And they keep on comin’

I dreamt about you again.

I could feel you inside me.

I dreamt about the passion that created you,

and the joy on your daddy’s face.

I dreamt that I was in a locker room bathroom peeing on a stick, and how quickly those two lines appeared.

I dreamt that my dear friend Melinda was there to catch me when I collapsed in disbelief,  because who else would be?

I could feel your kicks inside of me, unsure if you were a Samuel or a Kiva.

I felt so warm, and right, and peaceful.

And then I dreamt about aliens and a giant spaceship, because I’ve been watching too much Babylon 5 with your daddy.

And when do you think reality will catch up?

With the dream about you, I mean, because Babylon 5 is at least a few hundred years away.

I know that YOU aren’t.

Shall we meet again tonight?

Love always,

Your mommy.

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Apparently…

I’m allergic to A LOT!

I got my allergy test results and I am allergic to pretty much everything I suspected, and somethings I didn’t. This was just FOOD allergy testing. I have to still go get the prick tests for the airborne, but I have to wait a while for that because I just plain don’t have time right now.

Anywho, when I got tested, the results came back with a scale of 0-5. 0 meaning no reaction or antibodies in the blood, 5 meaning a life threatening reaction. On everything they tested for I am either a 2 or a 3. A 3 for milk, wheat, and eggs. Ouch. I am also confirmed allergic to brewer’s yeast (not a problem), peanuts (just a 2), apples, and strawberries.

After talking through more of my medical history with the allergist, it sounds like the chronic fatigue and weakened immune system I have been experiencing since high school may have definitely been food allergy related.

So….I have some work to do to see what I am truly allergic to and what is just cross reacting with what I am allergic to. I have been instructed on how to do a “food challenge” for each food I’ve tested positive for. Especially the more highly reactive ones. Basically,  you go for 4 days without that particular food, even trace elements, then on the fifth day you overload your system within the first two hours and see if you have a reaction. Obviously, you could have a very bad reaction, so they suggest you do the fasting days on Tuesday-Friday, and then do Saturday as your overload day. So, it will take a few weeks to see what I am truly reacting to.

My favorite foods are…well, ice cream, so that would be a major bummer if I was allergic to that. Oh, and did I mention that I am allergic to soy? Yeah, I’ve known that one since high school, so I can’t really do those wonderful alternatives.

Anywho, anyone who has experience with food allergies that would be willing to offer advice/tips would be my hero.

For now, we experiment and pray.

I’m really hoping that getting this figured out will help with many of my health issues…maybe even the baby-less-ness.

Blessings!

Hannah

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Before the awake-ness makes me forget

I had a dream last night.

I dream a lot. Crazy dreams. Dreams that don’t make sense. Dreams about my Hubby (I love those).

Sometimes the Lord even trusts me with prophetic dreams, but not too often.

And then there’s THOSE dreams.

Those dreams that cut me to the core.

Where God is dealing with something in my heart that is just too difficult, or complicated, or sensitive to deal with when my conscious self will try to get in the way.

***My apologies, this dream was just interrupted by an all out tantrum from an insecure 11 year-old. Now back to the dream.***

Okay, so the dream.

I don’t remember all the details, and there were a lot, but here is what I do know.

• There was a banquet with a lot of people we loved.
• Most of those people had little babies or children with them.
• Our pastor, PJ, was holding his new granddaughter (who in reality is not actually born yet) and we were talking about the joy of children.
• I started to weep uncontrolably over…you guessed it…the baby that I do not have.
• PJ tried to comfort me, giving words of wisdom about how faithful God is. Putting his hand on my shoulder. My heart could not receive it.
• Suddenly my daddy…MY daddy appeared. He held me in his arms and spoke words of comfort in my ear. Understanding my sorrow. Expressing his sorrow for me. I just sunk into his arms and wept. Poor guy’s shirt was probably soaked (you know, subconsciously.)
• And then I woke up. Feeling emotionally drained, but incredibly relieved and loved at the same time.

So…I haven’t dealt with my infertility stuff in a while. Honestly, I haven’t had time to even THINK about it, which I suppose is a good thing to not dwell on something that often brings sorrow, but I have also been purposefully avoiding it.

You see, our church, our extended family, has been in a very aggressive baby boom for the past two years. I believe I’ve mentioned this before, but my linking widget is currently on the fritz. Anywho, the baby boom continues, and NOW the ones who started it are coming back for seconds.

Most of the time I am completely and totally elated, like for my good friends N and S who just gave birth to baby Samuel on Wednesday. YAY!

But sometimes….

Well, you see I have this friend who really understands my pain. She has gone through much herself, and is also waiting to see the completeness of God’s promises. This very special friend gives me the heads up when ANOTHER person finds out that they are preggo (as is the popular word recently). She does this for me because it gives me time to process any emotions I might have about finding out BEFORE I have to talk to the person and try to congratulate them. I want to have a completely joyful heart for them, and that preparation time helps me do that.

Anywho, I’m still processing the dream. Especially the emotions behind it.

He peels me away, one layer at a time.

Blessings!

Hannah

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Twas’ the night before school starts

And all through the Stubborn house….

Well, I’m not that good at rhyming poems, that’s as far as that format will go. Ian, can you help me out here?

My classroom is organized. My lesson plans done. My car full of more stuff that friends have donated. Things are good.

Jeremiah is eating an ice cream cone THAT HE ASKED FOR! His jello is made and in the fridge. His out fit has been planned for days. His back pack is ready to go. Things are good.

Gabe just got home from football practice, which he is loving. He’s getting the trash ready to go out in the morning. He’s tested us a lot this week, and we’ve come through.  He’s going to be a junior, and is excited about it. Things are good.

Hubby is working on the big programming project he’s been working on for months. A good opportunity, but it’s hard. But he likes challenges. Things are good.

We’re figuring this out as we go along. Day by day things change. The consistency of school is good, and the boys crave it.

Now, we’ve just got to figure some of the new stuff out.

Like how to get kids to doctor’s appointments, and how to plan meals and keep up with laundry with Mom working again, and how to get used to homework again.

But we will.

And God will be with us on these new adventures he’s set out for us, because He is. So here we go.

ADVENTURE!

Blessings!

Hannah

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I’ve given in

to the modern era.

I now have a cell phone.

A dro*d to be specific.

My geeky-wonderful hubby found a deal where the phone was free with the plan.

I’ve needed one for a while. Need in the American sense where my husband was getting frustrated not being able to get a hold of me if I was in town, or in case of an emergency.

You see, we live out in the boonies. Even for the U.P., okay not really for the U.P., but still, we are out there. It wasn’t until very recently that you could even get cell phone coverage out here, so what was the point? But now I will be teaching and in town a lot, and Hubby is often on the road, so this will be a good thing.

We’ve got a family plan, so now my FIL, SIL, Rachel, and Hubby will all have phones. It will be useful for Rachel because she is heading overseas soon on a mission trip, and there are all kinds of do-dads and gadgets that would be helpful, like translators and such.

Anywho, I am in the 21st century now. AND I can play bejewled ANYWHERE!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA

Blessings!

Hannah

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Mrs. Stubborn’s Class

I met my class tonight.

My wonderful kids. 6 girls. 3 boys.

My classroom is ready. Mostly. Really.

Cubbies are labeled with names and animal symbols.

Curriculum is pulled out for the first week. Well, the math any way.

The lesson plan is written, through lunch anyway.

Juji is accustomed to her new, important spot by my desk.

I am commissioned, anointed, and equipped.

God is good, and I am so excited!

Blessings!

Hannah

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