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A picture from a fall past
My sibs and myself going to the harvest party sometime in the early 90's
Hallo-what? Part 2
Yesterday I discussed why our family has chosen to not participate in typical Halloween activities. I thought some of you might be wondering how our boys feel about our decision.
When I have fantasized about motherhood, many of my fantasies center around building traditions with my kids. Traditions are memory makers, and I couldn’t wait to get to experience those things with my kiddos. Well, when you adopt an older child they come pre-loaded with memories of traditions they have already experienced. This never really occurred to me until we started to have conversations with our boys about childhood memories. Neither of my boys were raised in particularly Christian families, and definitely not as conservative as ours, so I wasn’t surprised that Halloween was something that they were used to participating in.
Jeremiah was especially exposed to a lot of age-inappropriate scary things, i.e. movies, stories, humor etc… When he moved in, there were quite a few things that we had to put away that were not appropriate for a 10 year old little boy to have. Not surprisingly, when Hubby person and I discussed our feelings about Halloween, he was initially upset. But, since our approach is simply not to focus on the holiday, it soon became not such a big deal, especially since he knew he would still be able to dress up and go to a really cool party.
Gabe on the other hand comes with a lot more history. He has 16 years of memories and traditions, and those are difficult for him to ignore. Thankfully, Gabe is very dedicated to pleasing my hubby and myself, and, in general, tries to respect our decisions. Well, the ones he considers important. He understands why we are trying to help him learn to honor God with his whole life, and has barely fought us on this decision at all. Of coarse, now he has the dreaded plague and probably won’t be able to participate in activities anyway. 
Anywho, this is just the beginning of the journey. We are still learning so much about our boys. Heck, 10 and 16 years is a long time. This upcoming season is going to be one of adventure, and I’m sure plenty of heartache, but I’m hoping maybe some good memories too.
Lord, give me patience as I learn more and more about my sons. Help me to be sensitive to their hearts as they remember things that are not easy to remember. Help us to replace any bad memories with as many good ones as possible. Bind our family together with love.
Blessings!
Hannah
Hallo-what?
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)
How do you feel about Halloween?
As I was growing up, I didn’t see what the big deal was. My family never celebrated All Hallow’s Eve as a holiday. The end of October to me meant fall leaves, pumpkin carving*, and going to our church’s Harvest or Hallelujah party. We didn’t watch much T.V., but the shows we were allowed to watch were very family centered, so the scary element wasn’t there. At least, I don’t remember it. The reason I don’t remember was that it was never made a big deal.
*Yes, I realize pumpkin/jack-o-lantern carving has some negative, pagan connections, but that’s not what our family focused on. It was a fun, creative, messy activity that we loved.
The questions I usually get when people find out that we didn’t celebrate Halloween as a kid are pretty typical…
Didn’t you feel left out? Nope. Not one bit. We usually got to pick out our own special bag of candy from the store the day AFTER Halloween (50% off baby!). And I bet we had a lot more fun inside the nice warm church playing games than trick-or-treaters were having in the cold South Dakota weather going door to door.
Did you miss dressing up? Nope. We still got to dress up for the harvest parties, the costumes were just kid-friendly, non-scary, fun stuff. My sister and I dressed up a lot anyway and frequently bought face paint just for fun.
Don’t you think you were deprived of an essential part of childhood? Nope. Our family made our own memories, and lots of them, and that’s what counts.
My hubby person’s family is not as conservative as mine, so he had different experiences. He went trick-or-treating and did all the typical halloween stuff. When he found out that our family did not participate in Halloween activities, he was intrigued. He understands and respects my parents’ choices, and when it came to chosing what we would do with our own children, he was very open to my heart’s point of view.
So….we’ve decided that our family is going to follow my family’s tradition of not making a big deal of Halloween. Notice, I did not say make a big deal of ignoring and shunning Halloween. Our goal is not to make other people feel bad, or to scare our boys about all the evil in the world. Our goal is to glorify God with what we chose to celebrate, and that is what Philipians 4:8 says so well. We want to CELEBRATE whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy.
So, I will be taking Jeremiah to an AWESOME harvest party held at a local church. He will be dressed as a Ninja (and yes, I think there are some good, noble things there 
) and will go from room to room with 300 other kids playing awesome carnival games with Bibical themes. He will win some cool prizes and get way too much candy. Then, we will come home and carve pumpkins and make pumpkin pie and talk about all the amazing things God has blessed us with.
