Where? When? How?
There’s a song by Chris Tomlin that’s really popular right now called “I Will Follow” that has some really tough lyrics that I’ve been chewing on lately.
“Where You go, I’ll go
Where You stay, I’ll stay
When You move, I’ll move
I will follow…”
Another song by Kim Walker hits it hard along the same lines.
“Where you go I go
What you say I say
What you pray I pray
Jesus only did, What he saw you do
He would only say, What he heard you speak
He would only move, When he felt you lead
Following your heart, Following your spirit
How could I expect to walk without you
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I would not begin to live without you
For you alone are worthy you are always good.”
TOUGH STUFF!
I’ve been really struggling lately wanting to know what God wants from me, of me, to do with me. He’s given me many gifts, talents, and passions. Passions for learning, for teaching, and for serving that I have NO IDEA what to do with.
How, Lord, am I supposed to move if I have no idea where you want me to move?
I have a hearing issue I think. So many things clouding MY mind, MY heart, that I can’t hear Him. I have ADHD of the spirit right now.
Here, Lord? There, Lord? Oh, here again?
How do I get quiet? How do I STOP?
Lord, you’ve given me this crazy passion for pregnancy and birth and babies, and yet here I am with an empty womb. What do you want me to do with that passion? WHAT????
Teach? I could do that…if YOU wanted me to.
Be a mama to a baby that needs a mama? I could do that…if YOU wanted me to.
Become a doula to support mamas having babies? I could do that…if YOU wanted me to.
Shut up and just wait? I could do that too…if YOU wanted me to.
But I don’t want to do ANY of these things if it’s not what you want for me. I don’t want to be going left, when you want me to be going right. I don’t want to be going ANYWHERE if you want me to be standing still.
So here I am. Speak to me. I’m trying to listen. Thank you that you hear me and that you don’t get discouraged by my ADHD spirit. I love you. Amen. Amen.
Here’s to our adventures! (Raising a glass of chocolate milk.)
Blessings!
Hannah
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