Twas’ the night before school starts

And all through the Stubborn house….

Well, I’m not that good at rhyming poems, that’s as far as that format will go. Ian, can you help me out here?

My classroom is organized. My lesson plans done. My car full of more stuff that friends have donated. Things are good.

Jeremiah is eating an ice cream cone THAT HE ASKED FOR! His jello is made and in the fridge. His out fit has been planned for days. His back pack is ready to go. Things are good.

Gabe just got home from football practice, which he is loving. He’s getting the trash ready to go out in the morning. He’s tested us a lot this week, and we’ve come through.  He’s going to be a junior, and is excited about it. Things are good.

Hubby is working on the big programming project he’s been working on for months. A good opportunity, but it’s hard. But he likes challenges. Things are good.

We’re figuring this out as we go along. Day by day things change. The consistency of school is good, and the boys crave it.

Now, we’ve just got to figure some of the new stuff out.

Like how to get kids to doctor’s appointments, and how to plan meals and keep up with laundry with Mom working again, and how to get used to homework again.

But we will.

And God will be with us on these new adventures he’s set out for us, because He is. So here we go.

ADVENTURE!

Blessings!

Hannah

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I’ve given in

to the modern era.

I now have a cell phone.

A dro*d to be specific.

My geeky-wonderful hubby found a deal where the phone was free with the plan.

I’ve needed one for a while. Need in the American sense where my husband was getting frustrated not being able to get a hold of me if I was in town, or in case of an emergency.

You see, we live out in the boonies. Even for the U.P., okay not really for the U.P., but still, we are out there. It wasn’t until very recently that you could even get cell phone coverage out here, so what was the point? But now I will be teaching and in town a lot, and Hubby is often on the road, so this will be a good thing.

We’ve got a family plan, so now my FIL, SIL, Rachel, and Hubby will all have phones. It will be useful for Rachel because she is heading overseas soon on a mission trip, and there are all kinds of do-dads and gadgets that would be helpful, like translators and such.

Anywho, I am in the 21st century now. AND I can play bejewled ANYWHERE!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA

Blessings!

Hannah

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Mrs. Stubborn’s Class

I met my class tonight.

My wonderful kids. 6 girls. 3 boys.

My classroom is ready. Mostly. Really.

Cubbies are labeled with names and animal symbols.

Curriculum is pulled out for the first week. Well, the math any way.

The lesson plan is written, through lunch anyway.

Juji is accustomed to her new, important spot by my desk.

I am commissioned, anointed, and equipped.

God is good, and I am so excited!

Blessings!

Hannah

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Officially Stubborn

It’s official.

Both boys are now officially stubborn.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, our last name means stubborn. Yes. It does. Really.

Anywho, yesterday Jeremiah was officially adopted.

He didn’t attend the ceremony, Just Hubby and I went. Jeremiah didn’t want to attend because he is a very self-aware child and he let us know way ahead of time that if he went to court he would feel like he would need to test to see if we would really go through with it and cause a big scene. So, we respected his wishes and left him and Gabe at home with Auntie Rachel and our best friends E and T, and their lovely children, our godchildren.

We traveled a good 5 1/2 hours through beautiful countryside with cherry and apple stands every other driveway. The tribal court was a little hard to find, but we managed to be the first ones to arrive. I loved looking around the courthouse at the different decorations and posters on the walls. They had a series of parenting posters that were in English and Chippewa encouraging parents to talk to and listen to their children, to hold their hands, hug them, and show them they are loved. I found them very interesting, and it made me want to ask about them in more detail, so if there are any of my Native friends out there that would like to enlighten me on the cultural implications, I would be grateful.

Anywho, court went smoothly and was quite nice. It was more formal in a lot of ways than Gabe’s was. The judge read through more of the formal proceedings and actually heard testimony from Jeremiah’s GAL, the People’s lawyer, Jeremiah’s worker, and then our worker. They all said over and over how glad they were that this child has found a family, and how much he truly wanted to be in one. That made me feel good. The people’s lawyer said that he got choked up when he looked over at us holding hands, and that he had a hard time not losing his composer.

It made me feel good to know that these people, who often get criticized of simply being a part of “the system”, genuinely cared about the best interest of Jeremiah and wanted to see him in a good family, and that they felt WE were that family.

It was good.

Anywho, all was signed, we shook hands with all, I asked a couple of questions about the decorations on the wall of the court room, and off we went.

We ate at an overpriced “grill” that had a good crab-cake sandwich, but not much else. But at least the state will be reimbursing us.

At this point, Hubby was not feeling well. He had not been feeling well all day, sinus stuff, but now he was getting light-headed and dizzy. So I drove.

