This post is part of “Hi/Lo Thursday” on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to read everyone else’s “Hi/Lo” posts and get your link on their site.
Our Low(s)
Within hours the furnace at our rental house stopped working, our roof developed a bad leak over our cedar closet, and the furnace under our living room and dining room stopped working.
Our High(s)
Rachel is loving her new job and is fitting in well.
I am feeling better emotionally and our Heavenly Father is getting through to my heart.
God gave us favor with our furnace repair people who are working with us so we can get the necessary repairs done.
Murphy really needs to take a break so my poor husband can get some of his sanity back. In the mean time, we are TRYING to rest in our Heavenly Father.
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
I am so glad that I have nothing to be embarrassed about this week. For example, I did not go bra-less the whole weekend because I am down to one bra and need to give it time to rest. I am also not avoiding my daily exercise because of the lack of “athletic support” and I don’t find it a completely valid reason.
I am most definitely not sore after trudging through 14+ inches of snow multiple times yesterday. Nope. My legs are much more in shape than that. Of coarse, I didn’t capture said snow on video to save face when people ask why I wasn’t in church yesterday. Nope, I am not that self-conscious. I will not be posting that video later, because I want to show my southern friends how wimpy they are. That would just be cruel.
I did not fall into a crying ball of jealously when my husband left me alone in the sauna and I found him playing video games with my sister. That would just be silly. I am so glad I didn’t do that.
I am not having increasingly intense, weird dreams about babies and adoption almost every night, and I did not get accused by my husband of only craving sex with him so much because I really want a baby, and he is not partially right.
I did not try to read a really good, hard-core get closer to Jesus book yesterday, only to find out that my brain and heart could not process the information, and that I can’t remember almost anything the book said.
I did not bounce out of bed on time this morning solely because I was hoping that I would find that I couldn’t get my car out of the garage and would have to call in to work. I was not more than slightly disappointed when the car easily rolled through the 5 new inches of snow since our plow guy plowed last night. I did not leave so early that I ended up getting to work almost 20 minutes early and snoozing in the parking lot, getting strange looks from our secretary.
I am so glad that I don’t do those embarrassing things.
Thank you all for all of your support during this difficult time. I have truly felt the love.
Over Thanks Giving and Christmas, Kaleb and I were blessed to have the company of a fantastic 15 (almost 16) year old boy that we will call Gabe. I first met Gabe at summer school this past summer. He came to one of the group homes about half way through the summer, and we had an instant connection. One of the first outings he attended with us was up to the top of a local “mountain”. I was a very foggy day and you could not see a thing off the top of the mountain, so a lot of kids were just climbing on rocks and resting after the long hike. Gabe came and sat by me and started asking me questions about God and how we could know that God is real and that He cares for us. We had an amazing talk that lasted the entire time we were up on that mountain. I didn’t know then what God was doing in my heart and in Gabe’s.
We agreed to take Gabe for Thanks Giving weekend because we had had him over for some day visits during the summer, and Kaleb and Gabe really connected. During Thanks Giving we got to see how he interacted with our families and my little sister, who is only a few months older than Gabe. We wanted to see if he could be appropriate with an attractive young girl around. He passed with flying colors. He had some issues with one-upping and childish bad sportsmanship, but other than that, we had a fantastic weekend together.
At Christmas, we had the last minute opportunity to take Gabe with us to my Mom’s in another state. His caseworker miraculously gave us the thumbs us. Again, we had the opportunity to see how he would be around family. My family took to him immediately, and my brother in law especially took every opportunity to encourage him and build him up. It was amazing. I really started to see some very fatherly characteristics coming out in Kaleb as well, which really touched my heart. I started talking to God more about this boy, and what part he was supposed to be in our family.
You see, with the whole Grace drama, caseworkers didn’t want anyone to be placed with her because her behaviors are so unstable at times. This made us very sad, because we were really, truly beginning to love Gabe, but we had made a commitment to Gracie first. Eventually, Gabe’s caseworker was forced to start looking for another family for him. We let our caseworker know how heartbroken we were that we had to see this precious boy be placed somewhere else. He started making visits to a family in another town about an hour away, and it looked like the caseworker was pushing for long-term placement very quickly. This made us very sad. We knew in our hearts that if there was ever the opportunity, we would take him into our family in a moment.
Well, after last week’s events of Grace deciding she didn’t want to continue moving forward with the adoption, and us stepping out as gracefully as possible, we felt like we had just missed our chance with Gabe. We let our caseworker and the group home know that if there was any possibility, we would love for him to be placed with us.
