Learning as we go
I feel like I failed the first day of school test.
Okay, not all of it. I got the boys up on time, even though we didn’t get back from our trip to my mom’s until very late. I made them a hot breakfast and avoided my eldest’s attempts to pick a fight over whether or not he was going to take his medication. I got the boys to school on time, and I think I even avoided embarrassing Gabe on the front steps. I got Jeremiah to the elementary side…and that’s where the trouble started. Miah was fine, but I went into the elementary principal’s office to make sure everything was good and the principal pulls me aside. She looked panicked. In hindsight, it was kind of humorous that one little boy could make a grown woman look like that.
“How can you just expect to throw him into school like this?” She said in a very not-happy voice. Basically she was upset because they had no background on him and therefore had no plan in place.
I told her that I understood her frustration, but that he was only officially placed with us two weeks ago, and therefore we had very little official background information to offer them. I was barely even able to enroll him in school because our caseworker only got us his file with his birth certificate and immunization records in it a week ago. I basically gave them a rough background, as far as I knew, and spoke to his teacher as well. I felt so unprepared.
So, now I’ve searched through his file more thoroughly and found a functional behavioral assessment dated December of 08 and a IEP-like progress report dated April of this year. Hopefully that will help. Hopefully they will understand that these are dated and that he has made incredible progress since then.
Breathe.
No emergency calls, so that’s good.
So, calling all super moms! I am so full of questions. How much do I tell the school? How much do I share with his teacher? I don’t want them to see my boy as a diagnosis. What’s the balance between assertive and cooperative?
I feel like I am swimming in the middle of Lake Superior with this one. (That means I’m surrounded by miles and miles and miles of water, surrounded by waves that can overtake the largest boats for those of you land-locked friends.) Was that a forced analogy? I don’t know. It’s how I’m feeling right now.
Two hours of school left. We can do this.
Oh, and Kaleb is in LA this week, which makes things all the worse. Jeremiah did not like the idea of Dad being away, and Gabe is convinced he’s going to screw up.
God is with me. I can feel it. I need more of His peace.
Blessings!
Hannah
7 Comments
I hear you! I’ve been in that same situation three times. With TTops, we at least had some decent school information like past IEP’s so we forwarded those on. We also let the school know that we were in the process of adopting her and that she was complicated. Over the next few years, they ended up finding out more than I ever wanted to tell them because of her behaviors. And they tried to push the school stuff back on me.
This time, when I enrolled the boys, I was straight and assertive. What happens at school stays at school. I informed them of what I knew that happened in school in the past, even the bad stuff because I would rather have them be prepared than taken by surprised and then blame me for not informing them. They don’t need to know personal history or circumstances regarding abuse/neglect/etc. Just what has presented in behaviors or aptitudes.
I have learned a lot. I used to be all “my kid is going to well in school no matter what” when T first came home. Now, I am all “my kid is going to be HAPPY at home even if it kills me” and that translates into having a very clear division between school and home. Our kids don’t understand the basic relationships that parents have with their children so I figure we need to work on that first before we worry about school. If no one is bleeding at school, I don’t get involved.
Once that kid walks out your door (and even before honestly), you have lost all control.
Also, you can talk about the amazing transformation your child has made so that teachers know what happened before and can put into perspective smaller behaviors that remain so that your kid doesn’t get picked on for the little things. I hope that makes sense.
Hi Hannah,
I have a couple suggestions coming from a teacher. (not a parent)
But from our perspective EVERY SINGLE piece of information that you can give us is SOOO beneficial. Dont worry about them viewing him as a diagnosis. View it as helping them plug in pieces of the puzzle to help provide the best education. If you do not tell them details- they will have to figure it out for themselves.. and in the mean time Miah might be drowning in the classroom.
I taught 4th grade for 3 years, and now am in Special education- and let me tell you– children are so complex, and the more info a teacher has on how best to service a child the better!!!! Input from home is key! You dont necessarily have to tell them “terms, or diagnosis” if you dont want to. However def. fill them in on how will best learn, what atmospehre, learning styles, social interactions/problems. etc!
Just my thoughts- take em or leave em!;)
That was karla Te Slaa Van baren (from SFC) by the way!
Thanks Karla, that was definitley helpful.
Miah came home raving about how nice his teacher was today, so that’s a good sign.
Thanks Tiruba, that was very helpful. The tip about talking about the transformation is definitely one I will utilize. I want them to see Miah’s strengths, and he has MANY.
Hi, Hannah -
Rachel got sent home a list from school yesterday. If Miah did not get something similar, perhaps you should give at least the following info:
1) What are your child’s general feelings about school?
2) What social skills would you like to see your child focus on this year?
3) What educational skills would you like to see your child focus on this year?
4) What do you want me know about your child?
See you at work.
Michelle
You’re doing so great!
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