Anticipation of Grace…and Lasagna

Rachel and I get to go visit Grace tomorrow. Kaleb is still in California, but returns tomorrow evening. He is hoping his plane doesn’t get delayed because we are planning to have a friend of his from work over for dinner along with his friends girl friend and her roommate. Kaleb says the more the merrier. I am wondering who these people are!?!? But Kaleb is making his famous Lasagna, so all is good.

Anywho, back to Grace. We haven’t seen her since before Christmas, so this will be a good visit. She wants to do some kind of project, and I want her pre-adolescent brain to start thinking about coming home, so we are going to try to do something she can put in her room. I was thinking a pillow, or a picture frame or something like that. Maybe one of those cool jewelery boxes they have at Michaels that are blank wood that you can paint and decorate. That’s a good idea.

I am just really hoping for a good visit of connecting with a very special little girl. I want to get some time to answer some “girl” questions if we get the opportunity. There are A LOT of boys in that house, so we shall see.

We apparently have a meeting with the powers that be on the 12th. I have no idea the purpose of this meeting yet, since I have not officially been told about it, but I am really hoping that it means things are going to move forward despite Grace’s continuing icky behavior. She threw a tantrum the other night because her roommate had gas! GAS!!! I told her that was a very silly reason to throw a tantrum, she told me she knew that. She giggled. She really does recognize that she needs to make better choices, but the group home environment does not give her much opportunity to be a “normal” kid. Gas?

I’ve been really enjoying researching things lately…surprise, surprise….and I am fully looking forward to this parenting journey. I really want to get a hold of some of Nancy Thomas’ stuff, but we can’t really afford the DVD set right now, so if there is anyone out there who has them and would be willing to lend them to me??!?!? That would be wonderful.

Anywho, looking forward to a great weekend, and hopefully some cuddle time with the sun-bathed hubby person.

Leave a comment | No comments yet | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, faith, marriage

A little bit of randomness

I  am participating in “Pray for Me… Pray for Others” on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to add your prayer request. I think it’s a great way to connect with other believers and to have another outlet for things that are weighing heavy on your heart.

I got to play with some cute kids today, and really connected with a little boy who is showing signs of being autistic. I apparently met him at church a few months ago when we dance for a very VERY long time together. His mom told me that he remembers me, and that is why we connected so much. I am volunteering at this center in order to get some official hours in an early childhood setting, because apparently my hours and hours of nanny-ing, volunteer work, and work in a group home don’t qualify.

ATTENTION MARRIED PEOPLE!!! I was reading my friend Christine’s blog, as usual, and her post today was about something quite awesome! Let’s just say it’s a site for Christian married people to help them increase their pleasure and intimacy. If you are married and want to check it out, go to http://christiannymphos.org/

It’s very tasteful, but yet incredibly informative and helpful. There are no descriptive pictures, so we visual ones won’t be tempted, and everything is covered through a “Jesus lens” to borrow Christine’s term.

Anywho, enough randomness.

Leave comments already!!!

Leave a comment | No comments yet |

Waiting for Grace

Monday’s are usually our phone call days with Grace, but she didn’t call. I am hoping she just forgot, and that the privilege was not taken away because of bad behavior. I really want to get a good report from her. I am hoping that she can tell me that she had a good week and that we can cross it off of the 8-10 “good weeks” she is supposed to have before she can start visits. If they stick with eight, that would mean she would be able to start single day visits around March 21st, followed by 3-4 single overnight visits…(late april)…and 3-4 weekend visits….(late May)….and then what? And that’s all IF she had a good week and can continue to have good weeks all the way through the 8. They say they want her to transition over the summer…we’ll see. That girl needs a real home with a real mom and dad. She needs to not have to worry about points, or point cards, or subsystems. She needs to be able to go to her room to play when she wants too, or go ride her bike around the neighborhood. Enough of this institutional crap already!!! (Okay…breathing now.)

It’s very hard for me to wait. My motherhood keeps being postponed by point systems and technicalities. I want to look at adopting a baby, but that’s not a possibility with Grace at this point. That frustrates me. No, that makes me unbelievably sad.

Some days, like today, I have pretty much given up on the fact that this womb of mine will ever hold a child and that these breasts will ever get to nurse one. (I apologize to my brother and other male relatives or friends who really do not want to hear these graphic details.) True, adoptive moms can breast feed as well…but when am I ever going to get the chance to even do THAT? It’s not that I’ve given up on God’s promises for me, it’s just that sometimes I wonder if I have listened incorrectly, or done something to sabotage His plan.

