And then there was Gabriel

Thank you all for all of your support during this difficult time. I have truly felt the love.

Over Thanks Giving and Christmas, Kaleb and I were blessed to have the company of a fantastic 15 (almost 16) year old boy that we will call Gabe. I first met Gabe at summer school this past summer. He came to one of the group homes about half way through the summer, and we had an instant connection. One of the first outings he attended with us was up to the top of a local “mountain”. I was a very foggy day and you could not see a thing off the top of the mountain, so a lot of kids were just climbing on rocks and resting after the long hike. Gabe came and sat by me and started asking me questions about God and how we could know that God is real and that He cares for us. We had an amazing talk that lasted the entire time we were up on that mountain. I  didn’t know then what God was doing in my heart and in Gabe’s.

We agreed to take Gabe for Thanks Giving weekend because we had had him over for some day visits during the summer, and Kaleb and Gabe really connected. During Thanks Giving we got to see how he interacted with our families and my little sister, who is only a few months older than Gabe. We wanted to see if he could be appropriate with an attractive young girl around. He passed with flying colors. He had some issues with one-upping and childish bad sportsmanship, but other than that, we had a fantastic weekend together.

At Christmas, we had the last minute opportunity to take Gabe with us to my Mom’s in another state. His caseworker miraculously gave us the thumbs us. Again, we had the opportunity to see how he would be around family. My family took to him immediately, and my brother in law especially took every opportunity to encourage him and build him up. It was amazing. I really started to see some very fatherly characteristics coming out in Kaleb as well, which really touched my heart. I started talking to God more about this boy, and what part he was supposed to be in our family.

You see, with the whole Grace drama, caseworkers didn’t want anyone to be placed with her because her behaviors are so unstable at times. This made us very sad, because we were really, truly beginning to love Gabe, but we had made a commitment to Gracie first. Eventually, Gabe’s caseworker was forced to start looking for another family for him. We let our caseworker know how heartbroken we were that we had to see this precious boy be placed somewhere else. He started making visits to a family in another town about an hour away, and it looked like the caseworker was pushing for long-term placement very quickly. This made us very sad. We knew in our hearts that if there was ever the opportunity, we would take him into our family in a moment.

Well, after last week’s events of Grace deciding she didn’t want to continue moving forward with the adoption, and us stepping out as gracefully as possible, we felt like we had just missed our chance with Gabe. We let our caseworker and the group home know that if there was any possibility, we would love for him to be placed with us.

Well, I got a call today from our caseworker asking if we would like to start taking Gabe on weekends. I said “Absolutely!” No reason to talk it over with Kaleb, I knew where he stood. We want this boy. He won’t be able to come this weekend because he apparently tantrummed or something and is majorly in the hole, but a Gabe tantrum just means he wouldn’t shut up during an argument. The kid has a big mouth, but Kaleb and I have bigger ones. No, we are just good at tellin’ him to cut it out, and he usually does. Anywho, Kaleb and I are thrilled with this second chance to bring this amazing young man into our lives.

Please pray that God will give all those involved wisdom as to what He has instore for us and this special kid. Pray that all necessary preparations and transitions will be made easily and smoothly. Pray God’s blessing on this son of His.

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Being Content

There are a lot of things I want to be, but am not currently being. I want to be a mom…duh…if you haven’t figured that out yet then you are denser than the pizza dough I made once with no yeast. What you may not know is all that is involved in that dream.

· I   I want to carry a baby in my womb, feel it move, feel it jump.

· I   I want to have a natural birthing experience at home…possibly a water birth.

· I   I want to breastfeed my baby for as long as possible, or at least until we are mutually ready to wean. Even if I can never carry a baby myself, I still want to breastfeed…which thankfully is very possible.

· I   I want to try using cloth diapers and carry my baby in a nifty sling close to my body.

· I   I want to be a domestic diva, learning how to cook gourmet, healthy meals for our growing family.

· I   I want to teach my children at home.

I want to have chore charts and home work time and video of the kiddos building forts in our back yard.

Those aren’t evil or even unrealistic goals, but God is dealing with my heart, even as I type. I am focusing so much on what I am hoping and wanting for a future that may not ever happen that I am becoming incredibly discontent in what, and where, and who I am right now.

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I am definitely not being very thankful right now, God. Forgive me for not only disregarding your blessings, but for not wholeheartedly thanking you for them.

⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

God, I need your peace. I hear you saying that if I give you thanks, and give my worries and wants to you in a thankful, joyful way NOW that you will give me the peace that will gaurd my heart from all of this deep saddness and discontent that has come over me. Help me to do that, Lord.

Thank you, God for

- a house that has more than enough space for the children you desire for us to have in our family.

Okay, see what I did there. That discontent is just bleeding through. Change my heart, O God. What do you want me to do with these desires? How do you want me to thank you? Everything seems to lead back to children. Can I thank you that way and still have the peace I need? Can I thank you that way and not let it breed discontent in my spirit? Let’s try…

• Thank you, Father that you have created me with a nurturing spirit.
• Thank you that you have given me the natural talent for dealing with stressful situations in a creative and postive way. Thank you that you have given me lots of chances to practice this gift.
• Thank you that I have friends who are willing to let me play with and love on their children.
• Thank you that you are preparing me daily to be the woman you have called me to be, regardless of how that calling manifests.
• Thank you for a husband who is a friend and lover. Thank you that you are preparing his heart for what you have called him to be and us to be as marriage partners in you. Thank you that you are preparing his steps and his heart and that every day you are bringing him closer to the purposes you have for him.
• Thank you for parents that support me and can listen to my heart.
• Thank you for a job where I can help families that really need your love. Thank you that you are are showing me how to show your love to them. Thank you that through this job you are teaching me the ins and outs of a system that can be very complicated and scary to a lot of people.
• Thank you for giving me a head and a heart that loves to learn and research everything to do with child development. Thank you that you have and are going to continue to give me opportunities to apply this knowledge. Thank you that every word that has entered my mind by your will will not return void, but that you will use it for your perfect purposes.
• Thank you for a beautiful house that is teaching me how to care for a household and training me for whatever purposes you have in mind.
• Thank you for your Holy Word that speaks to me over and over that you love me and have called me according to your purposes through Christ Jesus.
• Thank you, Father. Thank you, Father.

9And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

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