Posted by Hannah Rae on May 28, 2010 in
Life in the Stubborn house
There’s me.
I’m not sure why I haven’t been writing. Lots of things combined, I suppose.
I’ve been feeling a bit embarrassed to write everything that’s been going on. My fellow RAD moms understand, but I fear that to the rest of you, the rest of the world, it simply seems like whining, or something I write for shock value. Neither of which I want to be true.
So I don’t write about it.
Things have been so chaotic that it seems my brain cannot seem to put coherent sentences together. I’ve been forgetting a lot of details of life…appointments, errands, to get up in the morning etc…
So I don’t remember details to write about.
I’ve been tired.
I’m trying to organize my thoughts, cuz I believe there are things worth writing about along our journey, I just can’t seem to get them to translate from heart language to head language to typing language.
So there it is.
Oh. A PRAISE! Jeremiah’s subsidy paperwork came through…so…that means we are only waiting on court dates now.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, blogging, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 22, 2010 in
Uncategorized
Any of my friends out there struggling with infertility should sign up for this encouraging little newsletter from Bethany Christian Services.
I made it into this month’s issue because of this post. The author of “When the Cradle is Empty” saw my post and contacted me about quoting my post in the newsletter. Very cool. Hundreds of families around the globe read the bi-monthly publication, so that is a really neat opportunity to hopefully touch many more readers.
Anywho, God is good. He is walking along with me on this journey, and we are taking it one step at a time.
Let’s see what happens today! 
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: infertility
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 17, 2010 in
Life in the Stubborn house
God brought this precious baby into the world. (The non-hairy one.)
AND NOW HE’S MINE! MWAHAHAHAHA!
I love you, my cashew.
Happy Birthday.
Leave a comment | | Tags: family fun, marriage
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 13, 2010 in
Life in the Stubborn house
God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.*
Even when my father-in-law’s house burns down.
God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.
Even when my father-in-law loses his job, and his business, after his house burns down.
God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.
Even when my step-daddy has a heart attack while on the road.
God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.
Even when my sister-in-law gets in her first car accident.
God reigned over the nations;
God was seated on his holy throne.
Even when my boys’ birth mothers chose to drink while pregnant. Even when they were abandoned….again…and again…
God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.
Even when my body fails me and I don’t feel like a real woman.
God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.
Even when I don’t know if I can handle another rage, or another lie, or another wish that I was not their mom.
God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.
Because. He. Is.
Because. He. IS.
Lord, you say that you know the plans you have for me, and that those plans are to prosper me, and not to harm me. You promise that you have plans to give me hope and a future. You promise, Lord, that when I call upon you, that you will answer me. That when I seek you with all my heart, I will find you.**
I know that, Lord. I do.
But I claim that for my family right now. Especially for my precious father-in-law and step-dad. You love them so much. I claim them for you. Right. Now. Touch their hearts. Be their strength when they run out. Be their healer. Be their peace.
Be their God.
Let it be.
Blessings!
Hannah
*Psalm 47:8
**from Jeremiah 29:11-12
Leave a comment | | Tags: faith, prayer, the hard stuff
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 11, 2010 in
Life in the Stubborn house
With commentary
My Mom
My mom is the greatest mom in the world.
She is happy when I am good.
She likes to listen to me when I play.
She cares for me.
She always remembers to tell me to take a shower.
(I definitely giggled when I read that.)
My mom is the greatest mom in the world.
She keeps me safe from danger.
She cries when I am hurt.
She worries that I will run away.
She feels sad when I am crying.
My mom is the greatest mom in the world.
She likes to tell me about when I was born.
(What I know, that is, and we fill in the details together.)
She understands when I am upset.
She dreams that I will be president.
(He admitted he didn’t know what I dream of, so he made something up.)
She hopes that I do good in school.
My mom is the greatest mom in the world.
My mom loves me, and I love her.
I wouldn’t trade her for no one else.
Mom, you are the greatest mom. I love you.
Love, Jeremiah
He’s able to say it. I am so thankful.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, parenting, RAD, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 8, 2010 in
Uncategorized
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. It’s an interesting day for me because of children I parent and the hurt they come from. It gets even more interesting when you add my journey with infertility into the mix.
One comment from an excellent post on RAD and Mother’s Day says it best, “The best thing about Mother’s Day for a RAD blogger mom is that it’s worth at least a week’s worth of posts.” Thanks, Kerrie. I guess I will be typing a lot this week.
Anywho, yesterday Miah shared a deep piece of pain from his heart and how much he misses his birth mom. It was so hard for him to share, and I was so proud of him. I told him that one thing our counselor suggested was that he could write letters to his birth mom and keep them in a special place so that he can give them to her if/when he finds her some day. He liked that idea. He felt good that he knew that I was not hurt by the fact that he misses her.
Today, I paid for that conversation.
He had let me in close, and today he felt terrified that he had allowed himself to open up to me like that.
Not. A. Fun. Morning.
He raged passively (yes, you can do that) and aggressively for a long time. It got even worse when I told him that my heart was telling me that maybe he was mad that he let me in close and told me about how he misses his birth mom. “How did you know that?” he yelled. “Who told you that?” I’d hit the nail on the head. Whoops.