Kaleb got to spend some time with Gideon and Zanna at the end of last week, and it was so fun to hear him talking about “when we have our kids….” God is softening his heart, and I don’t think he even realizes it most of the time. I want to make a baby with that man, Damn it!!!

On a lighter note….

The post I …ummm…posted last week (which the link for is apparently not working) about my nephew and my little friend Gideon (whom I get to baby sit tonight) got included in a blog-post collection book. Sorry, guys, no royalties. I think I am going to buy it…maybe. If you want to, you can go to the Riggs Family Blog and check it out. Look for the Stubborn fish tales name. That’s Me!!!!

Leave a comment | No comments yet | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, faith, infertility, marriage

Not me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Okay, so there is NOT a lot of crying in this post. I did NOT spend hours upon hours crying this weekend over various semi-serious at the moment things.

My husband’s departure to California did NOT have a much more profound effect on me than I had anticipated.I am NOT already missing his smell and the taste of his kisses. Nope, I’m NOT that sentimental.

My entire diet Sunday definitely did NOT consist only of biscuits and blueberry jam.

I really did NOT actually sleep in till nearly 1 PM Sunday after driving my hubby to the airport, and I did NOT ask my sister to put the dogs in the sauna so I could sleep undisturbed.

I did NOT wear the same pair of pants all weekend.

I was NOT a little relieved that Baby Degu died on Friday because it means one less critter to have to worry about and feel guilty about not spending enough time with.

I am NOT secretly hoping that the training I am supposed to do on Saturday gets canceled, because I definitely don’t want to spend the day with my Gracie girl.

I am NOT contemplating going to a certain frozen custard restaurant after work to get a large cone of the flavor of the day.

Leave a comment | No comments yet | Tags: Adoption, marriage, the critters

High/Low Thursday

This post is part of “Hi/Lo Thursday” on the Riggs Family Blog. Check our their blog to read everyone else’s “Hi/Lo” posts.

So my husband was asking my why I am “plagurizing” blog ideas from other bloggers. My reason? I think it’s a great way to create community! Ok, and it’s easier to think of something to write when there are other people giving you ideas.

The High

Grace was in a much better mood when I spoke to her on Monday. We actually had a real conversation and she got an “A” on a science test, which is a huge thing!!!

Kaleb comes home tonight and I will get to cuddle and kiss my wonderful hubby.

The Low

I am feeling very strong maternal instincts this week and have no idea how or with whom God wants me to use them.

It was a really good week, what can I say?

Leave a comment | No comments yet | Tags: Adoption, blogging, infertility, marriage

Purpose

Rachel and I had a great talk coming home from Soup Group last night. She is feeling discouraged and rejected by a person who she really wants encouragement and support from, and who really should be giving it to her. While driving home on the dark, icy, highway, God totally met us there and filled me with His words of love for her. He told her that she needs to remember His love, and that He was rejected by nearly everyone while He was here on earth, to the point that they hated Him so much they killed Him. When she is experiencing rejection, she needs to remember that He felt it too. God spoke to her heart, and I am so thankful he used my big mouth to do it.

We were both talking a lot about purpose and calling. I am feeling, more than slightly, like I am not doing what I am called to do right now, but am waiting on the Lord until He puts in motion what He has put in my heart. Rachel has really developed a strong gift for intercession and we were talking about how she might use and develop that gift. She is not working right now, and has been looking for work for months only to have every door close. She is more than a little frustrated and feels like she is not being useful. I suggested she call the local crisis pregnancy center, which our church works closely with, to see what kind of volunteer help they need. There, she could keep her hands and mind busy as well as have some amazing opportunities to pray over people who need a touch of God’s love. I hope she follows up on that.

I am missing my hubby right now, as he is gone on business, but am thoroughly excited to see him tomorrow night. Lots of hugs and kisses.

God has been speaking to my heart about taking care of my body so that it is ready to do whatever He has in store for me…not for vanity or because I am worried about a number on my jeans tag. I’ve realized that I want to be an active, healthy mommy, and in order to do that I really need to be healthy. It’s a lot easier for me to make changes in diet and such than it is for other members of my household. I am more than a little stubborn, and it’s fairly easy for me to set rules for myself and follow through with them. I am starting by trying to eat only whole grain carbs as well as eating small meals throughout the day, around 300 calories each…based on a FOTF broadcast I heard a few days ago. I want to do daily exercise, but am finding it very difficult to get up the extra hour before I usually do to do it before I go to work, and by the time I get home from work, I just want to veg for the few hours I have before I go to sleep. Excuses!

