Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 28, 2009 in
Life in the Stubborn house
I have a different post I will be posting later, but this is fresh on my mind, so I thought I would share it with you.
It’s my birthday today. My 25th. I was unsure what to expect from Gabe as his behaviors have been erratic lately. He was caught stealing meds again a few days ago and has been expressing some very RADish-type behaviors in regard to decorating his bedroom and other family oriented things. Anywho, I didn’t think anything of it when he didn’t wish me happy birthday this morning. I knew by his face that something was up. I should have seen it coming, and I sort of did, but was hoping otherwise.
I got a call this afternoon that Gabe was being asked to leave his volunteering project because he was being uncooperative and wandered off. When they found him, he was smoking. Of coarse. Now, I don’t know anything about smoking other than I hate it and it stinks and cigarette smoke anywhere in my vicinity makes it very hard to breathe. I don’t know how these addictions work, but I think that after a certain point the addiction is purely psychological because all of the nicotine has been weaned out of your system. 3 months should be enough, shouldn’t it?
Anywho, I knew that this would happen eventually. The place where he volunteers employs a lot of people who smoke, so every day he will tell me “Mom, I know I smell like smoke. But it’s because ______ was smoking while I was talking to them.?” Okay. That’s fine. What were YOU doing? Nothing, of coarse.
It’s not the smoking that bothers me necessarily. Although any abuse of one’s body does bother me, especially one that is illegal. It’s the fact that he was not doing what he was supposed to be doing. It’s the fact that he can not even be trusted in a supervised setting. It’s the fact that he insisted on doing it on MY day. I am surprisingly calm. Disappointed, but calm. Kaleb on the other hand is very tired of Gabe’s continual screw ups and is downright seething right now. I think he’s calmed some, but I have no idea what his reaction will be when he actually sees the boy. We are trying to do the whole therapeutic parenting thing, but have no idea how to react. If we are angry, then he is justified in feeling that he is nothing but a screw up and does not deserve to be part of a family. If we ignore him, then he is justified in thinking that we don’t love him or want him to be part of our family. If we go on as if nothing happened, then he has no consequence for his behavior.
What is a good natural consequence for smoking? Kaleb has heard of a program that basically gives kids cigarette after cigarette until they are sick and cured. Probably not a viable option at this point. Any of you super moms and dads have any LEGAL ideas that we as foster parents can utilize?
Anywho, so our birthday plans include soup group tonight. Kaleb and Rachel ordered me a cake. YAY! And Rachel is making me another one for home. YAY!
So now, Gabe will be working in a corner and I will give my very friendly soup group friends strict instructions to not interact with him. He is not to have sympathy or negative attention. He needs to know that he is not allowed to ruin or even disrupt my birthday. I told Kaleb that this includes HIM. If he allows himself to become upset and react to this stupidity, Gabe will have succeeded in disrupting my celebration because I need my hubby to celebrate with. I NEED my hubby! I need him to be able to celebrate ME. I am needy that way. Gabe will not take my lover away from me. Nope. Not going to happen.
OH! And I got the coolest presents from my coworkers! They know that I am really trying to learn to be a good mom and manage my household well, so I got some awesome practical things. I am a practical gift type person. I got a recipe box with lots of my coworkers’ favorite recipes as well as plent of blank cards to continue to add my own. I got a neat pouch for organizing coupons, which I am determined to use with the help of this site. I got some yummy Finnish chocolate (okay, not so practical, but on a day like today, definitely useful). OH! And a cool personalized wallet with a very special drawing embroidered on the front. Our business manager is very crafty and always makes us beautiful things for special occasions. OH! and I can’t forget my absolutley GORGEOUS purple beaded bracelet made by our office assistant. It’s a very crafty office. I will have to post pictures later. They made me feel very special and loved. Plus, it gave us all an excuse to eat cake. 
Anywho, any advice or love would be very cherished.
Blessings!
Hannah
Lord, I’m asking for your wisdom today. Show us how to love this boy that you’ve intrusted to us. Show us how to love him the way that you love him. Show us how to discipline him in YOUR discipline. Show us how to love eachother through this. Protect our marriage from this stress and do not let the evil one use this to come between us. Strengthen us, Lord.
Amen.
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, faith, foster care, marriage, parenting, prayer, RAD
Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 27, 2009 in
Life in the Stubborn house
It was a good weekend. Not a great one, but a good one. Jeremiah had privileges this weekend, which helped enormously. It was nice not to have to tell him no all the time, but he still had a hard time understanding that even when he has privileges, the answer will not always be yes.
We bought paint yesterday. Lots and lots of paint. Over the next two weeks we will be painting every room in the house. I really love our new color scheme. When we moved into our house two years ago, everything was white except the few places there were wall paper. In two weeks, the walls of the various rooms will be red, yellow, one of three shades of blue, green , black and white checkerboard, and cream. Wow!!! I love painting, so I am excited, but I am hoping the hubby person has not bit off more than he can chew. He wants to have everything done before the relatives come to our home to celebrate Grandma’s 90th birthday. It’s a good goal, but we shall see.