More raging.
Finally crying.
Finally rocking.
Finally crying, and sobs, and memories, and reassurances.
“I know.”
“You’re right! It’s not fair. I wasn’t your choice.”
“I know. You miss her so much.”
One part that made me laugh…sort of…was when he was describing her and said that she wasn’t skinny, but big, like me. Thanks, Babe. Glad to know that brings you comfort.
It’s a very different journey, parenting these two boys of mine. Gabe has 15 years of memories with two other Mommies before me. Jeremiah has 6 years with who knows how many Mommies….at least 8. Gabe was not old enough to remember his birth mom. Jeremiah was. He was 6 when he had his last visit with her. He remembers just enough to make what he doesn’t remember that much more painful.
My husband has said of me lately that I am uniquely covered with God’s grace. It’s what my name means. I don’t quite understand it. In my mind I feel like I should be hurt by the fact that my boys, especially my baby, miss their mommies. But I’m not. I am a little jealous of the moments I missed out on, but when Miah talks about missing his mommy, or Gabe talks about wanting to find his mom someday, I understand. I’m thankful to God for that covering of grace, because feeling that jealousy or hurt would make this job that much harder.
Tomorrow will bring what it brings. I am teaching Children’s Church, so that will be fun.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, Being set apart, faith, infertility, marriage, parenting, RAD, The SAHM Adventure
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 5, 2010 in
Life in the Stubborn house
First, some good news.
Got an important call from an important State Trooper saying that an important legal matter of Gabe’s was being dropped. YAY! Thank you for all of you who were praying, even when you didn’t know what you were praying about.
Jeremiah has his first baseball game tomorrow. YAY! I am beyond excited….for him….and for me. I’m just loving being able to say “That’s my son!”He’s really doing well, and I’m hoping this is something he falls in love with and succeeds at. He needs some succeeding.
Unfortunately, we are in horrible need of rain, and it looks like God will be answering our moisture prayers tomorrow night. YUCK! Yay, God for the rain! I’m just hoping it comes the rest of the day, and stops around 5:00.
Now. What to do with a certain 17-year-old’s bad attitude. An attitude that has recently earned him 4 extra weeks of restriction. We saw something very similar happen last spring, so we are thinking possible trauma-versary. I’m just hoping that we can reach his heart before this goes too far.
Oh! And if you are praying, and I hope you are, please be praying that Jeremiah’s subsidy paperwork comes through ASAP. His consent to adoption came through 2 weeks ago, and Gabe’s consent and subsidy came through, like, 6 weeks ago, so we are just waiting on Miah’s. Our adoption worker 3.0 is bugging the worker incessantly, so I’m hoping we hear any day now.
Only 3 weeks of school left. Huh? Okay. Gotta figure that out too.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, Education Everywhere, faith, family fun, parenting, prayer, RAD
Posted by Hannah Rae on May 1, 2010 in
Life in the Stubborn house
- The puppies are six weeks old tomorrow. They will be getting their first shots on Monday, and then heading to their new homes. We will have Brutus and Tres a little longer until we can arrange for their families to pick them up. Brutus is going all the way to A-town (Isn’t he, Don!) I will miss them all dearly, but Brutus is my buddy. He’s so calm and easy going. I love that rolly polly pup.
- My FIL’s house burned down last Saturday, so we’ve been dealing with that big mess. Thankfully, the room where most of the family photos and documents were kept was spared from the flames. However, there was still a lot of water damage to deal with since the fire dept. pumped over 20,000 gallons of water into the house. Anywho, my FIL is living with us until our renters move out of our other house on the 15th, then he will move there until they figure out what’s gonna happen with the farm. God has been so good through this and is really showing Himself to us in new ways. It’s amazing. Amazing.
- Both boys have been really struggling, but we got a little light yesterday at counseling. Both boys had the best sessions they’ve had yet, and I really feel like I got some useful insight into their hearts and minds.
- Today I participated in a Mom-to-Mom sale that benefitted our local crisis pregnancy clinic. I didn’t make much money, but I had a great time hanging out with some good friends and their precious baby girls. I have to admit that I did have to really guard my heart watching all those pregnant and new mommies wander around with their little bundles. It was an infertile woman’s worst nightmare, but I made the best of it and really did enjoy myself.
- Summer is fast approaching, which means I have to get my butt in gear planning the academic routine for the kiddos. Gabe is going to need some major tutoring, and we have a reading therapist lined up for Jeremiah. AH! SO MUCH TO DO!
- Oh! And I FINALLY got a mini-trampoline for Jeremiah to use, and it’s working MARVELOUSLY! He is already asking to use it when he is getting stressed, and it really does seem to help him regulate faster and get out of his funk.
- Miah’s first baseball game is on Thursday. I am so excited to see him play. He’s really good. Like, I’m not just braggin’ cuz I’m his mama. The coach and the other mama’s are amazed that he has never played before. The coach already has him pitching, and he even caught a line drive during practice the other day. I am so glad that he is finding something to succeed in.
Okay. I think that’s it for now.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, parenting, The SAHM Adventure