God is a good God who is doing good things in me….yup….He is!

Leave a comment | No comments yet | Tags: faith, health

Mondays with Grace

Yes, I realize it is now Tuesday, but Mondays are our phone call days…so that’s just how it goes. Talked to the Gracie girl last night. She was in a much better mood than when we spoke on Thursday. She got a new roommate and is not too happy about having to lose her spot as the only girl in the house. I guess the new girl was getting a little too much attention for her liking. Anywho, she informed me that she ended the week in the negative, which means that last week does not count toward her goal of 8-10 good weeks before she can start visits. I told her that I expected her to have a good week this week, and she assured me that she would. We shall see.

Gracie is in main stream school for the first time since 2nd grade, so just that fact makes me immeasurably proud of her, but the fact that she got an “A” on her last science test made me gush all over. I let her know so, to the point where I could hear sarcasm in that bubbly voice of hers. I am just so proud of her…I want her home.

I’ve been praying Psalm 27:10-14 over her every night and I am believing for a breakthrough.

In the next few days I will give a complete update with the whole adoption of Grace thing and will probably put a permanent info page on the “about me” page so that stumblers-upon my blog will be able to follow what is going on.

Anywho, soup group tonight! YAY!!!!

- Hannah

Leave a comment | No comments yet | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges

Laughter Lives Tuesdays

This post is part of “Laughter Lives! Tuesday” on the Riggs Family Blog. Check our their blog to read everyone else’s “Laughter Lives!” posts.

So since I am kid-less as of yet, I have to borrow my brother’s kiddos for this post…and maybe a friends child as well.

Oh, Joanie!

My brother is blessed with 5 beautiful children under 7 and one on the way. The three year old, Jonas, is especially close to my heart because he is an exuberant middle child and reminds me so much of myself…he is loud, hilarious, and always getting into trouble. In fact, when we were down at my older sister Sarah’s wedding last June, the then- two- year- old Jonas was constantly doing things that reeked of mischief. At one point, Sarah looked at him and said, “Jonas, you’re trouble.” He looked her straight in the face and sternly corrected her, “I’m not trouble. I’m Jonas.” So noted. The rest of the weekend it became a game. He would point to any family member and rename them. I became Daddy, Daddy became, Mommy, and so on, but he would always end with “And I’m Jonas!”The face says it all.

My brother loves Johnny Cash. His boys have followed right along, and their favorite song is the Burning Ring of Fire. When my mom went to go visit this past summer, she had her cell phone set to play The Burning Ring of Fire every time her husband called…which is very fitting. The first time it played, Jonas came running into the room saying “That’s my favorite song. Where is that coming from?” Needless to say, the cell phone was a huge hit that visit. Joanie’s version goes something like this: “Down, down, down in da fire!”

The Cookie Monster Dog

We have two great friends, Eric and Teisha, who have two great kids, Gideon and Zanna. Gideon is a surrogate nephew to me, since mine are so far away. I steal him (with his parent’s permission) as much as possible. He loves going to Hannah’s house to see all the animals. He is big enough now, at 2 1/2, that he can actually interact with the dogs in some manner, and they really enjoy this miniature person who is much easier to lick than the tall ones. One weekend, while he was visiting, we were doing some baking. I gave Gideon a cookie and he immediately became the most popular person in the house. Zoe and Pe followed him at such a close proximity that if Giddy stopped too quickly the dogs would bump right into him. He kept telling the dogs, especially Zoe, “No, Zoe. My cookie.” as he wandered in circles around our house. About the 6th or 7th lap, they must have wore him down. I saw him open his hand and OFFER Zoe the cookie, which she gladly accepted. I looked at him and said, “Giddy, where’s your cookie?” He looked at me and shrugged as if he had no idea how it happened but simply said “Zoe got it.” Yeah, I guess she did.

This kid also spent a good part of an hour trying to call our Clevie cat out of the basement, patting his leg like you would call a dog saying “Cm’ere, kitty. Cm’ere!” Well, he was persistent. Clevie just sat and stared at him, of coarse.

