called a friend for whom we have dog sat before. At 11 PM. He was up and he agreed not only to watch the dogs, but to bring them back to his home, with a fenced in yard.

Yes. God cares about dog-sitters.

We got to my mom’s safely and enjoyed a restful night (morning actually). We had driven through the night, so once we got up at noon, we were all lounging in our jammies in my mom’s living room.  Kaleb had to get some work done on his laptop, so Mom and Rachel went to town to do some errands and we were planning on meeting up with them later.  Eventually, Kaleb’s laptop started to run low on power, and as he reached into his bag to get his power cord I saw his face go white.

“It’s not here. I left my power cord at home!”

He knew exactly where it was. It was plugged in next to our bed. He had left it there after taking a meeting in our bedroom the day before.

Now normally this would not be a big deal. Many laptops have similar power adapters and it’s typically not difficult to find one that will work. This was not the case.  My hubby’s business laptop is a business class HP, which apparently has an annoyingly unique power adapter. Again, in normal circumstances no reason to panic, we would be going home in a few days, but Kaleb was not heading home with us. He was flying directly from my home town to Los Angeles to meet with big wigs about big projects of which all the information for was on his laptop…with very little power left.

Panic set in. Kaleb was nearly ready to jump in the car and head back to the U.P. (a 13 hour drive) simply to get his power cord. He was angry at himself, and convinced that his “foolishness” had ruined the trip for everyone.

I prayed. I prayed that there would be a solution. He couldn’t pray at this point, so I prayed for him.

He searched online and found that B*st B*y had a universal adapter that might work. But it was expensive. And the store might not have it in stock.

I prayed. I prayed to my Heavenly Father that He would help. That he would not only have the adapter be in stock, but that it would be on sale.

Can you guess what happened? Do you know how crazy faithful my God is about even the little things?

Not only did they have the adapter in stock, but it was more than 50% off. (I’m tearing up over this.) Not only that, but it WORKED!!!

God saved our trip. Every time the enemy tried to trip us up, God intervened because He knows our hearts and He KNEW we needed this family time. Or maybe he intervened simply so I could write this post to tell you that HE CARES! Even about the little things.

He cares about sales on school clothes and where you put that important piece of paper. He cares because He loves you! If you stop your busy mind and take the time to ask Him, He will help!

Now, I know it doesn’t always work exactly the way we want it too. Sometimes things just suck, but God is still there in those moments. Sometimes, I just have to take the time to ask Him what he wants me to hear in those sucky situations. God is not scared by our questions. He welcomes them, because at least we are coming to him.

1 Peter 5:7 (Amplified Bible)

⁷Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.

Blessings!

Hannah

5 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: bargain shopping, Being set apart, faith, finances, prayer

The one where I continue to wonder:

The job I was hoping for is not to be. I got the letter of doom last night. If you’ve never gotten a letter of doom, it says something to the effect of….You are highly qualified, but there were other people MORE highly qualified, so we don’t want you. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, but it’s how I’m feeling right now.

I AM highly qualified. I am extremely gifted in what I do. I don’t say that to be cocky, it’s just how God has gifted me. But yet, the job that seemed so perfect is not meant to be mine. God knows why.

No really! GOD KNOWS WHY! I sure don’t, but He DOES!

We’ve been here before. Jobs fall through so the exact right one is able to appear, seemingly out of no where. So why is it still hard for me to trust?

I think I’ll call it Israelitis: The condition of continuing to doubt even though you have been miraculously provided for over and over and over and over again.  You were saved from 10 plagues? Great! You saw an enormous body of water part before you so you could walk on dry land? Amazing! You woke up every morning and there was food laying on the ground just waiting for you to eat it? Fantastic! And yet, you continually ask God why and how and how come. You actually ACCUSE HIM of being mean and not providing for you. You actually ask Him WHY he brought you out of slavery in the first place.

Okay, God. Thank you. I needed that. I’m breathing now. I am.

