Pushin’ Through and Pizza

It’s been a very tough few days.

Jeremiah has been tantruming at levels of anger I have never seen before. And it’s all directed at me. His anger and viciousness, especially with his words, have really shocked me.

I am so thankful that our Nancy Thomas DVD’s came in at the beginning of the month, cuz they have really helped. Without them, I think I would have felt completely helpless.

I must say that I did fairly well. I did not lose my temper, did not yell, did not physically lose control, stayed in presence of mind, spoke to him softly with as much love and sincerity that I could muster.

Wednesday, the rage resulted in a game of hide and seek, outside and in, that resulted in a handsome, but naive, State Trooper in our home giving Miah a serious talking too….that did nothing. The rage continued for over an hour after he left. Miah eventually calmed, but never regulated. Even at bed time he was still doing his best to show me that he was in control and that he would disrespect me as long as he pleased.  He was not successful in that endeavor.

Yesterday, I was tired. I had only gotten a few hours of sleep the night before and needed the morning to spend with two of my best friends and their precious little ones. I needed it so badly. They spoke into my heart, and I left feeling full.

Which was good, cuz soon I would be empty again.

The rage started about 4, after our new (#3) adoption worker came and left. Apparently he didn’t get enough of her attention and decided it was my fault.

He calmed for about an hour, which seems to be a pattern, but he was never really regulated. He started right up again as soon as he got an instruction he didn’t care for. He’d had enough of Mama.

After 2 more hours of raging I needed some help, and Hubby was on his way home from A Town. I called a friend who has worked with Miah before, and is thankfully only a couple of minutes away. She came and hung out while I got some water and mindlessly played my addiction game while praying for wisdom…and for Hubby to get home soon.

He did.

He rescued me.

He told Miah in no uncertain terms that this kind of disrespect of Mama would NOT be tolerated.

He stood up for me in a way that I couldn’t do myself. And it made all the difference…to me. We’ll see what happens with Miah today. Hubby wants him to rage today, just to try it when Dad is around. I doubt it will happen.

Now, the question I get a lot is “Why is Miah doing this?” Excellent question. We broke it down into percentages last night, and it goes something like this:

-10% Trying to prove that Mom and Dad love him  no matter what. Or rather, trying to prove that we are going to give up on him.

-90% Trying to make us pay when Jeremiah does not get what he wants, because he wants to do what he wants to do. Those are his words.

That’s all we know.

Today is a new day.

And I just got a call from the florist. Hubby is sending me flowers.

Blessings!

Hannah

Leave a comment | 3 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: behavior challenges, parenting, RAD, the hard stuff

Learning to be Mom

I am learning to be Mom.

I am learning how to manage our household efficiently, getting every day things accomplished, and making our house a home.

I love it.

I am learning how to expand my horizons in cooking, and breaking old habits to help our family be healthy and successful.

I love it.

I am learning how to be a better listener, how to reach my husband’s heart, and how to support him so he can lead us and be successful.

I love it.

I am learning how to be a healer. God’s hands and words of healing for my wounded boys. I am learning how to forgive myself when I really screw it up, and take what I’ve learned to do better the next time, cuz there is always a next time.

I love it.

It takes courage, and patience, and wisdom, and knowledge, and patience, and wisdom, and courage.

And love.

And I’m learning how to be Mom.

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Jeremiah likes to climb.

Yesterday, he climbed all over.

All over the tree house.

Up aortas.

Down aortas.

And all over….

all over…

THE Big Red Dog.

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Apple Town get away…day 2

So many fun moments today.

So many not fun moments today.

Both boys woke up grouchy. Gabe is having a very hard time taking responsibility for his actions…any actions….and we are seeing a lot of regression right now. He acts 12 more and more lately, which is not good when your son is almost 17. We have friends who have a son who is about Gabe’s age who is also adopted, but he has some developmental delays, so he really does act like a 12 year old. This is not the case with Gabe. Gabe is fully able to act 16, and he does most of the time. He seems to like to make grown up choices quite a bit, and has been lately, unfortunatley. Unfortunately because adult choices come with adult consequences that a 16 year old is not capable of handling. Nothing life altering as of yet. As. of. yet. We are praying on that one.

Anywho, I majorly digress.