Thanks for letting me share my stolen stories.

-Hannah

Leave a comment | 1 comment so far | Tags: family fun, the critters

Not Me Monday

One of my favorite blogs that I have become addicted to is the Mck Mama at http://www.mycharmingkids.net. Every Monday she writes “Not Me Mondays”, so I thought I’d give it a try.

Friday I did not discover that my coat had bird poop all over the collar. I have no idea how that happened, and it definitely couldn’t have been my beautiful African Grey. I most definitely didn’t wear that coat to work anyway and hope no one would notice.

I did not get my butt beat by my overly-lucky husband at 3-13, and I definitely did not lose to my sister at 3′s.

I did not leave my beautiful sister a sink and a half load of dishes after our pizza night.

I am not pestering all of my friends and family over facebook to check out my new blog.

I did not forget on purpose to tell my husband that our beautiful Pe had chewed through the electrical plug for our cable box more than a month and a half ago. He definitely did not remain a lot calmer than I thought he would when he found it while looking for some computer tools.

Pretty boring Not me Monday…but it’s my first one, so I don’t feel so bad.

Leave a comment | No comments yet | Tags: family fun, the critters

Things I am learning

It’s always good when you come back from Sunday service and feel like you have really been challenged or that you have gained some vital piece of knowledge that will add to your life. Today was one of those days.

We got to church our usual ten minutes late, which isn’t bad considering we live nearly an hour away, and it was snowing. Our new beast of an SUV helped in that endeavor. Anywho, our church is meeting at the local university on Sundays because we have run out of space in the sanctuary. The good thing is that there is plenty of space for the growing number of college students that attend every week. The not so good thing is that the acoustics in the lecture hall are absolutely horrendous, and our very lively worship team sounds even louder and more chaotic than it normally would. Thankfully, there is a hallway just outside the lecture hall where those of us who don’t want to be blown away can sit, listen, and participate in a way that won’t permanently damage our ear drums. It was in the hall way that I saw a good friend who I haven’t talked to in quite a few weeks because she has been very ill with morning sickness during a much anticipated and prayed for pregnancy. We got a chance to quickly catch up and talk about the impeding baby boom going on in our congregation right now…which I guess is inevitable when you are a church with a 90% college aged population. This baby boom is sometimes difficult for me, as our God has not yet chosen to allow me to participate in it. I try my best to maintain a joyful attitude, and pray to my Father continually for grace, joy, and the ability to truly support the women around me.

Our church has a tradition that, after worship, we gather together in small groups to pray with one another. We prayed with our beloved elder who has just turned 90. His words really struck me. This man thanks and praises God more openly than almost anyone I know, and yet he asked that God would help him praise MORE! Lord, Joe is asking for your help to praise more? It really struck my heart.

Things I am learning #1: I need to praise God more.

After we prayed, Charlie got up and gave the before-offering sermon. Yes, we have mini sermons all throughout our service. I love it. Tidbits of truth all over. Charlie talked about how we need to take the times we are offended by God ,and thank Him that He is working something  in our lives and hearts. Our God knows what He is doing, and when we are offended, He is trying to stretch us. I have definitely been offended by my God lately. Lots and lots of things I don’t understand. So God is building trust…how much can He trust me with right now? Which fits into Pastor John’s sermon about the parable of the talents. How much can you trust me with, God? Am I not ready for these things I want so badly? Are these other young mothers ready? See, there’s that offense coming out again. Trying to trust, trying to become who He needs me to be. No more no less.

Things I am learning #2: I don’t know what God is up to, but He does, and I need to get closer to Him to find out.

On the more shallow end, my husband is teaching me a lot about technology and quality. He is obsessed with my blog right now, and told me that he would be for at least the next few weeks…which is when I said “Oh, so after that it will be old news, eh?” and he said “Absolutley!” But for now, I can ask for as much help as I need to get this thing off to a good start, and he is there for me, except he is leaving for two weeks. BLAH!

Things I am learning #3: I love my husband’s sexy-big brain!

I am going to try to get some of my writings up for you to sample, if you are interested. Most are very child friendly, as my favorite genre is child geared. Some are more adult oriented, but I will try to make it clear so that you don’t accidentally read something out loud that could be embarrassing.

Okay. Here’s to another week of adventure.

Hannah

Leave a comment | 1 comment so far | Tags: faith, infertility, marriage, technology