I spoke to the CEO this morning. She said I was on her list to call today. I asked her what was up with the whole letter of doom thing. She said that they are “keeping me in mind” for a position when the infant and toddler program opens in November(ish). “That’s the direction we’re heading.” Ambiguous hope. I won’t hold on to it too tightly. I will continue to hold on to God’s truth that HE owns the cattle on a thousand hills and HE is the first and the last and HE knows which way the wind will blow.

Breathing again.

Countdown: 30 days until my position no longer exists. Until I disappear from who I currently am.

Breathing.

Lord, continue to speak to my heart today. I need your help. I need your peace and comfort. I need your assurance in who I am as your daughter. Bless me indeed. Is that okay? Yes, you love me. Good.

Blessings!

Hannah

PS. In other news, Jeremiah has decided he wants to change his name to DJ. We’ll see.

3 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: Being set apart, faith, marriage

Bedtime prayers and answers

I got to talk to Jeremiah’s adoption worker today. She called me out of the blue at work.  It was a joyful conversation. She was “overjoyed” that Jeremiah had found “such a capable family.” I was overjoyed for the surprise progress in the process. Progress I didn’t even know was coming.

The plan is end of summer. He will be here full time by end of summer. WHAT? SOOOO excited. SOOOO not ready.

We talked about it on the ride home today. What a great conversation.

“I got a call from your adoption worker today.”

“What does that mean?”

“That means your adoption paper work is coming through.”

“What’s does that mean?”

“That means that soon a judge is going to say that you are a permanent part of this family. Forever!”

“And you are going to be my REAL Mom and Dad?”

“Yup. Forever and ever.”

“Even if I do something really bad, you will still be my Mom and Dad?” (That made me smile, cuz I knew the answer.)

“We will be your Mom and Dad forever and ever, no matter what you do.”

(Insert a smile so big I thought his face would tear.)

That would have been enough, but the beauty continued. When saying goodnight, Kaleb took Jeremiah into his lap and Jeremiah recounted the conversation to his dad.

“If it happens, that means you are going to be my Dad forever and ever!”

“It WILL happen, buddy. Forever and ever. I love you.” Kaleb gave Jerome a big kiss on the cheek, another big hug, and sent him off to do his bedtime routine with me.

My heart was melting. I wanted to shout at Kaleb, “See! SEE! You DO love him! SEE!!!!”

Again, that would have been enough to keep me reeling with joy, but there was more blessing to come.

Jeremiah loves to read his Bible. Every night we read a devotion from Keys for Kids, which is the same devotional that we used when I was a child. He read really well. I was so proud of him. After devotions we say prayers. I ask him what he would like to pray for and the list usually includes the group home and his very special dog friend, Kasey. I then ask him if he has anything he would like to thank God for, and tonight he said “That you and Dad are going to be my Mom and Dad forever.” I smiled. I asked him to pray the thank yous, and I would pray for the rest. I was expecting a very simple “Thank you, God that Mom and Dad are going to adopt me.” Or something like that. What I got blew me out of the water.

(In the most sincere, cheerfully thankful voice I have ever heard from anyone.) “Thank you so much, God for such a beautiful day and that we had so much fun together. Thank you for the beautiful fireworks that we got to go to (on the 4th) and for the fun we got to have with Grandma and Grandpa. Please keep Grandma and Grandpa safe. Thank you that you love us so much and that you let my caseworker say that it’s okay for Mom and Dad to adopt me. Thank you for my family. Thank you for being such a good God. Amen.”

Holy WOW!!! Was the Holy Spirit speaking to that boy’s heart or what???

I prayed my part, kissed him goodnight, turned off the lights, and practically floated down stairs.

I am thanking God tonight for a little boy’s faith and his huge heart. I am thanking God for the miracle he has done in my husband’s heart and that He will continue to do.

No wonder I want more.

God is so good. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Father.

Blessings!

Hannah

3 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: Adoption, Being set apart, foster care, marriage, parenting, prayer