So both boys started out with the grouchies, but I told them I was determined to have a great day with them, and so we moved on. I had to reassure Jeremiah many times that if he was feeling anxious or scared, that all he had to do was let me know and I would do everything I could to help him calm down and feel more secure. I used the powerful line I’ve been hearing more and more about, “I’m right here.” It helped. He told me it did.

We ventured off to the local children’s museum, which was AWESOME!!!! We played together for a good three hours, after we found parking, which was an adventure in itself. There were many cool exhibits, if you can call them that. My favorite was the frog exhibit. There were frogs from all over the world. My favorites were these cool critters, Vietnemese Mossy Frogs. There was a challenge to find all 9 that were hiding in the exhibit, and we were very excited when we figured out that there were three hiding in a single corner.

Another cool exhibit was an electromagnetic crane that you could use to pick up steel marbles and drop them into funnels and tubes and such. I was surprised that the boys didn’t play with it longer, but their wonderful ADHD brains were already off to the next thing.

Gabe’s favorite thing was a series of tracks that you could send golf balls down and try to get them to land into specific targets. He really got into it and started experimenting with different variables, such as height, speed, and how many balls were used at a time. Jeremiah had to sit out on that one for a little while because of some unapproved wandering, but he enjoyed it too.

Jeremiah’s favorite exhibit is a toss up between the ball machine and the tree house. The ball machine was a series of suction tubes and funnels that you could send balls through and try to get them to specific destinations. There was a bin up high that collected balls, and when the red light flashed it would dump all the balls on the head of the person standing below. He loved standing below it and letting the balls fall all over him. The tree house was a series of cargo nets and platforms that went all over the two story museum. He said he thought it would be really cool to have something like that in your house. I agree.

After a crazy afternoon of shopping craziness, including some wonderful scrapbooking successes, and Jeremiah’s first trip to Toys R Us, we had dinner with Hubby and came back to the hotel. The boys wanted to go swimming, and since attitudes had improved, I was more than glad to oblige. I needed some hot tub time anyways, especially after a long day of walking and climbing.

One of my favorite parts of the day was wrestling with Gabe and Jeremiah over two pool balls. Gabe was trying desperately to get the second ball, and it took all that Jeremiah and I could muster to hold him back. Two guys came in while we were wrestling, one was trying to read, and I thought about how glad they would be once we left, but I didn’t care, I was having fun with my boys. Jeremiah and I eventually won the war and successfully obtained both balls. It was a wonderful victory. Boy oh boy, Gabe’s legs are strong. I reminded him that on land he would have no chance, as I weigh nearly twice what he does. The water was definitley working to his advantage. Anywho, it was fun.

They are sleeping now. Tomorrow will be another adventure, hopefully without the grouchies.

Blessings!

Hannah

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In enemy territory…and loving it!

Hubby person travels a lot. It sucks, but we deal, and are grateful that he has a job. It’s a very stressful job at times, because he is too good at what he does and gets taken for granted…a lot.

But I digress.

So Hubby person travels a lot. Not very far. Only about 3.5 hours from our homestead, but it’s far enough to feel like you’ve gotten away. The boys have mid winter break this week, so we decided that it would be a good opportunity to have a change of pace and join hubby on his excursion.

After a slow start this morning, we arrived at our destination in the early afternoon. The hotel that Hubby stays in is quite lovely. Unlike some of my blogger-type friends, I don’t mind hotels. At least nice clean ones like this one. We are staying in the same room that Hubby normally stays in, which is super nice. It has a separate bedroom and living room, so Hubby and I will have our privacy, and the boys feel like there is a bit more normalcy. Our space and theirs.

My favorite thing about this place is the family aquatic fun center, aka, pool. You will definitely see pictures later of the boys and myself having fun down there. It has a large pool, a water slide, a really big hot tub, and a toddler play area with one of those cool mushroom rain thingys. So fun! Last time I came down was this summer, Rachel and Gabe and I (Jeremiah wasn’t with us yet) spent a good couple of hours just going down the water slide over and over.

