Birthday plans and un-plans
I have a different post I will be posting later, but this is fresh on my mind, so I thought I would share it with you.
It’s my birthday today. My 25th. I was unsure what to expect from Gabe as his behaviors have been erratic lately. He was caught stealing meds again a few days ago and has been expressing some very RADish-type behaviors in regard to decorating his bedroom and other family oriented things. Anywho, I didn’t think anything of it when he didn’t wish me happy birthday this morning. I knew by his face that something was up. I should have seen it coming, and I sort of did, but was hoping otherwise.
I got a call this afternoon that Gabe was being asked to leave his volunteering project because he was being uncooperative and wandered off. When they found him, he was smoking. Of coarse. Now, I don’t know anything about smoking other than I hate it and it stinks and cigarette smoke anywhere in my vicinity makes it very hard to breathe. I don’t know how these addictions work, but I think that after a certain point the addiction is purely psychological because all of the nicotine has been weaned out of your system. 3 months should be enough, shouldn’t it?
Anywho, I knew that this would happen eventually. The place where he volunteers employs a lot of people who smoke, so every day he will tell me “Mom, I know I smell like smoke. But it’s because ______ was smoking while I was talking to them.?” Okay. That’s fine. What were YOU doing? Nothing, of coarse.
It’s not the smoking that bothers me necessarily. Although any abuse of one’s body does bother me, especially one that is illegal. It’s the fact that he was not doing what he was supposed to be doing. It’s the fact that he can not even be trusted in a supervised setting. It’s the fact that he insisted on doing it on MY day. I am surprisingly calm. Disappointed, but calm. Kaleb on the other hand is very tired of Gabe’s continual screw ups and is downright seething right now. I think he’s calmed some, but I have no idea what his reaction will be when he actually sees the boy. We are trying to do the whole therapeutic parenting thing, but have no idea how to react. If we are angry, then he is justified in feeling that he is nothing but a screw up and does not deserve to be part of a family. If we ignore him, then he is justified in thinking that we don’t love him or want him to be part of our family. If we go on as if nothing happened, then he has no consequence for his behavior.
What is a good natural consequence for smoking? Kaleb has heard of a program that basically gives kids cigarette after cigarette until they are sick and cured. Probably not a viable option at this point. Any of you super moms and dads have any LEGAL ideas that we as foster parents can utilize?
Anywho, so our birthday plans include soup group tonight. Kaleb and Rachel ordered me a cake. YAY! And Rachel is making me another one for home. YAY!
So now, Gabe will be working in a corner and I will give my very friendly soup group friends strict instructions to not interact with him. He is not to have sympathy or negative attention. He needs to know that he is not allowed to ruin or even disrupt my birthday. I told Kaleb that this includes HIM. If he allows himself to become upset and react to this stupidity, Gabe will have succeeded in disrupting my celebration because I need my hubby to celebrate with. I NEED my hubby! I need him to be able to celebrate ME. I am needy that way. Gabe will not take my lover away from me. Nope. Not going to happen.
OH! And I got the coolest presents from my coworkers! They know that I am really trying to learn to be a good mom and manage my household well, so I got some awesome practical things. I am a practical gift type person. I got a recipe box with lots of my coworkers’ favorite recipes as well as plent of blank cards to continue to add my own. I got a neat pouch for organizing coupons, which I am determined to use with the help of this site. I got some yummy Finnish chocolate (okay, not so practical, but on a day like today, definitely useful). OH! And a cool personalized wallet with a very special drawing embroidered on the front. Our business manager is very crafty and always makes us beautiful things for special occasions. OH! and I can’t forget my absolutley GORGEOUS purple beaded bracelet made by our office assistant. It’s a very crafty office. I will have to post pictures later. They made me feel very special and loved. Plus, it gave us all an excuse to eat cake. 
Anywho, any advice or love would be very cherished.
Blessings!
Hannah
Lord, I’m asking for your wisdom today. Show us how to love this boy that you’ve intrusted to us. Show us how to love him the way that you love him. Show us how to discipline him in YOUR discipline. Show us how to love eachother through this. Protect our marriage from this stress and do not let the evil one use this to come between us. Strengthen us, Lord.
Amen.
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