Well, I got a call today from our caseworker asking if we would like to start taking Gabe on weekends. I said “Absolutely!” No reason to talk it over with Kaleb, I knew where he stood. We want this boy. He won’t be able to come this weekend because he apparently tantrummed or something and is majorly in the hole, but a Gabe tantrum just means he wouldn’t shut up during an argument. The kid has a big mouth, but Kaleb and I have bigger ones. No, we are just good at tellin’ him to cut it out, and he usually does. Anywho, Kaleb and I are thrilled with this second chance to bring this amazing young man into our lives.
Please pray that God will give all those involved wisdom as to what He has instore for us and this special kid. Pray that all necessary preparations and transitions will be made easily and smoothly. Pray God’s blessing on this son of His.
In his letter to the Philippians, The apostle Paul talks about rejoicing in the Lord, not being anxious about anything, and learning to be content in every situation (Chapter 4, for reference). God has been speaking to my heart about this, and I am trying to listen and take on this lesson.
There are a lot of things I want to be, but am not currently being. I want to be a mom…duh…if you haven’t figured that out yet then you are denser than the pizza dough I made once with no yeast. What you may not know is all that is involved in that dream.
·I I want to carry a baby in my womb, feel it move, feel it jump.
·I I want to have a natural birthing experience at home…possibly a water birth.
·I I want to breastfeed my baby for as long as possible, or at least until we are mutually ready to wean. Even if I can never carry a baby myself, I still want to breastfeed…which thankfully is very possible.
·I I want to try using cloth diapers and carry my baby in a nifty sling close to my body.
·I I want to be a domestic diva, learning how to cook gourmet, healthy meals for our growing family.
·I I want to teach my children at home.
I want to have chore charts and home work time and video of the kiddos building forts in our back yard.
Those aren’t evil or even unrealistic goals, but God is dealing with my heart, even as I type. I am focusing so much on what I am hoping and wanting for a future that may not ever happen that I am becoming incredibly discontent in what, and where, and who I am right now.
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
I am definitely not being very thankful right now, God. Forgive me for not only disregarding your blessings, but for not wholeheartedly thanking you for them.
7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
God, I need your peace. I hear you saying that if I give you thanks, and give my worries and wants to you in a thankful, joyful way NOW that you will give me the peace that will gaurd my heart from all of this deep saddness and discontent that has come over me. Help me to do that, Lord.
Thank you, God for
- a house that has more than enough space for the children you desire for us to have in our family.
Okay, see what I did there. That discontent is just bleeding through. Change my heart, O God. What do you want me to do with these desires? How do you want me to thank you? Everything seems to lead back to children. Can I thank you that way and still have the peace I need? Can I thank you that way and not let it breed discontent in my spirit? Let’s try…
Thank you, Father that you have created me with a nurturing spirit.
Thank you that you have given me the natural talent for dealing with stressful situations in a creative and postive way. Thank you that you have given me lots of chances to practice this gift.
Thank you that I have friends who are willing to let me play with and love on their children.
Thank you that you are preparing me daily to be the woman you have called me to be, regardless of how that calling manifests.
Thank you for a husband who is a friend and lover. Thank you that you are preparing his heart for what you have called him to be and us to be as marriage partners in you. Thank you that you are preparing his steps and his heart and that every day you are bringing him closer to the purposes you have for him.
Thank you for parents that support me and can listen to my heart.
Thank you for a job where I can help families that really need your love. Thank you that you are are showing me how to show your love to them. Thank you that through this job you are teaching me the ins and outs of a system that can be very complicated and scary to a lot of people.
Thank you for giving me a head and a heart that loves to learn and research everything to do with child development. Thank you that you have and are going to continue to give me opportunities to apply this knowledge. Thank you that every word that has entered my mind by your will will not return void, but that you will use it for your perfect purposes.
Thank you for a beautiful house that is teaching me how to care for a household and training me for whatever purposes you have in mind.
Thank you for your Holy Word that speaks to me over and over that you love me and have called me according to your purposes through Christ Jesus.
Thank you, Father. Thank you, Father.
9And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
My beloved husband told me that he had ordered a surprise for me. I had a hunch what it was, especially since my husband’s love gifts tend to be on the technological side. So I came home today and he presented me with a beautiful new digital camera that he got at an amazing bargain price. He is so good at that. Anywho, I thought I would mark the occasion by sharing some pics of the furrier household members.
Zoe and Pe taking a nap by the fireplace.
Pe showing you her “Why are you taking pictures of me” cute face.
The Juji Bird chewing on my hair tie.
Juji hangin’ out on her foraging tree
Now that I have a camera, I am sure you will be seeing plenty more fuzzy pics in the future.
