Enduring my enduring psychosis

My brain has been having a very difficult time focusing on positive things…which as many of you know is not a normal occurrence. I am one of those people that is sickeningly happy most of the time. So much so, that people ask me quite often if I ever frown. So often that my husband has a hard time comprehending that just because there is not a shimmering smile across my face does not mean that I am horribly upset…or angry at him…which is his usual, and most of the time horribly incorrect, assumption.

So these past few days have been very difficult as my mind and heart have been having a hard time not dwelling on the negative. I’ve even been downright irrational. A grouch even. On Saturday I woke up with a huge headache/heartache. I was apparently snapping at everything my sister and husband were saying and I could feel myself spinning out of control. So before I broke down sobbing or yelled maliciously at my sister for missing some crumbs when she wiped the table, I became a total hypocrite and confined myself to my bed just after lecturing my sleeping husband about how I wanted to actually see him awake.

I slept. I slept hard. I dreamt of a lot of stuff, most of which I don’t remember. Most of the time though, my dreams help me sort out my emotions in reality.

When I woke up I felt better, and even had a terrific, somewhat rational evening with my wonderful husband. I nearly lost it once in the car on the way home, but my dear Kaleb literally said “Knock it off!!!” So I did.

Lots that my brain and heart need to sort out. Most of it Kaleb can not handle because he is too close to it.  Talking to my Heavenly Father in the sauna helps…but I need some human connection.

I am going to call our local women’s resource center and see if they have any ideas for a Christian woman’s counselor.

Be praying for my heart and my enduring psychosis.

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