Help! I’m a SAHM trapped in a working mom’s body! Updated
I need suggestions…solutions…IDEAS!!!
I like my job. I get to help families and work with some awesome ladies.
I hate my job. I am away from my family. I feel like I am never home. I fundamentally disagree with much of what I do becauseI help parents find child care for their brand new babies before they are even born when all I want to do is be home with my kids. I want to home school Jeremiah, but that is obviously not an option right now. I can’t even get Gabe to his appointments without A LOT of begging and pleading.
My wonderful hubby is just not ready to be a one income family.
What can I do?
I live in a very limited area, so simply finding a more flexible job is probably not an option. Also, because of our small population, the usual work-from-home businesses are not profitable here. I am going to try to talk to my boss about options for the school year, but I do n’t see that as very promising. If I can at least figure out how I can be home by the time the boys get off the bus, that would be AWESOME!
I have my BS in Early Childhood Development, if that helps at all. No, I will not open a day care because of my boys’ issues and my critters. Yes, I would love to help families dealing with behavior/discipline issues, but am unsure as to how to turn that into income.
Please, awesome, creative, innovative moms out there, help me! Help me come up with ideas of how we can make this work. Help me know how to hear the voice of God above all the naysayers.
Blessings!
Hannah
***Update***
I suppose I should give a little more back ground on the situation. I’m used to thinking/talking this through that I forget that if I don’t type the details, there’s no way you would know. Some of this is in response to the wonderful comment by Raising Olives.
We have been very blessed. My husband has a good, not great, but good paying job that for the first time in our young married life we are financially stable. Mostly. 
Here are a few barriers to my desire to be a full time SAHM.
1. We have two houses. We DO NOT WANT two houses. We have had our other house for sale for 2 years with no success. We had renters, but now renters are gone. If we can get the house sold, that would be a HUGE barrier gone.
2. My husband is stressed. He is very good at his job, but unfortunately that means that his company continues to pile on the work load. Kaleb has a very hard time saying “No! Enough!” because he feels it would be a threat to his job. There is a lot of fear there, which is why he doesn’t feel comfortable losing my income.
3. Student loans. I have them. Now, compared to the national average, I am doing really well, but the hubby feels that if I am not working in my field I am wasting the 40k that we spent/are spending on my education. I disagree and feel that my education is best used helping our family and any kids/families that could benefit from my knowledge as well, for pay or not.
4. A lack of things to cut. It has been suggested that we cut the extra stuff. A second car is vital in our situation since we live in the middle of nowhere and my husband and I travel opposite directions to go to work. If I were at home, I would still probably need my car in order to get the kiddos to appointments etc… It’s just part of living here. Thankfully, God has blessed us with good, inexpensive vehicles that are not a huge burden. We could definitely cut the cable, and I have suggested it MULTIPLE TIMES but the rest of the family is not in agreement with this. Again, I suppose it’s because we live to far away from civilization that when it’s rainy or snowing (9 months out of the year) there is sense of relief to know you can just turn on the tube. We very rarely eat out, again because of proximity, but this is a luxury that the hubby likes to treat us to now and then. Part of it is that he likes to give. He likes that he can take us out to eat, buy us cool gadgets etc… I think it’s hard for him to feel restricted in that area. Like he’s not even getting to enjoy the fruits of his hard work. I don’t know anything else we could cut. I only get clothes when the ones I am wearing wear out (literally), and I am a huge fan of rummage sales and restores.
5. Matters of the heart. I am totally willing to submit, and am doing so every day I go to work. He’s not forcing me at all, and is not cruel, but his implications are clear. I know that if I were given the clear, unconditional, real choice, I would chose to be home. I feel hurt by the implications that I would be wasting my education at home. I feel trapped and afraid that I may never get to fulfill my dream of being at home with a baby at my breast (yeah, that comes in here too). He feels hurt by the implication that it is assumed he will just do it all. He feels trapped and afraid in a job that he feels may fall out from under his feet at any moment. So you see, this is a loaded issue.
In matters of faith, I have prayed and cried out about this and other related issues. The problem is I have a hard time discerning God’s heart over the pounding I hear of my own.
2 Comments
I have been trying to figure this out for myself for a long time. No luck. I hope you fare better.
Hannah,
I have a couple of thoughts. First of all, pray, pray, pray. God will provide and will lead you down the road that He has for you.
Another thing is that your husband is the leader and has the ultimate decision. Whatever that is, trust that it is God’s best for you and cheerfully submit. I know you know this.
One thing that I have learned is that sometimes it not really the income. Your husband feels the need to provide (as he should), but often we as wives can add to that pressure by spending money or expecting things. I’m not saying that you are.
However, while you may or may not be able to bring in a substantial income from home, you are able to save him a substantial amount of money. You may even be able to save him more than you earn. Now perhaps he is not willing to make the sacrifices and if that is the case, then he wins. But perhaps, if he knows how important this is to you, if he knows that you would sacrifice the clothes, cell phone, second car, cable, etc. to be able to stay home with your babies, my guess is that there is a good chance that he will come around.
Most husbands want to make their wives and children happy and one of the ways that most men have been taught that they can make their family happy is by buying them things. (That is the main message of our society today, things, things, things.)
So my suggestion to you would be to pray, talk with your husband about how important this is to you and what you are willing to sacrifice to get it and then regardless of how that conversation goes (my guess would be that he will not be convinced) show him by your actions that you are willing to cut back. When you’ve had a long day at work and with the kids and he suggests going out, ask if instead you can eat in and set that money aside in your SAHM fund. Don’t buy new clothes, rather shop at yard sales or thrift stores and set aside the money that you save for being a SAHM. You get the idea. See how much you can save.
It can be done. My husband made a very small income and we had 6 children, two cars (with no debt on either) and owned our own home. During this time period our neighbors made the statement that they guessed Mark must have an amazing job because our children were always dressed so nicely! We had everything that we needed and much more that we just wanted.
I pray that you will soon be able to stay home with your children!
Blessings,
Kimberly
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