Some of you may be asking, how do the boys feel about this traidition? More on that tomorrow.
Blessings!
Hannah
The Bad Mom’s Club
I was reading through my blog reader and came across this post by another fantastically bad mom. I realized, as I was leaving an incredibly comment on her post, that she touched on a nerve that I will now blog about. Thanks Queen Mommy!
Things have been tough lately. Both boys are experiencing family and safety, which for them is very scary and threatening. Both boys are reacting in extremely different ways, both equally unhealthy, but entirely different.
Gabe has become very inclusive. He goes from being extremely depressed one day to crazy hyper and immature the next…and no, he is not bipolar or manic depressive. He chooses this behavior, very carefully. On the depressive days, we take notice and pry into those areas that he does not want to visit, we ask a lot of questions to try to get him to open up and this, of coarse, is very uncomfortable for him. Therefore, the next day he goes into overly hyper, happy mode. His normally 16-year-old self becomes very 12-year-old like. His entire purpose is to distract us from the issues, but unfortunately this does not work and we pry even more. We were on the depressive part of the this cycle today. We shall see what tomorrow brings.
Bad mom club qualification #1: I suck at talking to my teenage son. I feel very inadequate in my interactions with Gabe. He doesn’t open up to me, and although I know that not everyone is as verbal as I am, my husband can get him to open up much quicker. This has to do with his mom issues, I know, but when hubby person is gone, SOMEONE has to be able to give this child the comfort he needs, and I hate it that he can’t accept it from me. His pursed lips and big eyes make me want to scream at him “Just get mad already! Tell me to eff off, or go to hell or SOMETHING!” I told him the other day that this is a safe place to get angry. He basically told me he doesn’t believe there is such a thing.
Now….Jeremiah.
His trauma is becoming more and more apparent in explosive ways. I figured out a new trick today to counteract how he tenses his body up when he is feeling threatened, so that helped, but I am feeling worn. Hubby person got a good taste today of what my week from hell was like while he was gone. Even the things I just laugh at and redirect were getting under his skin, so I feel more understood now. It’s so hard not to go into controlling, authoritarion mode when you have a little child who is doing everything in his power to remain in power.
Bad Mom Club qualification #2: I am rediscovering my temper that I thought had died when I was a teenager. He has needed to be restrained multiple times lately in order to keep him from hurting himself, and it is very difficult to not use my size and strength to make it a very uncomfortable experience. Thankfully, I am very aware of what I am doing and try to take breaks as needed, but when I was alone for that whole week, and we had a day that ended with 4 pretty serious restraints, AHHHHH. Okay, I did successfully catch on to the game last night BEFORE we got into the Jeremiah “I am going to MAKE you restrain me so I can get the 1 on 1 attention that I don’t know how to ask for” game. We did. YAY! It was truly a grace of God moment.
And what do I do to help these boys get over their trauma? WHAT? They know I love them, well, they hear it, and they say it back. They are well taken care of…fed….clothed etc….I pray WITH them, pray OVER them, pray FOR them.
Therapy? Oh, we would LOVE to have our boys in therapy. I read about all these other bad moms who take their traumatized children to therapy once a week or more, and I totally covet them. However, we are in a very difficult place, literally. Where we are geographically located is a therapist desert. For goodness sakes, the closest child psychologist is 3 frickin’ hours away! Also, the agency we are currently associated with is requiring that all therapy be taken care of in house. One problem. THEY DON’T HAVE ANY THERAPISTS ON STAFF!!! Hence our wonderful (and I truly mean that) social worker who is able to come out 3 times a month and spend an hour or two with our family. That is the only counseling they/we get. ACK!
So that’s it, I guess. That’s my rant. I am totally, completely dedicated to loving these boys through their trauma, but I need some help here!
During one of the worst Jeremiah tantrums last week, I had a mini trantrum of my own. When I came downstairs, Gabe asked if I was okay.
“Oh, not really.” I said through the tears, ” I just have two very hurt boys, and it makes me so mad that I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”
I love you, my precious sons. You are worth every tear I cry. I am believing for your complete and total healing, in Jesus’ name. In the meantime, thank you for putting up with such an imperfect mom.