My brain has been having a very difficult time focusing on positive things…which as many of you know is not a normal occurrence. I am one of those people that is sickeningly happy most of the time. So much so, that people ask me quite often if I ever frown. So often that my husband has a hard time comprehending that just because there is not a shimmering smile across my face does not mean that I am horribly upset…or angry at him…which is his usual, and most of the time horribly incorrect, assumption.
So these past few days have been very difficult as my mind and heart have been having a hard time not dwelling on the negative. I’ve even been downright irrational. A grouch even. On Saturday I woke up with a huge headache/heartache. I was apparently snapping at everything my sister and husband were saying and I could feel myself spinning out of control. So before I broke down sobbing or yelled maliciously at my sister for missing some crumbs when she wiped the table, I became a total hypocrite and confined myself to my bed just after lecturing my sleeping husband about how I wanted to actually see him awake.
I slept. I slept hard. I dreamt of a lot of stuff, most of which I don’t remember. Most of the time though, my dreams help me sort out my emotions in reality.
When I woke up I felt better, and even had a terrific, somewhat rational evening with my wonderful husband. I nearly lost it once in the car on the way home, but my dear Kaleb literally said “Knock it off!!!” So I did.
Lots that my brain and heart need to sort out. Most of it Kaleb can not handle because he is too close to it. Talking to my Heavenly Father in the sauna helps…but I need some human connection.
I am going to call our local women’s resource center and see if they have any ideas for a Christian woman’s counselor.
Be praying for my heart and my enduring psychosis.
Okay, I’ve got to take this opportunity to brag on my hubby a little bit. He, for the first time in recollection, had flowers delivered to me at work with the sweetest note. He knows that I am very low maintenance and don’t expect much in the way of gifts on typical gift giving holidays, so we usually don’t do much…but he knows that I have been going through a tough time lately with all of the Grace drama etc… so he thought some beautiful flowers with a wonderfully sweet note would help. He was VERY right!
Thank you, my Love. Thank you for thinking about my heart. Thank you for loving me and for continuing to love me.
Rachel is working most of the weekend…so Kaleb and I will get some time just the two of us. I see a lack of clothing in our future. Is that too much information to share on my blog? Probably…but you see it has nothing very little to do with sex. We just don’t like clothing…either of us. Again, probably TMI, but oh well. It’s me. Get used to it.
Anywho, happy valentines day. Love someone especially well today. The way my hubby person just loved me.
This post is part of “Hi/Lo Thursday” on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to read everyone else’s “Hi/Lo” posts and for a chance to win $100.
My High
Having an amazing time of connection with my husband yesterday. He may not have known it, but the way he talked to me and listened touched my heart forever….even if it did start with his burrito blindness.
Drawing close to my heavenly Papa, who I know has our perfect family in the palm of His hands already, even if we can’t see it.
My Low
Giving up on the dream of a blong headed little girl named Grace becoming part of our family. Mourning and wondering if I will ever be someone’s mama.
The meeting was very quick yesterday. It went something like this…
Caseworker: So Grace has decided she no longer wants to be adopted by you, Hannah and Kaleb. Do you think we should try to force her into to it?
Me: No, Kaleb and I have done a lot of talking and praying and we are going to step back. Grace is not ready, and we need to move on and be available for a child who wants a home and a family.
Caseworker: Okay then.
Grace comes off the bus and sits down at the table. Looks at everyone EXCEPT Kaleb and myself.
Caseworker: Grace, we are here to talk about the plan for you. The plan is still adoption, but you’ve decided not to be adopted by Kaleb and Hannah, but want to stay friends, right?
Grace: Right.
Lots of nervous joking by all adults involved, and Grace making jokes with everyone, except Kaleb and myself.
Me: Grace, how do you want to stay friends?
Grace: Phone calls on Mondays and Thursdays. (Which is what we’ve been doing up to this point)
Me: Okay, remember you can change that if you want to.
Hugs, goodbyes…yada yada…
Off we go. Childless.
This is what she wants, so we’ve left it where it be. Kaleb and I are both willing to take in other kiddos now. I have inquired about a sibling group of 3. A seven year old girl, a 3 year old boy, and a 1 year old girl. I know that God has His perfect family for us in store, I just wish I knew where they were hiding.
Pray for my heart. It’s mourning, and confused.
Pray for Kaleb’s sanity, as it will be tested with my sudden emotional fluctuations.
This post is part of “Hi/Lo Thursday” on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to read everyone else’s “Hi/Lo” posts and get your link on their site.
Zoe and Pe taking a nap by the fireplace.
Pe showing you her “Why are you taking pictures of me” cute face.
The Juji Bird chewing on my hair tie.
Juji hangin’ out on her foraging tree
This post is part of “Hi/Lo Thursday” on the 