Oh, and we took the advice of the super moms and moved Gabe to the guest room. Jeremiah was excited about having his own room, and even more excited to get to pick out his paint colors. Gabe is being very non-chalant about the whole thing, but I will blog more about that later.
This morning I am incredibly absent minded. I forgot nearly everything at home, except Jeremiah. Thankfully I have a box of garlic mashed potatoes on my office shelf, bcause not only did I forget my lunch, but I forgot my debit card that I would need in order to purchase a replacement lunch. Oy! Horomones? Can I blame it on horomones?
This was a very random post, but that’s pretty much me today.
Blessings,
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, foster care, marriage, parenting
Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 22, 2009 in
Life in the Stubborn house
Jeremiah had court yesterday. The group home parents advocated for us (and for him) that he come home as soon as possible. I am guessing Jeremiah got to speak too, because the group home father said that he rocked in court. The judge LISTENED!!! Jeremiah will be coming home as soon as we can transition him. YAY!!!! So, between 2 and 4 weeks, depending on his behaviors, paper work, etc… we will have our little guy HOME! FOR GOOD!!! (Insert happy dance here)
So, there are preparations to be done!
We are trying to figure out whether to keep the boys in one room or sacrifice our guest room to separate them. Behaviors have been fine, but we are a little concerned that the boys are getting too comfortable with each other which could lead to later acting out.
We need to figure out how we are going to handle all the daily crap, and what’s going to happen with Jeremiah during the day. Kaleb is confident that we will figure it all out, the important thing is that he is come home!
Thank you all for all your prayers, past and continuing, that have and will get us through this transition. I am totally open to any advice that all you super moms have up you sleeves.
Blessings,
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, foster care, parenting
Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 21, 2009 in
Life in the Stubborn house
…to go home. Forever.
Jeremiah had a tough weekend.
-Lots of OVER happiness.
- Lots of distraction.
- Lots of fake tears.
- Some real tears.
- A lot of confusion.
- A lot of gas (yes, the intestinal kind).
- Lots and lots of hugs and reassurance that he is safe and that this is his home.
- Lots of hope that this will all be over soon.
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, foster care, parenting
Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 17, 2009 in
Uncategorized
We were kids, my Love.
Kids who got married and survived. Thrived.
First love. Only love. Patient, waiting love.
First kiss. Again and again and again.
First “I do.” Only and forever. For real. Determined. Unwavering.
First pleasure and union. Only and forever. Becoming one.
First tears, and shouts, and why’s and hows. First times of doubting, and wondering, and sobbing.
First move, first place, first adventure on our own. WE can make it!
First darkness, first sorrow, first continual leanings and praying and leaning.
First big decision. Life changing. Heart testing. Yes, WE will follow. Together.
First waiting. First wondering. First struggle to know what comes next.
First house. First kitchen. First home of our very own.
First dog. First cat.
First real jobs.
First hope of a family. First miscarriage failed adoption.
First baby 16 year old. First time Mom and Dad.
First family. First birthdays. First memories.
First lectures. First punishments.
First goodnight hugs and bedtime devotions.
First sex while the kids are playing in their room upstairs.
First family vacation. First “Where are the boys?”
First anniversary where we have to get a babysitter.
First blog post dedicated to us, my Beloved.
My Beloved and myself at a friend's wedding a few weeks ago.
Leave a comment | | Tags: marriage
Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 15, 2009 in
Life in the Stubborn house
My dad has the affinity for getting himself in the local news. I wish, though, that this story would not have had to be written. I am glad that my daddy was there to be a help and pray with the families. How do these things seem to find themselves into our backyard, literally?
Lord, thank you that they found the bodies so that they families can stop searching and start mourning. Thank you that two men made it safely to shore. Please be with the families and the survivors as they cope. Draw them close to you and help your children to seek them out to love on them.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: faith, In the News
Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 15, 2009 in
Life in the Stubborn house
Hey, Friend people!
Head over to my friend Tiruba’s blog and check out her awesome contest that will bless so many children who are waiting to be adopted.
Blessings!
Hannah
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Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 15, 2009 in
faith,
Life in the Stubborn house
Tuesdays are Soup Group nights. It’s been that way for nearly 5 years now. It started as a small group Bible study for young couples, and has morphed into a family that loves, supports, and is committed to doing so.
Last night was a beautiful time. Our Soup Group parents are a couple in their 70′s who are the oldest teenagers in our church. Every week they love on us with food, Godly wisdom, and lots of hugs and laughs. For most of this summer, they have been MIA. They have family downstate, as well as in WI, so they try to go and see their grand kids as much as possible. One of their daughters had surgery recently, so they spent a good amount of time down there while she recovered. This week, they are in Seattle. The travel is really wearing on them. Last night, all of the “kids” got together anyway and spent some time interceding for two of the most important people in all of our lives. We prayed for refreshment, for healing, and for ideas of how to bless them.
