The one where I continue to wonder:
The job I was hoping for is not to be. I got the letter of doom last night. If you’ve never gotten a letter of doom, it says something to the effect of….You are highly qualified, but there were other people MORE highly qualified, so we don’t want you. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, but it’s how I’m feeling right now.
I AM highly qualified. I am extremely gifted in what I do. I don’t say that to be cocky, it’s just how God has gifted me. But yet, the job that seemed so perfect is not meant to be mine. God knows why.
No really! GOD KNOWS WHY! I sure don’t, but He DOES!
We’ve been here before. Jobs fall through so the exact right one is able to appear, seemingly out of no where. So why is it still hard for me to trust?
I think I’ll call it Israelitis: The condition of continuing to doubt even though you have been miraculously provided for over and over and over and over again. You were saved from 10 plagues? Great! You saw an enormous body of water part before you so you could walk on dry land? Amazing! You woke up every morning and there was food laying on the ground just waiting for you to eat it? Fantastic! And yet, you continually ask God why and how and how come. You actually ACCUSE HIM of being mean and not providing for you. You actually ask Him WHY he brought you out of slavery in the first place.
Okay, God. Thank you. I needed that. I’m breathing now. I am.
I spoke to the CEO this morning. She said I was on her list to call today. I asked her what was up with the whole letter of doom thing. She said that they are “keeping me in mind” for a position when the infant and toddler program opens in November(ish). “That’s the direction we’re heading.” Ambiguous hope. I won’t hold on to it too tightly. I will continue to hold on to God’s truth that HE owns the cattle on a thousand hills and HE is the first and the last and HE knows which way the wind will blow.
Breathing again.
Countdown: 30 days until my position no longer exists. Until I disappear from who I currently am.
Breathing.
Lord, continue to speak to my heart today. I need your help. I need your peace and comfort. I need your assurance in who I am as your daughter. Bless me indeed. Is that okay? Yes, you love me. Good.
Blessings!
Hannah
PS. In other news, Jeremiah has decided he wants to change his name to DJ. We’ll see. 
3 Comments
You called. Good for you! You were on her call list. Excellent. I think it would be OK to be “cautiously optimistic” about another position with them. In the meantime, keep “rattling doors” until you find one that God opens. Yes, He does own the cattle on a thousand hills, but you are not cut out to be a cattle rancher. He also has a claim on every other human enterprise… including just the right business for you to be in.
Love forever, employed or not,
Dad
I’m job hunting too, but it has to be just the right job so I’m trusting in Him when I get rejected for what appeared to be the perfect job. I think I need to be able to be home when my struggling kids need me. My fourteen year old started school yesterday after 2 weeks of psychiatric hospitalization. For the first time in the 3 years I’ve known her, she wet her pants at school. How many jobs can you walk out of at 2pm for 1 1/2 hours (travel time home to get clothes, delivery time and travel time back). I had a job that did not allow me to leave when my daughter was having tachycardia and being picked up in ambulances or my son was getting kicked out of school for fighting and threatening the vice principle (2nd day of school!).
God knows what he’s doing. I believe that even when I have to look back to see where he steered me around an obstacle (and a lot of the time I’ll never know why). Hang in there.
Hugs and prayers,
Mary in Texas
Thanks, Mary. I needed to hear that. Being patient for God is hard, but it has the best outcome that ever could be. Right?
Reply