Blessings!
Hannah
Sick Day Traditions
I’m not aware how the rest of the country is fairing at the beginning of this history making flu season, but the UP is not off to a good start. Entire school districts are being closed down as more than 25% of their student population is out sick. The local news tonight said that 80% of all the flu cases are the dreaded H1N1. That’s a lot.
Our family has been sick, but not with H1N1. Hubby person came home from his business trip and woke up the next day with horrible body aches, 102 fever, and a bad cough. Today, I’ve been out with a really bad head cold, but none of the flu-ish stuff.
When I was a kid, I was sick quite a bit. I am pretty susceptible to lung-related illnesses and have had bronchitis and/or pneumonia nearly every winter since I can imagine. The one thing I can always remember my mom getting me when I was sick was 7up. We weren’t a pop drinking family, so this was a special treat that also encouraged us to drink fluids. My husband really likes powerade, so that has become our sick day beverage of choice. I also remember watching a lot of M*A*S*H and Little House on the Prairie while snoozing on the couch.
Does your family have any sick day traditions? Do you get to eat or drink something special? Does Mom or Dad have a special medicine-giving routine like on one of my favorite Cosby episodes?
I hope everyone is staying well, and if you’re not, I pray you come to full health and strength very soon.
Blessings!
Hannah
My ears are so excited!
Cuz this came in the mail yesterday!
My family and I are HUGE radio theatre fans. And yes, you have to spell it the British way. They make car trips not only bearable, but something to look forward too. ( I wanted to write anticiable, but that is not a real word, so I decided to be grammatically correct today.) The Chronicles of Narnia productions are our absolute favorite, but the Father Gilbert Mysteries are a close second. AND NOW THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS!!!! YAY!!!!
By the way, I don’t get a penny for endorsing these, they are just something my family really enjoys, and I hope you will too.
Blessings!
Hannah
I is too tired for good grammar
The Flu sucks, especially when hubbies who have been gone for two weeks get it and need to be babied when all I want to do is sleep myself. Either that or SCREAM!
Jeremiah is still very off balance. He had a great morning at church only to go totally bonkers after earning video game time. I don’t think he can handle even small doses of it. His behavior crashes every time.
I’m so tired, but the day is not done yet.
And yet, I love being mom and wife. I love the fact that I am running my household well, and that my family can depend on me. I just can’t get too addicted to that feeling.
I’m also really chewing on the sermon from this morning. Good stuff. Tough stuff.
Blessings!
Hannah
Still waiting for Friday
Things have calmed down with Jeremiah a bit…thankfully. He still has very few privileges and isn’t allowed any toys in his room until he proves he can be trusted with them, but we haven’t had any break-in attempts or restraints in the past 48 hours, so that’s an improvement.
We had dinner with friends of ours tonight and Miah was bouncing off the walls as usual. He went outside to play and soon appeared outside the dining room window posing in various Jeremiah classic poses. Our hostess chuckeled and said, “Does he ever come down?”
“Nope. This is pretty much him 24/7.” I smiled.
That led to numerous humorous stories by another friend about how he was just like Miah when he was young. He explained in hillarious detail all the things his father used to do to try to wear him out. Our hostess literally fell over she was laughing so hard. I thought she would end up with a hernia. But the good news is, the grown man telling the stories is now a well balanced, yet still hyper, man. He is happily married and succesful in the National Gaurd. But still VERY hyper.
Hubby person comes home Friday. He’s been at a conference all week and I am super jealous of all the fun he’s having. All kinds of geeky fun, like getting to hear Michael Dell (the founder of Dell computers for all you non-geeks) speak, and getting to go to an Aerosmith concert. The keynote today even surprised everyone with the surprise appearance of Governor Schwartzenager. Anywho, he’s in geek….um….not heaven, but Disney world maybe?
I’m missing my hubby. I miss his hugs and his kisses and his warmth, and especially his smell. I’m missing his support, although he does call often and talks to the boys and tells them to behave themselves. I’m missing real conversations with him instead of just daily updates. Real conversations that involve talking and listening. Right now I could even use some crying.