That was beautiful, but it didn’t end. We had decided we were going to discuss Romans 1 and I absolutely loved hearing how God was speaking to each of us through this powerful passage. We spent a good chunk of time talking about the interesting, delicate balance of compassion and accountability.
My sister Rachel’s jaw was hurting her. We both suffer from TMJ, and hers has gotten a lot worse lately. So in the middle of Romans discussion we stopped and laid hands on her and claimed healing for her jaw. One of our friends felt in her spirit that Rachel should praise God with her mouth, and she did. She prayed for me in the process, which was an added bonus. I love how we are growing in our ability to break out of the norm and follow the spirit.
We ended the night in more prayer. Do you see a pattern here? There were a lot of employment issues and financial issues to lift up, as well as a highly anticipated baby that is due ANY DAY NOW!!!! Gabe even asked for prayer for himself, that he would make good choices as he is given more freedom. YAY! I left feeling totally filled and totally blessed.
Gabe and I had a good talk on the way home. Nothing too deep, but it was a real conversation, which is wonderful in itself.
I hope that you have people in your life who love you, pray for you, and hold you accountable. People who you can inappropriately joke with and get totally out of control with because you trust them so much. If you don’t, check with your local church for a small group that meets on a regular basis. Who knows? They may become the family you never knew you needed.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: faith, prayer
Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 10, 2009 in
faith,
Life in the Stubborn house
I got to talk to Jeremiah’s adoption worker today. She called me out of the blue at work. It was a joyful conversation. She was “overjoyed” that Jeremiah had found “such a capable family.” I was overjoyed for the surprise progress in the process. Progress I didn’t even know was coming.
The plan is end of summer. He will be here full time by end of summer. WHAT? SOOOO excited. SOOOO not ready.
We talked about it on the ride home today. What a great conversation.
“I got a call from your adoption worker today.”
“What does that mean?”
“That means your adoption paper work is coming through.”
“What’s does that mean?”
“That means that soon a judge is going to say that you are a permanent part of this family. Forever!”
“And you are going to be my REAL Mom and Dad?”
“Yup. Forever and ever.”
“Even if I do something really bad, you will still be my Mom and Dad?” (That made me smile, cuz I knew the answer.)
“We will be your Mom and Dad forever and ever, no matter what you do.”
(Insert a smile so big I thought his face would tear.)
That would have been enough, but the beauty continued. When saying goodnight, Kaleb took Jeremiah into his lap and Jeremiah recounted the conversation to his dad.
“If it happens, that means you are going to be my Dad forever and ever!”
“It WILL happen, buddy. Forever and ever. I love you.” Kaleb gave Jerome a big kiss on the cheek, another big hug, and sent him off to do his bedtime routine with me.
My heart was melting. I wanted to shout at Kaleb, “See! SEE! You DO love him! SEE!!!!”
Again, that would have been enough to keep me reeling with joy, but there was more blessing to come.
Jeremiah loves to read his Bible. Every night we read a devotion from Keys for Kids, which is the same devotional that we used when I was a child. He read really well. I was so proud of him. After devotions we say prayers. I ask him what he would like to pray for and the list usually includes the group home and his very special dog friend, Kasey. I then ask him if he has anything he would like to thank God for, and tonight he said “That you and Dad are going to be my Mom and Dad forever.” I smiled. I asked him to pray the thank yous, and I would pray for the rest. I was expecting a very simple “Thank you, God that Mom and Dad are going to adopt me.” Or something like that. What I got blew me out of the water.
(In the most sincere, cheerfully thankful voice I have ever heard from anyone.) “Thank you so much, God for such a beautiful day and that we had so much fun together. Thank you for the beautiful fireworks that we got to go to (on the 4th) and for the fun we got to have with Grandma and Grandpa. Please keep Grandma and Grandpa safe. Thank you that you love us so much and that you let my caseworker say that it’s okay for Mom and Dad to adopt me. Thank you for my family. Thank you for being such a good God. Amen.”
Holy WOW!!! Was the Holy Spirit speaking to that boy’s heart or what???
I prayed my part, kissed him goodnight, turned off the lights, and practically floated down stairs.
I am thanking God tonight for a little boy’s faith and his huge heart. I am thanking God for the miracle he has done in my husband’s heart and that He will continue to do.
No wonder I want more.
God is so good. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Father.
Blessings!
Hannah
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, Being set apart, foster care, marriage, parenting, prayer
Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 9, 2009 in
Life in the Stubborn house
My Papa, Kaleb, Gabe, Jeremiah, Myself, and my Step-Mama
I love the smirk on Jeremiah's face
Jeremiah meets the Tiels
Jeremiah and the Coyote
Gabe helps Grandpa out with his awesome mowin' skills
Nothing better than fishing with Grandpa
Gabe showing off his amazing blending skills
Boy meets tree
More to come…
Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, foster care, marriage, parenting