I didn’t really feel any different after the ceremony. We called Jeremiah at the restraunt and to tell him all was official, and he cheered. But that was pretty much it. The biggest thought I had was that I am relieved that I won’t have to ask permission for traveling out of state any more.

The reason I am guessing I wasn’t thinking much of it is because Jeremiah has been my son for nearly a year now. I have never considered him my “foster son” or anything less than my son, so yesterday was just a confirmation of what has been. Of what is. So, good job, Michigan, you finally caught up!

So now continues the journey. I am so curious to see where God will lead our family this year, how He will shape us. Adventure.

As for Jeremiah’s response, well, let’s just say that he had a GREAT day yesterday, but had to do one very specific big “no no”, just to make sure nothing had really changed. That we were still who we’ve been. That we could really be trusted. And yes, we came through on that.

So here we go, continuing on our journey. Our new normal. I wonder how long that will last.

Blessings!

Hannah

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Back to school…for ME!

It’s been very busy around the Stubborn house lately.

Mama has been getting ready for school.

After being laid off since last October, I am going to be teaching preschool and kindergarten this fall at a small Christian academy. I’ve been contracted all summer to get the licensing process done, and we are in the very final step of completing that. I just had to make some minor adjustments to our policies and procedures. Very minor, since the school has most of what’s required written already.

I really have been torn all summer about going back to work, and so has my whole family. Hubby has gotten used to having me available to manage the home and keep the boys appointments and such in order, and that is going to be more difficult with me working full time again. Also, both boys have versed some anxiety over Mama working. Jeremiah is especially having a hard time. Even if I have to leave him at home while I attend a meeting, when I come home he makes sure to make it very clear that he was NOT HAPPY that I left him.

THANKFULLY Jeremiah will get to attend the school for free, so I will not have to be 1/2 hour away from him. YAY! I am hoping that he will feel more secure…as much as possible…with me just down the hallway. I’m hoping that it won’t mean that he will have more “home-style” behaviors at school, since he has proven himself to be very well-behaved at school.

Miah is also VERY excited to bring his lunch to school this year. Last year, since he got free lunch at school, I insisted that he take advantage of it. This year, since our school doesn’t serve hot lunch, he will get his dream. I am guessing the excitement will last about 2 days…maybe 3.

Gabe has been very supportive, and since we only had 2 suspensions last year, I am confident that he can handle being a little further away from Mom. Also, he has an extra motivator for good behavior, because he is playing football this fall, and Mom and Dad have made their expectations VERY CLEAR as to how much…or little…tolerance we will have before football goes bye-bye.

BUT the whole work thing kinda sucks because most of Gabe’s games are away…like really away…and I will have a hard time making those. Thankfully 2 of the first 4 games are home games. Hubby will have no idea what’s going on on the field, but he is excited to see Gabe play. I’m excited that Gabe is so excited.

So, the Stubborn house is really movin’ right now. Papa Stubborn is all in his own category. Lots and lots of prayers for him would be appreciated. Lots. Biggest thing being stress and time.

I am very excited about teaching, just concerned about the details and how everything will run.

Oh! Speaking of running! We are trying to figure out what to do about my car. I have a ’98 Buick PA that has seen better days. We are trying to decide whether to spend the good sum of money to get my car up to par so it will be able to handle the 60 mile round trip each day, or to trade it in to get a newer vehicle. Wisdom wisdom. Yes, Lord.

Okay. That’s all for now.

Oh! One more thing! Anyone know of good teacher discounts out there? Special offers?

Blessings!

Hannah

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Over the Hell Hump!?!?

3 days of good behavior. Not perfect, but amazingly good.

3 days of a little boy just acting like a little boy.

Playing. Eating birthday cake. Playing. Riding bike. Playing. Laughing. Swimming. Going to movies.

Kid stuff.

Normal. Everyday. Kid Stuff.

Wonderful.

Am I naive to think this is the end? No. Definitely not setting myself up for disappointment like that.

But, I am hoping that this is the beginning.

Yes. The beginning would be good.

Here’s to all our children’s beginnings!

Blessings!

Hannah

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Birthday Bullets (Points that is.)

