Stream of consciousness

I’m tired. I have to pee, but I don’t have the energy to go across the house at this moment. My knee hurts. My shoulder hurts. Basket holds take a toll on my shoulder. Too many in the past few days. I hate them. Well, I hate having to use them. They are quite handy, actually.

I like Narnia. I love the analogies and the redemption. I hate how wolves always get a bad rap. They are such beautiful creatures.

Is anyone missing a very large lab/golden retriever mix? He’s at our house, again. He keeps looking in the window. I call him Dukie. What’s that from? It’s a cartoon, I know, but I can’t remember which one.

I want to make love to my husband, but he’s very distracted and stressed right now. I’m sad about a lot of things and need his comfort. He is such a comfort, but also the source of a lot of what I need comforting from. How does that work? Oh yeah! I LOVE HIM! Love is hard. Love is very very very hard.

Love is not “like”. I do not like my 10 year old much right now. He’s causing so much chaos and hurt and stress. He’s distracting my husband from the work he needs to get done which means he’s more stressed and not able to connect with me. I need my husband to connect with me.

Dukie is whining at our front door to come in. I would, but he is not fixed, and neither are my girls. Not a good combo. Zoe really wants him to come in. He’s scratching at our door. Zoe really wants him to come in. Nippy is growling at him. Of coarse.

I could use some of Aslan’s deep magic right now. Oh yeah! I have it! Holy Spirit, come.

I don’t know how to get Jeremiah to care. I can’t make him. It’s impossible. He needs therapy, but our new therapist (an hour away) doesn’t have an opening till the 28th.

Pray for us. Pray for our marriage, that we would be able to connect to each other and not be driven apart. Pray that I would know how to honor my hubby, and yet, pray that I will know how to handle when we disagree. When his defense for me goes too far. When his stress boils over.

I need some peace.

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