I never knew that being a mom would bring out so many emotions. I mean, I knew of coarse, but I didn’t KNOW! I don’t like the fact that I am rediscovering some of my temper that I thought I had lost…no pun intended. I love the fact that I love these boys as if they had come from my own body, although I don’t really have anything to compare that too. That’s the other thing. I don’t like the fact that I am really struggling with the emotions that come along with my infertility right now. My boys should be enough, shouldn’t they? I know that’s unrealistic. I’m being too hard on myself. But I want my boys to know that THEY ARE ENOUGH! But yet, my womb aches.
Anywho, these are all things I want to cuddle in bed and talk to my hubby about. I will have to be careful not to overwhelm him. But Friday could not come soon enough.
Blessings,
Hannah
WHERE ARE HIS PANTS???!???
It’s been a day that is feeling like three.
Since my little hazel eyes opened this morning it has been a battle of wills with Jeremiah.
- He’s been sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night to play playstation. I bought a new doorknob for the basement door that locks.
- He broke into the medicine cabinet and stole Gabe’s PSP. Not sure what to do about that one. The stinker jimmied it with a screwdriver. Darn you Walmart and your cheap filing cabinet locks!!!
- He hid his pants. So he went to church in his PJ’s.
- He hit his head against the wall. I held him in a basket hold until he was ready to cry and ask me for a hug.
- He is being loud and obnoxious and laughing hysterically. I am trying my best to ignore his behavior and keep his older brother from strangling him.
I am doing my best to think like some of the great moms I have met through their blogs. Moms like Christine and Lisa. Any help, moms?
Lord, please give me wisdom and patience. Thank you for the wonderful women who prayed over me today. Please be my strength.
Blessings!
Hannah
The Gabe Game
First the good:
- Jeremiah is making some awesome choices. He’s accepting consequences well (for the most part) and is taking responsibility for his actions.
- Kaleb is doing much better. He is still going through the mourning process after the passing of his grandmother, but he is back to work and excited about his new contracting adventure.
- I am enjoying being at home and am getting lots accomplished, after a good sleeping-in of coarse.
- It is six weeks into the school year and I haven’t gotten any calls about my eldest being suspended.
BUT….
Gabe is playing some major games.
At first we just thought he was lying about his m*space because he was afraid we would take it away from him. We knew that he had smoked at least one day last week, but we tried not to make a bigger deal about it than was necessary, but he still lied. He’s lying about little things, like whether he has brushed his teeth or not. Mind you, this is my 16 year old, and normally a 16 year old could be trusted to brush his teeth on his own, but this is not the case, and sometimes, when your son’s breath smells so bad that you can hardly stand to hold a conversation with him, you need to intervene. That’s my opinion anyway.
Anywho, I understand that a lot of this is stemming from serious abandonment fears that were really stoked after G.G.’s death. That explains the issues he’s been having to even trust us with his daily needs, like food, toilet paper etc…but I don’t understand the lying.
The latest development is he’s been lying to us and his teachers about school work. We send our boys to school with school notes, a half-sheet of paper that asks the teachers whether the boys were on time for class, prepared, showed respect etc…it also has space on the back for teachers to write what homework they have, or if any big projects are coming up. If they don’t bring the note home signed, they don’t have privileges. Both boys are very familiar with this note, and Gabe had no issues with it last year. I got a call from his English teacher yesterday and she said that she was concerned because Gabe has a big paper due this week and he doesn’t seem to be making any progress.
I said “Paper? What paper? I didn’t see anything on his school note.”
She said “School note? What school note? I remember them from last year, but haven’t seen 1 this year.”
Interesting. Very interesting.
After school I talked to Gabe about it. I asked him specifically whether he gave his English teacher the note, and of coarse he gave me an emphatic “Yes! Of coarse I gave her the note.” Then I reminded him that since his teacher called me, I probably knew the truth, and it would be a lot better for him to tell me the truth.
“I’ve been forging them.”
“Yes. I knew that. Thank you for telling me the truth. Now WHY have you been forging them?”
“Cuz I kept forgetting, so I thought I’d forge them.”
“Not true. Why’d you forge them?”
“I’m honestly not sure.”
Neither am I, dear one. Neither am I.
What do you do when you can’t trust almost anything that comes out of your teen’s mouth? Lisa’s Lie Detector Test works, but it tends to be a little embarrassing for my post adolescent.
Lord, give us patience and wisdom. Show Kaleb and I how to love Gabe the way he needs us to love. Touch his heart.Amen.
Blessings!
Hannah
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