Anywho, the boys and I spent some time at the nice big mall this afternoon. Gabe wanted to look at shoes, so we went into some of the more popular men’s shoe stores that also carry a lot of sports wear. Jeremiah was cracking me up because he kept saying (very loudly) “Mom, where is all the Vikings stuff?” Of coarse, where we are is less than 20 minutes from the stadium of the Viking’s arch rival, so the walls of all the sporty stores were covered in green and gold. I smiled at Miah and told him to be careful or he would get us shot. It didn’t stop him. Every opportunity he had he would make comments (again, with loud volume) about how dumb it was that they didn’t carry Vikings stuff and how much better the Vikings were etc…

How my little troll (you know, those people from below the bridge) of a son became a Vikes fan, I have no idea. Maybe it was wired into his being because God knew that eventually he would become part of a family heritage that springs from Duluth, and therefore being a Vikings fan, although not a requirement, is a definite plus. Who knows.

Anywho, the boys are resting now. Minor attitude issues have arisen throughout the day, but nothing out of the ordinary. Jeremiah is especially have a hard time handling the excitement and anxiety that all these new situations pose, but he pulls it together quickly after a little extra Mommy time. Gabe is a whole ‘nother ball game, which I will have to get into another time. Thankfully, Hubby is very intuitive with him and can call things out for what they are in a way that I am envious of. It will take practice I guess.

Anywho, tomorrow’s plans include spending most of the day at the local children’s museum, which I am totally psyched about. They have a traveling frog exhibit right now that looks really interesting. The exhibit travels, not the frogs. Well, I suppose the frogs travel too, but you get the point. Do you? Anywho, after we tire of the children’s museum, Gabe wants to check out a snow boarding shop that we spotted today, and I want to wander into the scrap booking store we found. I am also excited to get to bring Jeremiah to the Toys R Us, cuz I don’t think he’s ever been in a big toy store before. Plus, there is a Babies R Us adjoined to it, and those are always fun for me to explore.

Anywho, hopefully I can get some pictures up tomorrow. I still have to figure out some sizing issues on my puter, so I might just photo bucket them.

I’m praying for some renewal while we are here. God knows we need it, and I am trusting him to provide.

Blessings!

Hannah

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Summer home school ideas

We will return to the regularly scheduled drama after this short message.

Summer is coming soon.

No! Really! It’s almost mid February, which means that March, April, and May are all that stand between me and a 3 month break from school for my boysies.

So I am trying to plan ahead to prepare for the extra time and lack of structure that will ensue.

Jeremiah is especially anxious about having three whole months off. He hates it when there is 1 day off of school. At all of his former placements, they had year round, in-house school, so he has never experienced summer break before.

Sooo….Mom is trying her best to plan now for how to fill the time with structure and learning to help him and Gabe stay on track academically as well as help Miah feel more at ease with the break.

So, (yes, that is how I am starting paragraphs this post) I need help from all my awesome home schooling mom and dad friends out there to help me with resource ideas.

Here are the topic areas that I think the boys would most benefit from:

Gabe

• Algebra 2
• Chemistry or Physics (I have to find out what he is signed up for next year. I can’t remember what the order is.)
• English 11, especially focusing on vocabulary, writing skills, and reading comprehension. (This is Gabe’s worst subject, so it will need to be something that is very comprehensive.)
• US History (He’s currently failing this class because of….well…laziness, so I really want to grab his attention. I like the Drive Thru History DVD’s, but am curious of any other good history resources out there.)

Jeremiah

• 4th and 5th grade math (He hasn’t mastered basic math skills yet, such as counting, adding etc…but we are trying to help him work near grade level as well, so any program that has a variety of elementary levels would be helpful. Computer programs would be a good motivation for him as well. )
• Reading and vocabulary (This is Miah’s hardest subject as well. He reads at about a kindergarten/first grade level, and comprehension is very difficult, so any help in this area would rock.)
• Science exploration (We will be doing a lot of traveling this summer, so something that will incorporate a lot of exploration would be excellent.)

Okay, so that is what we need. We will be going all over the place this summer, from Northern MN, to Chicago, to the Black Hills, maybe even Texas, so my goal is to incorporate learning where ever we go. The lower the cost for the materials the better, but we will pay for quality materials.

I feel like I should know more about this by now, but since both of my boys are in public school right now, I’ve lost my motivation to research.

HELP!

Blessings!

Hannah

Oh, and let me know if you want to send me a longer message and I will shoot you my e-mail.

Leave a comment | 7 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: Education Everywhere, Learning differences, The SAHM Adventure

How should Christians handle gripes?

We decided to treat ourselves and good friends of ours to pizza today.

We went to our favorite pizza place and were excited to get some fellowship time.

