The one where I continue to wonder:
The job I was hoping for is not to be. I got the letter of doom last night. If you’ve never gotten a letter of doom, it says something to the effect of….You are highly qualified, but there were other people MORE highly qualified, so we don’t want you. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, but it’s how I’m feeling right now.
I AM highly qualified. I am extremely gifted in what I do. I don’t say that to be cocky, it’s just how God has gifted me. But yet, the job that seemed so perfect is not meant to be mine. God knows why.
No really! GOD KNOWS WHY! I sure don’t, but He DOES!
We’ve been here before. Jobs fall through so the exact right one is able to appear, seemingly out of no where. So why is it still hard for me to trust?
I think I’ll call it Israelitis: The condition of continuing to doubt even though you have been miraculously provided for over and over and over and over again. You were saved from 10 plagues? Great! You saw an enormous body of water part before you so you could walk on dry land? Amazing! You woke up every morning and there was food laying on the ground just waiting for you to eat it? Fantastic! And yet, you continually ask God why and how and how come. You actually ACCUSE HIM of being mean and not providing for you. You actually ask Him WHY he brought you out of slavery in the first place.
Okay, God. Thank you. I needed that. I’m breathing now. I am.
I spoke to the CEO this morning. She said I was on her list to call today. I asked her what was up with the whole letter of doom thing. She said that they are “keeping me in mind” for a position when the infant and toddler program opens in November(ish). “That’s the direction we’re heading.” Ambiguous hope. I won’t hold on to it too tightly. I will continue to hold on to God’s truth that HE owns the cattle on a thousand hills and HE is the first and the last and HE knows which way the wind will blow.
Breathing again.
Countdown: 30 days until my position no longer exists. Until I disappear from who I currently am.
Breathing.
Lord, continue to speak to my heart today. I need your help. I need your peace and comfort. I need your assurance in who I am as your daughter. Bless me indeed. Is that okay? Yes, you love me. Good.
Blessings!
Hannah
PS. In other news, Jeremiah has decided he wants to change his name to DJ. We’ll see. 