• Tomorrow, July 28th, is my 26th birthday. Yes. 26.
• My husband is a pessimist, so he (who is also 26) has us at 100 already. You see, we are 26, so we are almost 30, so we are almost 50, so we are almost 100. Get it? Yeah. Me too.
• I am so glad to be home. So so so so so so so so glad to be home. I have missed my wonderful hubby so much, and I have been…ummm….enjoying him thoroughly.
• My friend, Britta, in Germany has informed me that it is already my birthday there. I told her to have some vanilla bean ice cream in my honor.
• Instead of the traditional homemade cake, I opted for a special treat this year.  At a silent auction for the school I will be teaching at this fall, I fell in love with an amazing butter cream cake layered with fresh fruit. It was AMAZING! I tracked it down and ordered it for our family celebration tonight. IT WAS INCREDIBLE! So incredible in fact that my hubby suggested doing the same for his birthday next year, only he wants a chocolate one. Can do.
• It does not feel strange turning 26 because I feel like I am catching up to who I really am. I have always acted and looked older than I actually am, so now I feel like I am closer to the real Hannah. It is still quite humorous when people do the math and realize that there is no biological way I could be Gabe’s mother. I love the look on their faces, and so does he.
• I was so blessed to receive 4 amazing CD’s from my beautiful sister, Rachel; the newest albums from Newsboys (with Michael Tait! YAY!), Anberlin, Leeland, and Tenth Avenue North. I am listening to them right now, and loving every minute of it.
• Poor Zoe. There is a summer thunderstorm on its way, and she is not liking it one bit. Poor puppy!
• The one birthday gift I really want is for Jeremiah to have a good day. A really good, no playing games, no manipulation, day, no crazy anger, day.
• MMMmmm. Vanilla bean ice cream.

Blessings!

Hannah

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So sweet to be home.

Long trip. Long long long long trip.

I missed my sweetie somethin’ awful.

I didn’t realize how much he missed me until I got home.

HE MISSED ME!!!

HE MISSED ME!!!

And to prove it he kissed me!

It’s very good to be home.

Very very very good.

Blessings!

Hannah

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Yesterday/Today

Yesterday he gave up.

Today he tried. Really REALLY hard.

Yesterday I gave up.

Today I had hope.

Yesterday they disrespected and defied.

Today they listened and followed instructions.

Yesterday I cried and cried and cried.

Today I laughed….not a whole lot, but I did.

Yesterday I mourned over my empty womb.

Today I rejoice with two sisters in Christ who have brought two beautiful daughters into this world.

Today I choose Today!

Blessings!

Hannah

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In Words

Not sure really how to explain this. It may sound arrogant, or horrible. Not sure.

I’ve been realizing the past couple of weeks that I’m not perfect.

No. Really.

I know you all know I’m not. And I’ve known it too. It’s just that sometimes I feel like this life is all a movie playing out in front of me, and that if I just follow the script, or push the right buttons things will just turn out right. Play out the way that they are supposed too.

I suppose my belief in God, my faith, has added to this strange concept for me. My husband has said of me recently that I am oddly covered with an amazing grace for others. I don’t get offended too easily, because….well…actually I don’t understand it. People who are close to me have said and done some pretty horrible things to me, but I am usually, oddly unphased. Usually. I should be mad. Crazy hurt, mad. But I’m not.

I’ve been working on this post for 3 days now. I am still not quite understanding what my heart wants to get out.

I explained to Hubby that it’s like every part of who I am is being challenged, and I feel like I’m losing each and every challenge.

In my heart, it feels like this:

Wife- Failing. Don’t know why I feel this way except that my hubby is incredibly stressed out and I am helpless to help him.

Mother- Failing. I’ve been losing my temper much more often than I prefer. I read how things are supposed to be done, and know quite clearly that I don’t measure up.

Woman- Nope. Still can’t make those babies. I realized today that I haven’t had a cycle in two months now. Great. Yup. Can’t even do that. (Sounds silly, doesn’t it. Oh well. That’s how hearts work sometimes.)

Sister- Failing. I don’t know my role in my sister’s life lately. It’s so complicated.

Daughter- Besides being WAY to far away, and seemingly helpless with all the drama and trauma that’s been occuring recently, this is the one area I at least understand how to be.

Worshipper- Yup, been failing at that too. My faith and reliance in God is probably the strongest that it’s ever been, simply out of necessity. But my discipline SUCKS! I keep WANTING to do more, pray more, read more. I want to study and memorize and soak. I can’t seem to get out of the Psalms, and the same ones over and over. Not that that’s bad, but I want MORE. Even in my ambition to train up the boys,  I’m failing. I can’t rely on my memory forever. Especially  not lately. I’m so tired, and worshipping my Lord, which should be the most essential, energizing thing, seems to be the thing requiring the greatest energy and strength. Can’t do it. Not well at least.

So now I will be teaching in the fall. Kindergarten and preschool to be precise. And I’m terrified. This is a gift that God has clearly given me since I was a little girl, and now I’m terrified that this part of my identity too will be challenged, and that I will fail. Miserably.

Then what will I have left?

See, there’s where the whining comes in.

Good days. Bad days. I understand that they will comes as they will.

I just need to push through this wall somehow.

Somehow.

Blessings!

Hannah

2 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, faith, infertility, marriage, parenting, prayer, RAD, The SAHM Adventure