Without going into all the details, let’s just say it ended badly. We were not being loud or rude, there was simply a misunderstanding about a special. When we had just started eating our pizza,  the owner came out to our table and was extremely rude and passive aggressive and began clearing our table very quickly as we were still sitting there, including our drinks, which we were not done with. When I pulled him aside to speak to him calmly (you know, so my husband wouldn’t strangle him) he refused to look at me and kept trying to push past me. It was horrible!

We left with such a sad feeling, because this was our favorite restaurant. Whenever we have a date night, that’s where we go. Whenever we are celebrating a birthday, that’s where we go. The pizza is awesome, and so are the other entrees.  BUT THE OWNER WAS SO BILIGERANT!

We left quietly without making any more fuss, that is AFTER we paid and we tipped our waitress directly and generously, cuz she ROCKED and she felt so badly about the owner’s behavior. But it has stuck with us. How could we have handled things differently? Was I too direct? I don’t think so, and I definitely wasn’t rude. In fact, my 16 year old commented that he was shocked at how angry the owner was, and that he thinks he felt threatened because he wouldn’t give me eye contact. “At least show the person respect.” Gabe said.

So how should Christians handle gripes like this?  He was the owner, not the manager, so I can’t write a letter to the owner. Hubby wants to call and give him a chance to apologize before we do anything else. I think that’s a good plan, although I don’t think he will apologize. Do we complain to the BBB? Do we write to the franchise owner? Or do we just forgive and forget?

I am one of those people who has no trouble sending food back if it is done incorrectly, especially since I have some allergies that I need to watch out for. I am always very pleasant and thank them for their service, but I have no trouble asking for quality when I spend my money. I feel like this is similar. We were paying customers who spend a lot of money throughout the year at that restraunt, and I feel that respect is at least deserved.

I’m having trouble thinking of places where scripture talks about this kind of situation. I know what scripture says about handling gripes between Christians, but this is different.

Wisdom?

Blessings!

Hannah

Leave a comment | 3 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: Being set apart

I could have saved 16 bucks

If I would have been patient and waited till this morning to take the prescribed HPT.

That’s right.

I got my period this morning.

Sigh.

Of coarse I discovered this AFTER I took the second test. It was kind of humorous. Not pregnant? Well I guess not.

I’m still nauseous. All I’ve been able to muster down is a peanut butter and banana sandwich.

Oh crap! I just realized I left my Diet Pepsi in the freezer!!!

Phew. Just slushy. We’re all good.

My heart is doing all right, thanks to the prayers and support of some awesome friends. Brothers and sisters in Christ.

They love me.

I’m glad.

Blessings!

Hannah

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I cheated

I took the HPT a day early.

No.

God still waits.

When I told Hubby that God still waits, well….

Not the comfort I was hoping for.

He’s under so much pressure right now, especially at work. I get that. I just don’t get how we can view a baby, a pregnancy so drastically differently.

I’m trusting my Heavenly Father as much as I can with my Beloved’s heart.

The words that came over me were “Remember, Hannah, He loves Hubby as much as He loves you. He loves Him, and will only give him what he can handle, and maybe a baby is more than what his heart can handle right now.”

God loves my husband. He loves me. He’s going to comfort me. He’s going to comfort my beloved.

That’s all I need to know.

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Stream of consciousness

Not feeling too well. Hubby had a stomach bug and was out for 3 days. I threw up this morning. My tummy is usually a little queasy in the mornings, but this was worse. Well, bad enough that I actually puked. The boys were concerned and kept asking if I was ok. I eventually choked out that I couldn’t really talk at the moment. They almost missed the bus. I kept puking.

I don’t know if it’s the stomach bug, or my period’s coming or, maybe, possibly, I’m actually pregnant. The thought keeps going around in my head in weird looptie loops. I am…I’m not…It’s just the flu…What if I am….how will I tell Hubby…can Hubby  handle it….what if he freaks…how will I respond…I’m not pregnant, so it doesn’t matter….etc….

I’m tired. Thankfully, Hubby is feeling well enough today that he was able to take over for a while with the boys while I slept for a few hours.

Thursday is day 40. The day my doc told me that I could take a pregnancy test if my period hadn’t come yet.

So Thursday it will be.

Thursday.

Blessings!

Hannah

Leave a comment | 4 comments so far (is that a lot?) | Tags: infertility, marriage